always waiting Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Has anyone ever ended up with there MM???? And if you did how long did it take for them to leave??
GreenEyedLady Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I am now married to mine. It took 2 and half years before he started the process of leaving. Over one of those years I didn't know he was even married. Like I said in your other thread, he's not at the point. It takes a while for MM to get attached, truly love you and willing to take the risk. And he has to have ZERO romantic love left for his W. If there's even a smidgen, don't bother. He'll waffle and that spells heartache for you. You just got here. Read through the threads here. And don't let him call the shots. It's on your terms.
NoIDidn't Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I am now married to mine. It took 2 and half years before he started the process of leaving. Over one of those years I didn't know he was even married. Like I said in your other thread, he's not at the point. It takes a while for MM to get attached, truly love you and willing to take the risk. And he has to have ZERO romantic love left for his W. If there's even a smidgen, don't bother. He'll waffle and that spells heartache for you. You just got here. Read through the threads here. And don't let him call the shots. It's on your terms. I know I don't have the power to tell people what to respond to, but GEL I do think you shouldn't have responded first with your success story - might give too much hope. Always waiting has invested too much into something that it doesn't sound like she is anywhere near to attaining. He says he's "confused". That is not what a man planning to divorce says when he is actually planning a divorce. Thinking about divorce, maybe. But not planning one. Always waiting, I hope you consider that you could be waiting for several years. You picked the June/July time period because it would be about a year of the two of your being in the affair. But MM do not measure their affairs like their marriages. There are no anniversaries in affairs for the MM - unless you get a true romantic (and if you did, he would have left by now). In relationship time, one year is yesterday. Five years is like a few days ago. You don't start to feel the time until ten years. You could be waiting for a long time is all I am saying. Do you have children? Do you want (more?) children? You might miss your opportunity for either waiting for a MM to D his W.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I know I don't have the power to tell people what to respond to' date=' but GEL I do think you shouldn't have responded first with your success story - might give too much hope.[/quote'] I don't consider mine a "success" story although I get very much what you are saying. I think that these stories end the way they are meant to end. What will be, will be. I think the OP's story very much sounds like the cakeeater variety. Sometimes it works out, most times it does not. You have to analyze the different stories and find the similarities and differences. I can't help if I was around at the time the OP first posted. But let's face the facts. Most MM don't leave because they just want more sex. They don't usually want a completely different life. It's figuring out what your man really wants, what's really important to him and whether you are willing to wait and accept scraps. I found that the more I demanded, the more I got. I'm sure that won't work with everyone, but then it definitely separates the type, doesn't it? GEL
norajane Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 But let's face the facts. Most MM don't leave because they just want more sex. They don't usually want a completely different life. It's figuring out what your man really wants, what's really important to him and whether you are willing to wait and accept scraps. I found that the more I demanded, the more I got. I'm sure that won't work with everyone, but then it definitely separates the type, doesn't it? GEL You didn't just demand more, you put your money where your mouth was - you demanded everything and showed him through your actions that you were serious. You did not accept being an OW anymore. You left him. He had no choice, if he really wanted you, but to show you the same seriousness of purpose by leaving his wife.
OWoman Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 You didn't just demand more, you put your money where your mouth was - you demanded everything and showed him through your actions that you were serious. You did not accept being an OW anymore. You left him. He had no choice, if he really wanted you, but to show you the same seriousness of purpose by leaving his wife. Interesting point! I've always found you get what you settle for in Rs of any kind. If you demand more - that's what you'll get, if not from someone who can't give it, then from someone better, who can. When i was the OW, I made my terms very clear at the outset, and no MM ever failed to meet them - it was all on my terms, and suited me perfectly. When I decided I wanted something else, because MM and I had moved into a different space, we discused it and we both did the necessary to attain it. Now we're together and, within the next couple of days he should receive his final divorce order making him a free man (though not for long as he'll be M again shortly!) If you make it clear what you'll take and what you won't, you can sort the wheat from the chaff. If you settle for less, then less is what you'll get. IME, anyway.
MeMyself Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Mine left rather quickly. They shared a home, but lived completely different lives. Within 6 weeks he had left.
White Flower Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I am now married to mine. It took 2 and half years before he started the process of leaving. Over one of those years I didn't know he was even married. Like I said in your other thread, he's not at the point. It takes a while for MM to get attached, truly love you and willing to take the risk. And he has to have ZERO romantic love left for his W. If there's even a smidgen, don't bother. He'll waffle and that spells heartache for you. You just got here. Read through the threads here. And don't let him call the shots. It's on your terms.You're married already? And I wasn't invited??? Just kidding. Congratulations and I'm so happy for you:)
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