mkr90 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Okay so i cheated on my boyfriend with my ex (he was my first) i didnt really mean to but it happened i dont care for my ex anymore and i really just want my boyfriend back i have done everything i could do, i have bought him food to work, my friend has gone to his house to give him gifts i have bought for him, i live in richmond and he lives in roanoke so its really hard for me to see him and make him realize i am over my ex i really want him back but i dont know what else i could do or atleast what else i should do...
lkjh Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 if I have this right your boyfriend knows and you are trying to get him back?
Author mkr90 Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 yes he found out because i had written my ex a note telling him i missed him and i wanted him back and in the note i wrote about the time we had sex i didnt send my ex the note because i had read wat i said and i thought about it and really realized i didnt care about him anymore and i felt so bad about what i did... but my boyfriend wont take me back and i dont know if i am wasting my time because i know he doesnt trust me anymore and i know he will never forget but i really want him to forgive me and take me back...
dead-dyke Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Well, to put it bluntly, would you trust you if the shoe were on the other foot?
amaysngrace Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Stop sending him presents. I don't know what would bother me worse if I were him...being cheated on by you or being seen as so shallow by you that you could just buy your way back into my heart.
changchewsoon Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 you're basically dead in the water, so i guess chances of him taking you back is slim.
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Even if he did take you back he'll never trust you again and will fell a self loathing of .....anyway, I think your dead in the water too. Go get another bf.
samspade Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I'm guessing (I could be wrong) that more than wanting him back, you want him not to be angry at you and you want things to be back to how they were before you screwed them up. That will not happen, and, as biggyg said, he'll never trust you again. You can't put toothpaste back in the tube.
carhill Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 OP, how old are you? That's a bit of a drive from Richmond to Roanoke....how long has this LDR been going on? IMO, based on the minimal info so far, let him go and find a nice young man in Richmond. Great town. Oh, yeah, stop effing the ex. He doesn't exist anymore, at least if you want to have healthy future relationships.
Kenyth Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Um, sorry, but that's typically the price of doing business with infidelity. It's hard enough to make things work again in a marriage. In a fragile dating relationship, it's instant death. Take it as a lesson learned in life and start over again.
troubadour Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Cheat again... at least you will have your cake.
Author mkr90 Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 we have been in a LDR for four months i mean its really not that hard we talked every day and i always visted him every other weekend... we still talk like all the time every day and he still tells me what he does but he just always brings up how his single and he can do everythin he wants i get upset and we end up arguein and he always wants to get off... i just really want him to forgive him i know i wont ever do it again i dont know if i can just forget him its so hard
BackonTrack2 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I write this post because I don't think you understand, you didn't make a mistake... You shattered something that is needed inorder for a relationship to survive. Like with cars, you need gasaline, with relationships you need trust, without it, it can never work. Your boyfriend probably thought you were his, by allowing someone else to enter what he thought was HIS, means you do not care what he has to say, you have showed the ultimate DISRESPECT toward him if he loved you and if he is a smart man. No one cares about your feelings or if your over him and "Its not a big deal" in your eyes, but I don't think he will enter in a relationship with you again or hang out with you, or talk to you, or be the same, he just looks at you different now and his actions shows it. In the future, if you value any relationships, just know if you CHEAT, and the other person finds out, and the other person CARES, the other person will not want to be your friend, no matter what... Its a serious issue. At least you learn something from this experience, like 1+1=2. Cheat + Relationship = End
samsungxoxo Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Welcome to loveshack mkr90, Well right now it's really up to your b/f's decision if he wants to take you back or not. I would stop bringing him gifts because by doing that you're pressuring him to take you back. The more you ask, the worst it gets, he might come around, who knows, but go NC on him for a while. Do give him space and if he decides to talk to you, do express how remorseful you are and why you did it. If he asked you questions about it, then do be honest with him. Now if it doesn't work out, then remember to use this as a lesson and don't do it again in your next relationship. Oh yea our first ones are hard to forget, they will always be remember. Maybe that was happening to you, a short reminder of the time you lost your virginity to your first and basically wanted to keep it in their mind as your first love to remember, kinda like an eco.
EmperorR Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 If only my ex was remorseful like you ah, but once you cheat the trust is gone, sorry trust is a hard thing to rebuild.
samsungxoxo Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 If only my ex was remorseful like you ah, but once you cheat the trust is gone, sorry trust is a hard thing to rebuild. Sorry to hear what happened to you. Yea those unremorseful cheaters are the ones that deserve all the labeling. I agree trust is broken after that, sad thing and it never gets to be the same as before because now the person will always keep one eye open.
Author mkr90 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 i mean i understand the trust is broken but i dont understand him though like i am coming in tom and where hangin out the whole weekend i am stayn at his house and his find with it he even said his excited like i dont know one min he brings up what i did next he acts like everythin is fine
Geishawhelk Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Okay so i cheated on my boyfriend with my ex (he was my first) i didnt really mean to but it happened ... Sorry to beat my drum again, but the above comment is BS. It might not have been planned, but to say you didn't really mean to, but it happened, is trying to offload responsibility for your actions, and put them "out there somewhere" onto an unknown factor. This just isn't right. Now, please understand, I'm not flaming you, I'm saying this for a reason: Nobody forced you to have sex with your ex. Nobody forced you at gunpoint, or obliged you to do it, or said it was something you had to do. So who climbed into bed with him, knowing what you were going to do, and did it? You did. So you could have helped it, and it didn't just happen. You allowed it to progress and unfold. You could have said no, and refused it, but you didn't. So you were willing at the time. In order to move past this, you have to own your actions, take responsibility, and try to decipher why exactly, you did what you did. When you become honest with yourself, and admit your part in the decision, then it will be easier for you to see a way forward.
FF84 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Stop insulting him with presents and empty gestures and show the guy some genuine respect: leave him alone.
Woggle Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Leave him alone and let him come back to you if he chooses. Quite honestly though I think you have blown it. This is the price of betraying somebody that trusted you. Learn from this and don't do the same thing with future men.
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