Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Now I'm currently in a 4 month relationship but prior to that I was to be engaged to finace of 3 years. Anyways he dumped me but I did not felt affected at all. In fact the next day I was partying with my friends, it was like nothing happened and now I'm happy with my current relationship. I never seem to get affected by break-ups in any way. And the weird thing is afterwards, I can forget about them easily, when I mean forget I mean that there is no attachment nor tears no any of that. So is that normal, to basically ahve little or no reaction at all after break-ups. See if I broke up with my current b/f, I guess I would have nor eaction either.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 No, it is not normal, and I'd advise seeing a psychologist. It sounds like your coping methods are out of whack, and extremely suppressed. Were you hurt as a child in any way? I don't mean to scare you, but that is not normal. It's possible you have anti social personality disorder, but that is a WORST case scenario. I only tell you that up front so that whatever issue you DO have, seems like nothing. And if you DO have ASPD, then my apologies in advance for what I just said above. It can be dealt with. You most likely don't have that though.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Before we send her running off to see a psych, I think a bit more info is needed. Brendi: How do you feel about your BF? Do you love him? Do you miss him when you're not around him? Did you feel that way about your fiance? Do you love your family members? Have you ever lost a family member or relative? How did you react to those losses? Do you remember actually feeling sad at any point in your adult life? Over what? Do you love your family members? Do you miss them when you're not around them? Knowing the answers to those things would be helpful in determining if the reactions you've described are limited to romantic situations, or to human interaction in general.
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Before we send her running off to see a psych, I think a bit more info is needed. Brendi: How do you feel about your BF? Do you love him? Do you miss him when you're not around him? I might have some level of infatuation but definately not in love as most people experience, never had that happened to me no matter what guy it was. I'm happy with him as well as without. But see there's something special about this guy that makes me not lie, deceive nor cheat on him int he first 3 weeks into the relationship. I don't know what it is but there's something. Did you feel that way about your fiance? Do you love your family members? I believe that if we were to break up with him then nothing out of the ordinary would occured. I hardly ever cry in my life so it's no surprise if I got no reaction and go out with friends partying. With my family, well they're my blood afterall and you can't hurt nor mess with your own kind. So yes I love them, you got to off course, you can't deny your own blood. Have you ever lost a family member or relative? How did you react to those losses? I believe there was a moment long ago when I was sad and I had recently turned 4. I saw one of my classmate getting run by a car and was left to a coma state. As young as I was I remember it clearly and stood there frozen. Do you remember actually feeling sad at any point in your adult life? Over what? I never really suffered from depression but tend to get annoyed if people try getting on my way, esp. if they apply their own rules which I do not agree. Though there was one time I was wondering why I never or hardly ever experienced guilt like I'm sure most people do throughout their lives. Do you love your family members? Do you miss them when you're not around them? Like I stated above they are my blood so yes I love them, won't mess with my own kind. Though I admit that sometimes I feel more comfortable when I'm out partying with friends and drinking than having a family reunion.
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 OP, how old are you? Did your fiance tell you why he broke the engagement? At that point, how long had you been engaged? Why would you normally consider "lying, deceiving and cheating" in a relationship and find that your new BF inspires you not to? Help me understand this dynamic better. Did you cheat on your fiance?
Teuen101 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Don't worrie you're day will come- everyone plays the fool- it sucks but it's true maybe you really didn't love them
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 OP, another question: Do you want to have emotions/be emotional during/after a breakup? Why?
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 OP, how old are you? Did your fiance tell you why he broke the engagement? At that point, how long had you been engaged? I will be 24 years old in a couple of months from now. He broke off the engagement due to him saying how I never said that ''L'' and the face that he felt that I hardly displayed affection. Another reason is the fact that I never had any remorse when I would cheat on all my exs and he felt that I can cheat on him since I wasn't in love with him. In other words he felt there was something wrong with me and coulcn't take it no more. I was engaged to him since the ending of November 2007 and we broke up on May of this year. Why would you normally consider "lying, deceiving and cheating" in a relationship and find that your new BF inspires you not to? Help me understand this dynamic better. Did you cheat on your fiance? I never say it was normal but I did say that I have never shown those displays of guilty emotions or sadness most of us do. No I never cheated on my fiance, it had to do with him noticing something was not right in my personality. I think I may be having traits of a sociopath. I read an article on this and some describe me.
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 OP, another question: Do you want to have emotions/be emotional during/after a breakup? Why? I think this is due to my curiosity of how it would be to experience what love means.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Don't dance on egg shells to be kind. She clearly has the lack of the ability to love. After reading her responses, I see exactly what she is really dealing with. This characterizes at least two mental/personality disorders, located in the cluster B section of the dsm-iv. I suggest researching Anti Social Personality, and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Do not tell the OP that she may be fine, or try to walk on egg shells to spare her feelings. She needs to immediately seek help.
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I personally think this dynamic is beyond the scope of a support forum, but am happy to help if possible. OP, emotions are the result of chemical interactions in your brain, based primarily on the interaction between external stimulus and stored chemical memories and patterns which are unique to you. Most of the people I've come across in my life who experience emotion as you do are this way as a result of abuse and/or neglect in childhood. I personally haven't met, but have read about, people who have a specific brain chemistry which obviates or invalidates what we normally call emotion. They don't feel "happy", "sad", "excited", "hurt" or any of what we call "normal" emotions. I don't think this describes you, but only a professional can offer an informed opinion. The fact that you appear to realize something is different about how you experience the world is encouraging. The work is figuring it out and finding a path which is suitable for you. This might mean therapy; it might mean brain meds; it might mean introspection; it might mean forming relationships with specific types of people who are compatible with your natural state. It likely will end up being a combination of things. As someone who lives at the opposite end of this spectrum, I can empathize with you. It's no picnic. It's only been with life experience and psychological counseling that I've been able to achieve some modicum of control. I've experimented with brain meds which would knock my wife or mother (she has dementia so I know a lot about brain meds) out and they barely affect me, so I've gone strictly with behavior modification tools and cognitive therapy, which has helped greatly. I think your best avenue is one of transparency. Sharing such intimacies with your partner will build trust and understanding and support. He can then make decisions as a result of being fully informed. Wish I had better advice to share but this is something you'll just have to work through, and expect to have setbacks and make mistakes. All part of life
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Most of the people I've come across in my life who experience emotion as you do are this way as a result of abuse and/or neglect in childhood. Not that I know but I don't know if these two childhood events count of a role in my development. When I was 4 years old I witnessed my school playmate getting run down by a car. At that age, I also fell down the stairs while playing with two older cousins (they were 5 and 7 years old at the time) and actually cracked my forehead leaving the 15 points stitch mark which now is lighty visible. After that accident my parents never wanted me play with my cousins, they think it was done on purpose, I'm not sure either, too young to recall it. I only recall the one about my friend but not my cousins.
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 If the two episodes occurred within a short period of time and, especially with the second, if substantial followup wasn't performed, it is very possible that you have a physical basis for what you are experiencing. By physical I mean a chemical/structural abnormality versus personality characteristic. I personally think you could benefit from getting an opinion from a health care professional. I'd start with assessing physical factors and then, absent remarkable indicators, move on to psychological work. Of course, you can do nothing, but, if that's what you really wanted, you wouldn't be here, right?
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Don't enable her by saying it was out of her hands. She is in control of her life, and it's her sole responsibility to fix her broken self. She needs immediate mental examination and psychological evaluation. Do not give her excuses such as she banged her head. That's not her problem. Her problem is something clearly deeper. Also, she clearly is seeking attention. But I'd say she has a disorder within the cluster B of dsm-iv. Most likely antisocial or narcissist pd. She needs immediate attention. Not from us though, but from a professional. Oh, and to the OP... grow a heart, like the grinch
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 We support here. Suggesting paths of examination of the problem is not enabling. If she has had this problem her entire life, it indeed could result from physical trauma. I have a number of EOAD sufferers posting on my dementia forum who were physically abused in their lives (hit in the head with fists) and the damage shows up on the CT and MRI scans. It's real stuff. Being abrasive just drives people away. I've done it enough to know. Anyone truly conversant with mental illness and/or personality disorders has a more detached approach. I hope you're not a medical professional. Lousy bed-side manner. Fired a few like you
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 That's nice carhill, you aren't looking at the bigger picture here. She is bragging basically about having no feelings and not caring. You are trying to be kind to someone who is indifferent to your kindness. You wouldn't fire someone like me, because I'm like House. I keep it real when it needs kept real. Otherwise, I am humerous and kind. You won't catch me being unkind to others on this fourm.
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 So, why don't we just kill her and make the world a better place. After all, she'd be indifferent to the act, right? Do you see the difference? Do you know her? Do you know how deep her indifference goes, if at all? I'll leave you to continue your brow-beating. I've got a house to rehab. Have a great day
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 That's nice carhill, you aren't looking at the bigger picture here. She is bragging basically about having no feelings and not caring. You are trying to be kind to someone who is indifferent to your kindness. You wouldn't fire someone like me, because I'm like House. I keep it real when it needs kept real. Otherwise, I am humerous and kind. You won't catch me being unkind to others on this fourm. At least I'm being straight forward and I ain't afraid to tell people things in their face. I know what you all want to hear, only the ''I'm so sorry I caused this person damage'' stories but it's not my fault if I may lack the feeling of empathy and/or guilt isn't there. I been long wondering what it is to have those feelings to be in love, still wasn't happen which I know I must be mess up. If you ever saw the movie called ''The beautiful mind'', you'll know what I mean. That guy realized he had a problem, he would basically see and talk to people that weren't there. Same with me, I might not have the ability to love as you called it nor develop levels of empathy, I been trying and now I'm dealing with this. Don't you think I want to change? I do want to see what it feels like actually breaking one's heart and feeling guilty about it.
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 So, why don't we just kill her and make the world a better place. After all, she'd be indifferent to the act, right? I know right, it would make the world a better place like. Yes I might be indifferent towards people's feelings and might have those disorders you stated but at least I know there's something not right with me, else why would I even write about it if I didn't care about nothing at all.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Carhill did NOT seriously suggest we kill you brendi. That was a stab at ME. (No pun intended). She was actually defending you. But the mere fact you know something isn't right with you, may possibly rule out narcissism immediately. Narcissists never usually realize they aren't perfect. (And if they do, they hit an ultimate, supreme depression). The fact you realize something isn't right, is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. You CAN help yourself and be "normal". You must talk to a psychologist/councilor immediately. You are not beyond the realm of help, at this point.
Author Brendi_thesnake Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Yes I will be doing that as well. I assume there is a cure for this and someday these emotions will be implanted in me so that way I can feel what it's like feeling.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 They cannot necessarily be implanted, but you can learn them. You CAN learn empathy. Empathy will lead you on a path of emotion. Empathy can be taught as long as you have the desire to learn. I'm pleased you're seeking help, because you can and will get to the light of the end of the tunnel with that attitude.
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