MN randomguy Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Just wanted to open this up. I will never know what girls talk about when they're together. But, on several occassions I've broken into a really high quality cliche where there are 2 or 3 single girls I would be interested in dating. Maybe its a common occurrence but, I seem to be the one they decide should date their least desirable friend. Anyone know of a way to combat this? Is there any way to reject this girl and still have some standing in the group?
IrishCarBomb Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Don't let them decide. Just ask out the girl you are attracted to.
PrincessPeach Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Their "least desirable friend" is probably interested in you.
zhsoj Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Their "least desirable friend" is probably interested in you. Haha. Classic.
D-Jam Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Just be straightforward and honest. Although I'd tell you if they're all wanting to you date the one you don't want, then it says the 2-3 you're interested in aren't interested in you.
kashmir Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 With every group of girls who have befriended me this has been the case. I would have liked to go for 1 or 2 particular ones, but they were aware that another one had a crush on me, one that I wasn't that attracted to. I'd say this is almost impossible to combat. The other single girls are not going to "betray" their friend who called dibs on you first. And let me tell you, if you show that you're not interested in the girl that likes you, they'll get rid of you in a heartbeat. It kinda sucks, because it still helps to have a bunch of girl friends.
D-Jam Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 With every group of girls who have befriended me this has been the case. I would have liked to go for 1 or 2 particular ones, but they were aware that another one had a crush on me, one that I wasn't that attracted to. I'd say this is almost impossible to combat. The other single girls are not going to "betray" their friend who called dibs on you first. And let me tell you, if you show that you're not interested in the girl that likes you, they'll get rid of you in a heartbeat. It kinda sucks, because it still helps to have a bunch of girl friends. This is part of the reason why I don't deal with "packs" of girls, and why I tell women who are seeking to meet men that they shouldn't hide themselves in the pack all the time. It only keeps many guys from never bothering. It's one of the big reasons I tell guys not to bother with women at bars or clubs unless you see a clear sign of interest. Most women go out in packs with the "I just want to dance, drink, and hang with my friends" attitude (despite that they doll themselves up to be noticed ) and thus stay in the packs. If she's not going to make herself open and available to have men meet her, then she's got no business later complaining she can't meet any men.
PrincessPeach Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 It's one of the big reasons I tell guys not to bother with women at bars or clubs unless you see a clear sign of interest. Most women go out in packs with the "I just want to dance, drink, and hang with my friends" attitude (despite that they doll themselves up to be noticed ) and thus stay in the packs. If we girls come to the club in a group of three or more... it's a girls' night out thing and chances are no guy is 'getting' any of us except under certain special circumstances (which someone we haven't met will almost never meet). We are just out to have fun with our friends, but we still need to look presentable in public If we come to the club with just one other girlfriend... chances are we are looking or hoping to meet or get picked up by guys.
You'reasian Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 This is part of the reason why I don't deal with "packs" of girls, and why I tell women who are seeking to meet men that they shouldn't hide themselves in the pack all the time. It only keeps many guys from never bothering.. Playing the devil's advocate: perhaps its because women, in general, fear going out alone. Not just for security reasons, but because they just aren't that bold (again, there are exceptions). Perhaps if you were to approach the group, with your own friendly makeshift group of male friends, you could mingle....get your wingman working for you etc. Sure we'd like a woman to be comfortable being alone and able to deal with us open minded, one on one but the reality is that a few bad apples have spoiled the bunch and so women must travel in packs. It's one of the big reasons I tell guys not to bother with women at bars or clubs unless you see a clear sign of interest. Most women go out in packs with the "I just want to dance, drink, and hang with my friends" attitude (despite that they doll themselves up to be noticed ) and thus stay in the packs. The reason why women doll themselves up, is for themselves. They like to look pretty. For them, not for you or I. If they draw wanted attention, that's icing on the cake for them. Unfortunately, by putting themselves out there they may draw attention from many men, some they don't desire - thus having their friends able to pull them away from the undesired guy. Sometimes women within the group may dissaprove you, while the female herself may find you hot - reasons could be anything from just being protective to being jealous that you're breaking their groups cohesive fun.
D-Jam Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 If we girls come to the club in a group of three or more... it's a girls' night out thing and chances are no guy is 'getting' any of us except under certain special circumstances (which someone we haven't met will almost never meet). We are just out to have fun with our friends, but we still need to look presentable in public I agree...it's my point as well. Nothing wrong with that by the way. It's not like single women must be on the search for men when they go out, but I have unfortunately seen too many examples of women who play the irony on themselves of complaining how men won't approach, but failing to see they aren't giving men a good opportunity to approach. If we come to the club with just one other girlfriend... chances are we are looking or hoping to meet or get picked up by guys. That's some good advice for men to read! It's useless to me (unless I somehow become single again), but a great thing to know. Playing the devil's advocate: perhaps its because women' date=' in general, fear going out alone. Not just for security reasons, but because they just aren't that bold (again, there are exceptions).[/quote'] I agree with you. Again, not saying all single women must be searching for men when the go out, and I know it's scary out there. Believe me, I've heard a number of horror stories from my female friends. Sucks that a few bad apples on my own gender make it harder for the rest. Perhaps if you were to approach the group' date=' with your own friendly makeshift group of male friends, you could mingle....get your wingman working for you etc.[/quote'] I think that's a better strategy for what PrincessPeach stated about how women who might be looking to meet men will only go out with one friend as opposed to the pack. In the end though...a clear signal is the best thing. Group or one friend, it shows she's interested. Sure we'd like a woman to be comfortable being alone and able to deal with us open minded' date=' one on one but the reality is that a few bad apples have spoiled the bunch and so women must travel in packs.[/quote'] I agree. Again, it's why I tell many guys that unless they have some real game or above-average features that makes them stand out from the pack, they are better sticking to social capital and non-bar environments where women might have their guards more lowered. Believe me, it's amazing how more sociable and open women are to total strangers at an event like wine tasting or a gallery opening. As a man you just have to pick the avenues where you won't have to chisel through a brick wall of legitimate fears to get the girl. The reason why women doll themselves up, is for themselves. They like to look pretty. For them, not for you or I. If they draw wanted attention, that's icing on the cake for them. Unfortunately, by putting themselves out there they may draw attention from many men, some they don't desire - thus having their friends able to pull them away from the undesired guy. Very true. It's again why it's better for a guy to get a clear signal of interest, and learn to back off when it's clear she's not interested. Believe me, if she's really interested, then even her pack of gal pals won't keep her from giving said guy her number. Sometimes women within the group may dissaprove you' date=' while the female herself may find you hot - reasons could be anything from just being protective to being jealous that you're breaking their groups cohesive fun.[/quote'] True. I simply say that if the girl wants to know the guy more then she should stand her ground when it comes to her friends. If her friends are sabotaging her chances at meeting interesting guys then they aren't friends. Even though I am a male, I've had friends who sabotaged me. They're not my friends anymore and I could tell they more wanted to find someone before me and/or have company in their own misery. All in all though, my opinion still stands that unless said guy has some real game, or he gets a clear sign of interest...he shouldn't bother with the pack. If women who hide in their packs all the time want to complain they never meet any guys, then they should take a moment to wonder if they're making things open and inviting enough for men to approach.
Author MN randomguy Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Thanks everyone, The time that is still haunting me was not a going out time. It was a lifelong friend of mine, his girlfriend's friends. The friend's GF thought I ws such a great guy. She was going to set me up with one of her friends. I told her no obese girls. So, then she set me up with "Girl A". Girl A was really naive and just figuring out that she's hot. Went on one date with me was supposedly just broken up with her boyfriend. We had a wonderful time, talked for hours, she was insightful and everything I was looking for. I was in love . Kept leading me on and inviting me to a couple of house parties with the rest of their college friends. I met the friends and the D.U.F.F. of the group "Girl B" really liked me. I knew this and tried to distance myself. The "friend" worked to get me to date her. I can't decide if I am upset that I lost out on Girl A or if I am upset at the friend for such a betrayal. He never did admit that he should have had my best interests at heart. Lately I'm finding that even my parents do not want the best for me. They tell me I should date some of the less attractive girls in the neighborhood that are having a hard time finding guys. My dad over Thanksgiving even asked me if I felt sorry for some of them. This is obvious that they want me around and care about that more than my happiness. So, I need new friends and to present myself in a new light. One of the most successful daters I know gave me the same advice Irishcarbomb did. But, reason for the original post is that I feel there has got to be a better way of not getting claimed. It seems like there's something I can't pick-up on. But, I need more people to tell me as Irish and D-jam did. Go for what you want, if they don't want to lose social status, F-em.
Author MN randomguy Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Even though I am a male, I've had friends who sabotaged me. They're not my friends anymore and I could tell they more wanted to find someone before me and/or have company in their own misery. +1 I think he just wanted to have something over me. Probably been doing this for years without me realizing it. Just sooo Narcissistic. Now, wing man potential is one criteria that I have for who I'll invest in for friendships.
D-Jam Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Frankly, a true friend is one who introduces you to the single people they know and lets chemistry happen. He/she doesn't "stay out of it" to cover their own arses from whatever fears of drama they have. They simply tell the single friends they make no guarantees or promises, but they introduce. Then it's up to them if it becomes a RL, friends, or nothing. Biggest problem nowadays is that too many out there don't realize this task comes with friendships. Lord knows I wish I could find perfect mates for every single, lonely friend I have. This is what social capital is all about. It's how most of our parents met one another and found love.
Author MN randomguy Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Totally agree, It was fine until the hard sell on the DUFF came in. Guy and his brother spent two hours in a pub telling me that I'm not the kind of guy who dates attractive women. I told him repeatedly that his GF's friends aren't the only women in the world. Just too selfish to stand up to his princess GF on the issue.
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