getbackwithex Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Sorry this is long....I dated this girl who worked at the same company as me for about 4 months. Going into the relationship I was nervous because of the work dating thing, but we hit it off and I thought I would give it a shot. She worked on a different floor and I didn't see her everyday and it was working out great, but then she decided to move into my department. I was okay with that however, I was anticipating getting a promotion and our HR department frowned on office relationships, especially since she was an assistant and I was above her in the chain of command. From the beginning of the relationship I mentioned this several times that it might be an issue. I kept telling myself the job is why you are here, not love. I was also going through some tough times. I wasn't 100% sure I was getting the promotion and if it didn't happen I would have been fired....it's was that kind of company. For 5 years it's all I knew and wanted and didn't really date anyone because of the stress and work load. But then she came into the picture and I got scared and thought you need to end this before it becomes to complicated or what if you have to move or something? I didn't want to hurt myself I guess you could say. The promotion happened and afterwards I realized I had made a huge mistake. I realized I love this girl, but I didn't know what to do. I tried to let it go and move on, thinking she has done the same. Several months passed and I finally decided to reach out to her so I told her that I made a horrible mistake, told her how I really felt and asked to give it another try. She of course said she just wanted to be friends. I kept my distance because I was really hurting. I know she saw my pain on a couple of occasions, but I left her alone out of respect knowing that would only push her away more if I bugged her. Then one day out of the blue she asked me how I was doing on instant messenger while at work. We chatted briefly and a week or two later I got the courage to ask her to go on a hike. We did that and she also came to my best friends house for dinner one night, just as friends. Since my initial confession of love, I NEVER brought up getting back together or anything and over the next couple of months she was warming up a little. Random instant messages, smiles, etc. But all of a sudden I am getting the cold shoulder and I don't know why exactly. I heard there was a rumor going around about me that I was dating this other girl who also worked in the department. It wasn't true, but I know she heard about it. I tried a few more times to chat or hang out as friends, but she would only respond with one word answers. After a couple weeks of that I knew something was wrong. A mutual friend had lunch with her and asked about me, and she said that she was leaving me alone because she didn't want to give me the wrong impression. I don't understand why now? How come she was speaking to me, hanging out, etc. before, but all of a sudden now she thinks I need some time to heal? Why didn't that happen at the beginning? I know for a fact that she hasn't dated anyone since we broke up and isn't now. I know the chances of getting back together are almost none and I haven't really spoken to her since it became obvious she doesn't want to speak to me, but I still miss her. What do you think I should do if anything? My gut says leave her alone, but I was told that my instincts suck (the break up was WRONG) so should I continue to reach out to her as a friend? Should I lay it all on the line and talk about getting back together? I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
pandagirl Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Tell her how you feel! Lay it all on the line. It's not really saying you want her back if you aren't being honest about your feelings with her. You only live once. Say how you feel or else you'll regret it.
samspade Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Tell her how you feel! Lay it all on the line. It's not really saying you want her back if you aren't being honest about your feelings with her. You only live once. Say how you feel or else you'll regret it. It sounds like you already did this, and it didn't work. Getback, I think you probably hurt this girl when you first broke it off. Then you went back to her and told her you still wanted her. She rejected the idea of getting back together, but she saw a small window in which she could string you along and then drop you like you dropped her because she knew she had an advantage over you and a chance to get even. I know that sounds underhanded, even malicious, but men and women do it all the time. It's not very mature but it's quite common. I'm not saying she was a bad person, but I think the simplest explanation for her behavior is probably the correct one. My advice is to find someone outside of the workplace. Sure, it didn't complicate things too much, since you're in different departments, but look at the misery you've caused yourself. She already knows how you feel about her, so there's not much you can do.
Author getbackwithex Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 I definitely laid it all out there, told her exactly how I felt at the beginning, but when she said she just wanted to be friends I respected that and haven't mentioned it since. Well, I did say that I cared for her another time, but didn't lay it on thick and told her being friends was all that mattered. Another friend of mine said the same thing about being strung along, but mutual friends close to her and myself feel that just isn't who she is. But of course break ups make people do things they may not otherwise, so I know it's a possibility. I also heard that she is having a really hard time at work, discovered it wasn't what she thought it was and now she is frustrated and unsure about what to do or where her life needs to go. I don't want to add to that frustration, but would like to be helpful. That's exactly where I was when I broke up with her. I was unsure of myself and confused on what the next move was. We did see each other yesterday and both smiled and casually said hello to one another so she isn't completely ignoring me. She is going to my best friends house to bake cookies with his mother and I thought about going up there, but I don't want to be the stalker. I am there all the time, but my friend is out of town and she might find that weird, no? I can be patient and stay away, but I also don't want to miss out on the right opportunity. Thanks for the input.
confused_2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Pretty much this exact same thing happened to me. I dated this girl for a while and it ended too soon because of my foolishness. Anyway, we continued speaking for a few months and she always seemed like she was happy to see me, etc. I laid it all on the line too and then one day she dropped me like I was a piece of crap (which I probably am ). I think samspade is exactly right. Karma's a b***h.
Author getbackwithex Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Pretty much this exact same thing happened to me. I dated this girl for a while and it ended too soon because of my foolishness. Anyway, we continued speaking for a few months and she always seemed like she was happy to see me, etc. I laid it all on the line too and then one day she dropped me like I was a piece of crap (which I probably am ). I think samspade is exactly right. Karma's a b***h. Yeah, I think I've come to the conclusion that if it was meant to be it will happen. There is nothing I can do or say to control fate. I've already started dating again and will just move on and forget about it. I've read a lot of people say that if she is curious, she will make contact, but don't keep setting yourself up for failure by reaching out just to get rejected again. It's not worth it.
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