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I Was Friends With Ex for six years prior to going out can we be friends again?


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I don't know if my situation is different but I don't hate my ex. I now logically understand the situation a bit better. I just wish he was more up front with me. I felt he was giving me mixed signals.

 

Sometimes I wonder because we were an interracial couple if the difference was just too much?

 

Why should I deny how I feel? I have been "coping" with not communicating with him for over the past free weeks but I am not thrilled of course not.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing? Maybe he wants me out of his life anyway? Who knows? I have known this guy for almost six years we were friends for most of the six years. And he was a good friend for most of the six years.

 

He is a good person and for most of the six years he was a very good friend. A few weeks ago when I called him he hurt me. I called him because I was confused. I felt like he was manipulating me and I was in limbo.

 

I should mention though that I am out of the closet and he is not. His family does not know he is gay. My family knows I am gay it is no mystery it is no surprise. Even my extended family knows I am gay.

He says his family wants to put into an arranged marriage with a woman.

 

I realize this is very important it may explain his behavior perhaps?

I feet like he was playing with my feelings and emotions. On Halloween he invited me to a party with his friends. I went to the Halloween party because I will be honest I wanted to be with him.

 

Prior to attending the Halloween party we met up at the subway station he said "how should I introduce you? Should I call you my ex boyfriend?" A red flag emerged I thought to myself "why am I here? Why did I come to this party? Why do I want to see him? what is going on here?" We talked in the park he told me we had a "past, present, and future together." He told me he "still had feelings for me". I went to the party it was good met his friends they seem like nice people. Now I realize he just really wanted me to attend the Halloween party.

 

But when I got home after the Halloween party I started to think to myself "what is going on here?" I call him on a Thursday night and he says that I "only called him twice within the past six weeks." I mentioned to him that we had "broken up what did he expect?"

 

He doesn't open up to me about his feelings at all. Yet he used to open ip to me when we were just friends. I will acknowledge though he does have a point that for the past six years "prior" to us dating when we were "just friends" he did most of the phone calling.

 

Anyway, last time I contacted him was on Nov. 6th I believe it was a Friday evening and I asked "what is going on here? What are we doing?" He snapped at me and said "why do we have to talk about this? Why do you need clarity?"

I said "don't I have a right to know what's going on here?"

 

"I already told you I don't want to go out with you." I felt like I was getting mixed signals.

 

For my birthday two months ago he went all out for me paid for the dinner, took me to a movie, got me seasons I and II of the Golden Girls my favorite television show. I guess I thought he still had feelings for me.

 

I asked him "were you just being nice?" He said "what do you mean just being nice?" I asked again "taking me out for my birthday, paying for the dinner, buying me the DVDs were you just being nice?" He snapped again "okay then I was just being nice."

 

Next I asked a really stupid question I admit this. I asked "are you still sexually attracted to me?" He said "no." I felt so bad I honestly did. I talked to my sister about this she says in her mind it is obvious he was trying to hurt me. I felt like he was trying to push me away. He tells me one thing one week and then the next week he tells me something else.

He next says "I don't want to go out with you but I see you as a close friend." So then I said "I think I have to go." He says "is this it?" I ask "what do you mean?" He says "is this it?" I said "I don't know?" I ask "do you have anything else to say?" He says "no" and then the conversation ended a few minutes later.

 

Well after that conversation I just decided I can't talk to him and I haven't contacted him in three weeks. So why do I feel sad?

 

I know I am doing the right thing because I feel he was so disrespectful to me on the phone. He was cruel. I won't tolerate this. I wonder does he have a heart of stone? Does not see how he is hurting me? So I have talked to a few people about my situation they tell me it will take time but I must continue what I am doing. I must continue with no contact they say it is the only way. I guess I am grieving a loss of a friend. He is gone it seems.

 

I miss him though I honestly do. I wonder "does he think about me?" "does he care about me?" However, whenever I think about contacting him I think to myself, "what is the point contacting him? What will this accomplish?" And this is the reason why I haven't contacted him.

I understand he is going through "something" with his family. He tells me his family wants to put him in an arranged marriage with a woman but he is gay. He comes from a culture where homosexuality is not socially acceptable. I wonder, were we too different due to race? Is race a factor? Or maybe it was just timing perhaps? I guess all I need is time. Everyone tells me I just need time. I hope they are right that time is all I need here.

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