My (very long) rambling sad story.. comments?

[lonelycraig]

My name is Craig...

 

I'm 30 years old, overweight and balding. I'm unemployed, but have plenty of money - just very little direction in life. I've had 2 loves in my life. One in high school from 17 to about age 21, we broke up when I left the country to persue a millitary career, but it was over long before. The other ended 4 months ago, after only 3 months together. I've "been" with 4 people in my entire life, but i'm not inexperianced. From age 21 to now at age 30 I never had a true realtionship, no one to call a girlfriend or the like. I was always a bit of a loner and totally independant, and morealess content with that untill this year.

 

Earlier this year along came an absolutly gorgious 20 year old girl that I worked with for several months. We started out friends at work, she was always very warm and affectionate to me, and made my day with the most wonderfully warm hugs everytime we crossed paths in the warehouse (We worked at an auto parts store). I really hated my job and ended up quitting to get away from retail/customer service, and the hordes of ignorant people. Once I told her I was quitting she got upset I was leaving, and we ended up getting toghether outside of work and hanging out and watching movies. I had a comfortable amount of savings and was pondering a 2 week vacation back to Scotland. But the more time we spent together (as friends) the closer we got. I found it hard to belive that she would be "interested" in someone like me, but as time went on over the next few weeks we became inseperable. We hung out almost every day. We would exchange 50 or more texts in a day, alsways very sweet and flirty. She would tell me she missed me and couldn;t wait to see me. I realized there might be somthing more than friendship in the works. I started to fall for her.

 

She's gorgious. and very sweet, but also very immature and nieve. She had ended a 3 year relationship with her last boyfriend who alienated her from her group of friends and left her quite lonely. She found a very dear friend in me, and I think really liked the company, and later the attention. I think all she really wanted was a friend. And I was her best friend for a while.

 

What started out on opposite endes of the couch slowly got closer and closer untill we would cuddle on one end together. I'd take her home at night (she still lived with her parents) and we would flop into her single bed and i'd rub her back until she fell asleep. We had some amazing little adventures together, road trips, days at the beach, I took her drag racing with me. We had a blast. I mentioned I was thinking about takeing a trip, and she really awanted to come. Hotels being about the same price being single or double occupency It really wouldn't cost and more, so I said if she paid for the plane ticket i'd take care of teh rest. So we booked a trip together.

 

At this point she really started to feel like a girlfriend. We occasionally kissed eachother goodbye, and once she actually cornered me and we made out for a solid 15 minutes.... my knees actually went week! She was very immodest around me, and I saw her naked a dousen times before I ever made a move. As things started heating up I asked her if she would be my girlfriend, to which she quickly replied she really didn;t want a relationship right now. But told me we were best friends and that was so much better anyways. Confused, and maybe a bit rejected, but still amazed at what was happening to me - this young, beautiful sweet girl hanging around a guy that looks pretty much like shrek, just a far pastier shade of white. I wasn't complaining! But I was falling hard.

 

2 or 3 weeks had gone by, we were excited about the trip, and everyone I knew, including my family thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She even came for dinner at my parents house, and hung out with my brother and his fiance while they were visiting for thier engagement. We went to nice resteraunts together, I paid, we went to movies, we even called them dates. I would kiss her goodnight, and she would kiss me right back. When we sat in a theater we would hold hands. Over that time I finally decided to make a move, which started out as a back rub and worked my way south she didnt protest. I got her off by hand, and orally and she loved it. I didn't expect anything in return, bt she didn't reciprocate either. This happend a few times and was very hot and heavy, but it was always me that initiated. We were never closer than at this time. I even told her a loved her (maybe a bit to early in the relationship)

 

Eventually after a long road trip she ended up spending the night at my place in just a pair of pantys in my bed. I'm not sure what she had in mind, but I was overwhelmed! that night, and all the next day I pleasured her, but again she really didnt ever try to reciprocate at all. Eventually I asked if we could seal the deal and she agreed. It was one of the most memorable days in my life. I guess I thought after that she would give our relationship a bit more definition...

 

Not so... She became a bit more stand offish and distant after than night, I on the other hand was head over heals in love and grinning ear to ear. Untill I talked to an ex-co-worker who said she had been told earier that day that we were "just good friends" when asked if we were dating.

 

I was starting to feel a bit rejected in some ways. I loved this girl and everything about her, but she just wouldn;t commit. It started to bother me. So we talked about it and she made is somewhat clear she was still getting over her exa nd didnt want another relationship. Even though everything we did was a relationship, down to the silly arguments and pet names. She was fooling herself. And I guess so was I. Everyone thought were were bf/gf and we acted like it so I just rolled with it.

 

The week preciding our trip as I say she was quite distant and spend more time with other friends (mostly guys). I got a little jealous, and a little concerned. Maybe I had no right to be, but it sure felt sore after almost 2 months of pure bliss.

 

So we went on this trip. The 1st night we were jet lagged bad so we slept, but the second was a very romantic 5 star sea-side hotel in N. Ireland and a single king sized bed. I made a move on her, and encountered a little resistance, but once she got into it there was no protests. We didn;t actually have sex, though I could have pushed for it, I just got her off by hand and then going to procede to the next level when she pulled away, quicly got dressed and in a huff said she needed to call home. After the phone call will me lying next to her confused and really horney She appologised "for everything". I asked for a little help with my situation and she flat out denied me. saying she really didn't want too, and was upset that i was pushing the issue. So I dropped it.

 

The next 2 weeks we share da bed every night but I never layed a hand on her, figuring she either really didn;t want it or that she would make a move. Nothing happened. and I was very frustrated to say the least. But i respected her boundrys. She did however flaunt herself naked in every hotel room we stayed in, and held my hand wherever we walked. Near the end I was so confused, and I do suffer from some anxiety issues I started obsessing over wtf was going on. THEN I DID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID! I read her diary while she was in the shower. Hopeing to get some clarity on the issue. I didn;t read much but the comment that sticks in my head was "hopefully there will be no touching tonight". Now the context was unknown, but I sure figured the worst. We had shared so many deep talks and romantic moments, I was more in love with this girl that i'd ever felt in my life. And it sounded to me like she had no interest at all, but maybe just counldn't say no to me. So anxious and a little angry, and feeling bad for invading her privacy I confronted her. And then it got messy...

 

Needless to say the last days of the trip were civil, but very cold. When we finally got home we had a night layover at an airport hotel, and I thought that would be my last chance to figure things out together, because we were going to be apart for a week as she had family obligations in another city. So I tried to talk to her and told her how I felt about her. I got no reply, she just smiled and ignored me. I ended up walking out on her and catching an early conector flight home out of sheer frustration, which was added to by the fact the second we landed she was on the phone texting her other guy friends telling them she missed them and she was home.

 

5 Days went by, I teted her a few times, with little or no reply. I admit i went a bit overbored with the emotional crap via text, but I was really hurting inside, and really missed her, as it was a week apart after almost 3 solid months together and inseperable.

 

The day I finally saw her again she came up my driveway riding passenger in her ex-boyfriends car. I was absolu;y devistated. She wouldn;t even come in the house to talk, she dropped off some things and I had to beg her to let me talk to her.

 

She said she told me she didnt want a realtionship, and that I was being to obsessive and that we can still be friends but she "needs some time". I tol her a loved her dispite how cruel bringing her ex here was, but If she didn;t want me than I didnt think we could still be friends, because loved her and if she was going to see other people, especially her ex it would be far too painful. I said the most difficult goodbye of my entire life. More difficult even then when my own mum died.

 

It didn;t take more than a few hours to know how incredably much I missed her, and i became a bit of a text terrorist, telling her how I felt and beggingfor her forgivness and freindship, and wishing beyond all else that would could have back what we once had.

 

I guess I over did it. She wanted some space and I wouldn;t give it to her, so she cut me out of her life completly. I got the message then and left her totally alone for 2 months. Every waking (and some sleeping) hour of every day since then I've thought about her. I wake up thinking about her, and go to bed thinking about her. Obsesivnes is a trait of anxiety which I know I have. But Add to that depression.... I was a huge mess.

 

I'm a 30 year old ex-british army infantry soldier. I hadn't shed a tear in 22 years, but this breakup - if you can even call it that given there was not status of bf/gf absolutly destroyed me, even 3 months later I still break down and cry when I think about her, how amazing it was to be around her, how much better she made my otherwise dull and lonely life, and how deeply I love and miss her.

 

This is the 1st time in my life i felt alone, like a part of me is missing and that I will never find it again. The ods of someone like me - that looks like me will ever again have a beutiful, fun, sexy young girl to hold in his arms agian is highly unlikely. *sigh*

 

I've tried really hard to move on, I've gone out and met new women, but they don't compare at all to "her" in personality or looks. I just can;t get intersted, not even for a 1 night stand, which i'm really not into and have never done.

 

Now a smart man would have cut her out of his life for good. But I long to talk to her, even a text message from her makes my whole entire day. We are on friendly speaking terms again and i'm really happy about it. But she is dating that same ex boyfreind who she was never fully over now. I've managed to see her a few brief times, and collect one of those hugs that completly melts me, we even shared a cup of coffee. This time around its very clearly just friendship.

 

She does't seem pariculaly happy with this guy, and has told me shes depressed and worried over this relationship with him. She also daily tells me she misses scotland, or mentions some of the fun things that we have done. But when i push at all for us to maybe create some new memorys she backs off, or I get no reply at all.

 

I would give this girl the world to make her happy. And I really don;t want to give up dispite every pieces advice and warning I get from friends that i'ts not going to happen and that i'm hurting myself trying to be her friend. And it's killing me inside to be so helpless, as well as getting kind of mixed signals.

 

I really don't want to give up, but I know I probbaly have too.

 

I was so happy, I'd give anything to have that happiness back again.

 

Am I crazy?

[alone_confused]

Hi there,

 

sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, but after reading your story which almost felt a novel at some stages, hehe, i fail to see the happiness that you are missing, it sounded more like an infatuation rather than love, though that is not my call, only you know what you felt.

 

The sex was completely one sided, she didn't care about your needs or feelings, she sounds very selfish and immature to me, someone who uses people for her own personal gain, Sorry to be so blunt but i think she has done you a favor by ignoring you, and I'm sure in time you will see that.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Man, all I see you doing is bashing yourself.

 

Let me summarize this quickly.

 

The girl is immature, possibly insane. Straight up. It isn't your loss due to that aspect right there.

 

Secondly, I highly doubt you're as ugly as you're making yourself seem. If you are so worried about it though, shave your head. Go tanning, get a tan. And then do many reps of low weight in order to burn fat and tone yourself. You'll be pulling the Bruce Willis look in no time.

 

Finally, it's not about looks anyways. Go look up The Pickup Artist on google. Watch the free episodes on vh1's website. Seriously, watch the power of personality.

[MTBen]

"She had ended a 3 year relationship with her last boyfriend who alienated her from her group of friends and left her quite lonely. She found a very dear friend in me, and I think really liked the company, and later the attention. I think all she really wanted was a friend. And I was her best friend for a while."

 

LonelyCraig, I'd have to say I agree with DSM-IV Tom and Alone-Confused. I'm no relationship expert by any means, but I've been through a somewhat similar situation. I'd say that if you already recognize what you wrote in the above quote, then at least mentally you're ahead of the game. From what you described, it sounds like you were safe to her, and she allowed you to open yourself up to her so that she could bask in the light of your adoration for her. When it comes to the sexual experiences you two shared, I really can't give much insight into why it began or why it continued. But what I can say is that at least you noticed that she never reciprocated. We all have our moments of selfishness and/or neediness, but from your writing you seem to have noticed a distinct pattern of sexual selfishness. I'd say that's significant too.

Dude, you're obviously pretty bright and you sound like you've got a big heart too. Your currently unemployed, but you're either good with your finances or you're loaded. Either way, while many are living pay check to pay check, you had enough self-knowledge and independence to leave a job you hated. You got pretty down on yourself in your post, when in truth it sounds like you've got a lot going for you. Sure she was hot, but she's not the only hot girl out there. Not only that, but her attractiveness doesn't make up for the fact that she took you for a ride and left your emotions in a wreck. Did she mean to do it, or were you the unfortunate victim of her healing process, the person whose energy was sucked dry to refill her own emotional energy reserves? Who knows, and at this point it may not even matter. What matters is you've got a lot going for you, and at the end of the day her cutting you off was her loss. It really sounds like you're better off without her.

Good luck, mate.

[dns502475]

First...no you're not crazy. But you're driving yourself to that point.

 

There are no "mixed signals" here. You're just taking any instance of contact with her as signs of false hope. You're dealing with a full blown case of "unrequited love". And it's bad.

 

Now, I don't do pity parties....especially for grown-ass men who are trained killers! lol.

 

You're NOT in love with this girl. You're just not happy with yourself or your life at this point and you're using this relationship and this girl as your escape from taking responsibility for yourself.

 

No worries, mate. It happens to the best of us.

 

Here's what I found interesting in your story:

 

- You had a relationship end with a young woman you loved just prior to going into the military. But you seemed to handle it just fine.

- You met this woman while on a job you hated.

- You're currently unemployed.

- You say you have little direction

- You seem very proud of your military career

 

See a trend here, Craig?

 

You lost your sense of purpose. Life became a drag for you and you found this little girl who gave you a spark you haven't had in years.

 

You need to get back to focusing on yourself. You say you have plenty of money? EXCELLENT! MAKE MORE!

 

Get back into the things you liked to do.

 

You say you're bald? Listen to Tom...shave your head.

You say you're fat? Listen to Tom...get in the gym.

 

I'm 33, and bald. I used to be pretty overweight then I started going to the gym and walking uphill on the treadmill everyday. After a month or so, I started running. I'm in great shape now...

 

And dude...I attract stone-cold cuties.

 

Craig, our stories are actually very similar in some ways, and you have to be direct about this stuff. I can only put it to you one way...

 

YOU'VE BEEN "THERE" WHERE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!

 

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET TO WORK ON YOURSELF!!!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

This is the 1st time in my life i felt alone, like a part of me is missing and that I will never find it again. The ods of someone like me - that looks like me will ever again have a beutiful, fun, sexy young girl to hold in his arms agian is highly unlikely. *sigh*

 

I'm sorry for what you've been through. This girl is truly a piece of work to lead you on like that. The truth is though that you never "HAD" her.

 

Answer me this. Why is it that having a young beautiful girlfriend is the brass ring? It seems to me that the "young and beautiful" are so important because it will make-up/validate that which you aren't so proud of in yourself.

 

I say this because of all the single men that I have known as friends, the ones who have insecurities regarding their looks, are the ones that are turning down, average, intelligent, humourous women their own ages, in hopes of finding a "teen model" type. The single men without these insecurities aren't looking for that at all.

 

What kills me the most, is that the men (some of whom have described themselves, like you as shrek-like) will lament... beautiful women aren't interested unless you look like Ken and have plenty of money... yet they themselves are being just as materialistic and shallow.

 

It is my belief, Craig, that when you take care of all of your own insecurities, learn to love and appreciate yourself completely, then you will find a woman to love you, who doesn't need to make up in youth and beauty that which YOU feel yourself to be lacking.

[alwayssme]

okay...let me get this straight? she flaunts herself naked in front of you and lets you touch her and sleeps in her panties in the same bed wit u? i am trying REALLY REALLY REALLLYYYY hard NOT to be judgemental but WTF is wrong with this girl??? I know for a fact I wouldnt do that **** wit "just a friend" but thats just me......and sweetheart there are so many beautiful CLASSY girls out there...i honeslty think what you feel for her is not love, its just a physical attraction and u like her because she is your "best friend" as you say. I actually get so mad when I read stories about girls like these, I'm sorry you're going through this. She needs to realize your a human being with FEELINGS and most of all your a guy...she KNOWS what she's doing and she likes the attention......if some girl was doing something like that to my brother or one of my friends, i would be very mad....she needs SELF RESPECT and she needs to respect you...she cant keep dragging you along like this. its not fair to you!!

[alwayssme]

damn this story got me annoyed...LMAO...

 

 

i dont even know you but i feel mad that she would do this to you...and please stop bringing yourself down...its sad that u honeslty think u cant do better than her...come on think about it...she sounds...weird and trashy...who the hell writes in their diary 'i hope ther wont be no touching tonight" but lets u go down on them, sleeps naked with you, hell just the fact that she sleeps in the same bed as you...i mean hell as hurt as i am over my ex...I have had plenty of guys trying to get with me and i have said "NO" because its not fair to them since i still love my ex. I guess some girls are extra needy and cant stand being alone...regardless im sorry your going through this but you are soooooo much better off without her, believe me!! sex is just sex...to have a REAL relationship, you need a good classy girl

[EmperorR]

Never put yourself down, trust me after you get rejected everyone feels unattractive like thier not worthy of the great ex when its all a crock of sh*t.