Khrist Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Hello all, this is my fist post. I'm a 21 year old male and my girlfriend and I go to separate schools, been dating for 8 months. She's 18 and is a freshman--a petite red head, a little pear shaped. We agreed to stay together with her just starting college (500 miles away) but keep things a little loose for her first semester. Anyway we've been talking on the phone and skype 2-3 times a week for the first few months of the semester so I was aware that she'd been partying a lot and she had talked to me about gaining "a couple" pounds. When we met up for thanksgiving she was wearing stretch pants and she was really looking thicker--like maybe 20 extra pounds or more. Anyway, the whole day she seemed really self conscious around me and my family, she even made a couple self-depricating remarks about her weight while we were eating thanksgiving dinner. The subject really didn't come up privately, however. Although I wanted to bring it up so I could tell her she's beautiful and sexy, and should feel good about her self but I wasn't sure how to do it. Truth is, I like thicker girls and I think she looks really good with all the extra weight in her hips, thighs and butt (she's probably 135-140 at 5'2.5" now vs 115 3 months ago). I think she looks fantastic physically with the extra weight. On the other hand, I don't want her to be self-conscious around me or anyone and at the same time I would prefer she not gain another 20 or 30 pounds because then she'd be a little bigger than I would like and would actually outweight me which I do not want. I don't want her to be self conscious about her body, I think she looks hotter than ever right now physically, at the same time I don't want her to gain a bunch more weight...phew....any feedback? What I should say to her, etc?
spookie Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I think it's a little controlling of you to want her to maintain a certain weight just because of your sexual preferences.
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I think it's a little controlling of you to want her to maintain a certain weight just because of your sexual preferences. Sounds pretty honest to me. It's a requisite in any relationship that you be attracted to the person. That said, there is nothing you can say to a woman about her weight--a total damned if you do damned if you don't situation. Truthfully, a lot of her anxiety about her weight has nothing to do with you. You show her that you find her more attractive now by being totally all over her, which shouldn't be so hard.
Author Khrist Posted December 19, 2008 Author Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks for your responses Me and Aimee are back home for winter break and spending lots of time together. I feel bad for her because she's had a real crummy week and I'm not sure what to say to make her feel better. Her mom made her go to the doctors because of her weight gain I guess she was thinking maybe Aimee could have a thyroid problem or something I don't know. Turns out the doctor schooled her on BMI and informed her that the 26 pounds she gained this semester made her technically overweight (she's been thin her whole life) and he actually even said she should go on a diet over break and gave her a diet plan to follow. Her mom also gave her a little bit of **** over growing out of most of her clothes as if she hadn't already insulted her enough by making her go to the doctor. I've been making a point of telling her how beautiful she is but it doesn't seem to be working she's acting real self-conscious and seems kind of depressed. We've been sitting around watching TV together at my house more than going out and having fun. She keeps saying she feels fat and ugly. Other than the little extra weight she's what most guys would consider "a hottie" I tell her she's pretty but nothin I say seems to register. Any ideas what I can do to make her feel better about herself?
Habibti Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Sounds pretty honest to me. It's a requisite in any relationship that you be attracted to the person. That said, there is nothing you can say to a woman about her weight--a total damned if you do damned if you don't situation. Truthfully, a lot of her anxiety about her weight has nothing to do with you. You show her that you find her more attractive now by being totally all over her, which shouldn't be so hard. I used to be one of those people who thought "you can't help who you're attracted too" and all of that other false bull****. I used to date by looks and had no idea how much I was limiting myself or how immature I was being. When you actually love someone (and i just know some real tom johnson will fire back at me with something like..what if your husband gained 400 pounds) for who they are inside they will AUTOMATICALLY become attractive physically. If it's the other way around, you're just into their physical appearance. Now, that doesn't mean we should all stop showering and let ourselves go no, but if you feel good about yourself and it's in your personality inwardly you will take care of the outside, maybe you'll be a little pudgy or what have you but for the most part you'll do the best with what you have. Here's what opened my eyes, I was at dinner with someone I was dating when he made a comment that he could never attracted to his wife when she was pregnant until she lost the weight. I was kind of floored, then he went on to say if his wife or partner were in a bad accident and lost a limb or became somewhat disfigured he could not stay with them because he just wouldn't be physically attracted to them "and you can't help what you like". That opened my eyes REALLY quickly. Needless to say I dropped him like he was hot and the next man I dated I was madly in love with but physically he did not interest me AT ALL on the surface but I gave him a chance and he turned into the sexiest man on the planet for me because I loved who he was inside. So, never again will I buy that shallow B.S. It's fine you don't want her to gain more weight, but what if she did? What if she ate right, worked out and just couldn't help it, her body just filled out that way? Etc.
porter218 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 You guys are being way too critical of the OP. I am sure he isn't saying he wouldn't love her anymore if she kept gaining weight...he just prefers she doesn't. What is wrong with that?? He wants to let her know she looks good with that extra weight on her but not to mislead her into thinking 'the more the better'. Khrist...just tell her she looks hot the way she is and don't over think it too much. Let her know that she is at her sexiest right now and to not worry about what her insane mother is saying. Poor girl is probably starting to worry that you don't like her current weight due to your lack of response whenever she brings up the subject.
Author Khrist Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Thank you for your responses. She's been following the diet the doctor gave her (for the most part anyway) and so far she's lost a grand total of 1 pound. I really never even asked her how the diet was going or what she lost but she'd just start talking out of nowhere about how she knows she hasn't lost weight yet but I should give her some time and she'd lose it even though I never even mentioned anything about it. So I finally came clean with her and told her I liked her with the extra weight I just wish she'd accept herself because she's sexier when she's confident and physically more attractive to me with the extra weight. She paused in disbelief and then smiled then we had some really passionate "time" together. She still seems a little self conscious but in kind of an adorable way and she's not nervous and defensive around me now, which is great. I'm also really enjoying her "stacked" body. I spend the little money I had and bought her some sexy clothes for christmas (tight jeans, little skirt) and that seems to helping her self image too. While she may not be a sick anymore she can still turn a few heads as she had a pretty phenomental booty at this point, and its nice seeing her a little more comfortable with her body.
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