unconditional love Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 So my girl friend of 4 years broke up with me about a month ago now, to read more of that story you can check my only other post on this website if you'd like... The problem I'm having though is the NC. We still talk every single day and multiple times and heck we even hangout on a lot of days. We we're the only thing the other had for years now and are both struggling to get on to something else, I don't want to get on to anything else because I'm in love with her. The struggle is that we have all the same friends. ALL OF THEM. So we are going to be put in social things together a lot. I just don't know how to act. I haven't been contacting her, she has been the one getting in touch with me everyday and wanting to hangout and do things for her. Heck we've even gone out on what anyone else would call a date. We just haven't had any physical relationship at all though, she doesn't want it. We haven't even hugged since the break up. Help!
EmperorR Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ You need to go No Contact, if you share the same friends, and cant avoid her as you said "Q. What if I see them in public? A. Read No Foolin's thread on NC (in my signature file). Bottom line, avoid contact with them at all cost. If you can't, just be polite and smile and wave if they wave at you. If they want to talk, remember the rule. No small talk, no information. You're doing great without them, even if you aren't."
spupwc Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Seriously, U need to move out of town/make new friends if u have too!!!! she is gona drag u around for a while till she finds another man/ then throw u too the curb and it is gona cause deeper pain for u than disappearing, the only chance u may have is too let her miss u, and get some power bak.... even if u wud get bak don't think the coast is clear which I found out the hard way.. my wife left me for someone else and I took her bak two mths later only for her to dump me again for the same guy two mths later in which I found she was still sleeping with him while we were bak together... now my life is a complete mess and I m depressed most of the time, trying to get it all together again but the minutes r hours and the days r like weeks anymore... run while u can and don't screw urself up like I have over her..it's a living hell
Surfer Dude Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I was also in the same position as you. Listen to these people, try to start you NC and your healing. I know it seems crazy to kick your ex out of your life right now when you seem to be good friends, but nothing could be more necessary. Best case scenario is that she'll drag you along till something comes up, after that she'll go NC and you'll never hear from her again. But things usually don't work out that way, she'll probably try to remain your friend even after she gets a boyfriend (and believe me, she will), she might try to include you in her life and all these details will be too much to take and you'll eventually go crazy and decide to start NC seriously. It'll be easier starting NC after she hurts you even more, but by doing it now you would spare yourself a lot of pain in the process. What possible benefits do you get by being her friend? Serving as her emotional support and validation isn't really best for you. One way friendships don't work, and you are in one right now. It's always one way friendship between dumper and dumpee. If she wanted you to be a part of her romantic life, she wouldn't kick you out. And let's face it, being friends with an ex love is absolutely crazy and self destructive. Try going NC gently. Tell her that you believe that cutting contact for a while would be the best and see how it goes from there. Don't tell her "SLUT DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN" lol (like I did), just tell her you need to take some time off your friendship and clear your mind. Hope this helps you.
Crazy.S Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Hey man I have been there and it sucks. My ex of 4 years too broke up with me. And we share all the same friends. But the only diff between you and me is that my ex lived 70 miles away. And so did those friends I shared with her. That really helped me, because I gave her those friends. I haven't seen or been to that place for a long time. The funny thing is that my friends are mad at her and they hate her new bf, so she hangs out with her bf's friends. You need to find a compromise. Easiest way is to avoid seeing your friends when she is there. Trust me, your friends will understand. Just don't be a stranger to them and they will be there for you when you are ready.
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