Study Shows Divorce May not Increase Happiness

[Scottdmw]

For those considering divorce, you might want to take a look at this study:

 

http://www.americanvalues.org/html/r-unhappy_ii.html

 

It basically suggests that while happiness may increase following a divorce, it on average does not rebound as high as people often suggest it will. Here's a quote:

 

"the study found no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married. Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later"

 

Worth considering.

 

Scott

[BrooklynBridge]

I can tell you this, it increased my happiness!!

 

Turned my life of desperation and endless misery into pure happiness and an opportunity for a fresh chance at everything.....

[joybean72]

So should I try & convince the other woman to give me back my serial cheating, pathological lying sack of S%#t husband in hopes that we will be happy in 5 years then? Nah...she can have him!

[serial muse]

This is not a new study...it's part of a book that incorporates some highly questionable methods to support their premise. The book's been around for a few years; there are plenty of reviews out there that explain why you should reconsider their statistics.

 

I'm not arguing for or against divorce...but I don't think this is a helpful way to look at the issue. Don't stay in a bad/destructive marriage just because. Many times it is better to leave.

[quankanne]

with some obvious exceptions, like that posted above about cheating spouses ... as well as abusive spouses and other truly serious problems, I'd have to agree with the premise that divorce ≠ instant happiness, because a lot of the time it's that unhappy person who is the problem, not really the situation.

 

fix what's wrong with you first, before looking to such drastic alternatives to what is an otherwise good/peaceful relationship. Because otherwise, ain't NOTHIN' gonna make you happy!

[Scottdmw]

This is not a new study...it's part of a book that incorporates some highly questionable methods to support their premise. The book's been around for a few years; there are plenty of reviews out there that explain why you should reconsider their statistics.

 

I'm not arguing for or against divorce...but I don't think this is a helpful way to look at the issue. Don't stay in a bad/destructive marriage just because. Many times it is better to leave.

 

 

Can you give any specifics? The only countering arguments I could find was a book that seemed to have its own specific agenda and was short on actual data.

[angie2443]

with some obvious exceptions, like that posted above about cheating spouses ... as well as abusive spouses and other truly serious problems, I'd have to agree with the premise that divorce ≠ instant happiness, because a lot of the time it's that unhappy person who is the problem, not really the situation.

 

fix what's wrong with you first, before looking to such drastic alternatives to what is an otherwise good/peaceful relationship. Because otherwise, ain't NOTHIN' gonna make you happy!

 

This is what I was thinking. Yes, sometimes people marry the wrong person and are much better off divorcing them. More often then not, though, when people hit the bumpy spots in a marriage/long term relationship (and this happens in almost all long term relationships) they assume the marriage is bad and don't realize they are part of the problem. They assume the problem will go away if they leave the relationship but the problem just follows them into the next relationship.

[grogster]

The study does not reflect my personal experience. Four years post-divorce, I'm still substantially happier.

 

Marriage is good for some, and not so good for others. The trick is finding out to which tribe you belong.

[angie2443]

Can you give any specifics? The only countering arguments I could find was a book that seemed to have its own specific agenda and was short on actual data.

 

I can't answer for Serial muse, but I'll give my opinion.

 

I once read an article about couples that were happily married for a very long time and they agreed that the three deal breakers in a relationship are cheating, drug abuse, or physical/mental abuse. I agree with this and would say that a person leaving under these circumstances would be happier than if they stayed married.

[Trialbyfire]

Nothing and no one can make anyone happy. If you're determined to work on your marriage and have some modicum of success, you're going to be happier than when things were hellish. Some don't want to work on their marriage for whatever reason, so they exit and are happier for it, case in point, myself. Some will never be happy in or out of a marriage!

[OpenBook]

I can tell you this, it increased my happiness!!

 

Turned my life of desperation and endless misery into pure happiness and an opportunity for a fresh chance at everything.....

 

:lmao: I'm with you, Brooklyn!

 

But seriously folks - the Institute has their own specific agenda, they are NOT unbiased: (this quote from the website that the OP linked to)

 

"The Institute for American Values, founded in 1987, is a private, nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that contributes intellectually to strengthening families and civil society in the U.S. and the world."

 

So sorry, but I'm not inclined to put a lot of weight on the results of their "research." And come to think of it, since I'm not married, does that exclude me from civil society? Am I some skulking animal living on the fringes or something?? C'mON.

[Scottdmw]

:lmao: I'm with you, Brooklyn!

 

But seriously folks - the Institute has their own specific agenda, they are NOT unbiased: (this quote from the website that the OP linked to)

 

"The Institute for American Values, founded in 1987, is a private, nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that contributes intellectually to strengthening families and civil society in the U.S. and the world."

 

So sorry, but I'm not inclined to put a lot of weight on the results of their "research." And come to think of it, since I'm not married, does that exclude me from civil society? Am I some skulking animal living on the fringes or something?? C'mON.

 

Everybody has their bias, and some people don't agree with you, but that doesn't mean anything they say is automatically wrong. Maybe you have a study of your own that provides some evidence? Something that would demonstrate the opposite of what this one does?

[D-Jam]

Here's how I look at it from my never married outside observer standpoint:

 

1) If you're in a marriage where you see it's gone bad, the love and romance is gone, money problems, arguments, etc...and especially if it's your mate who is a terrible person now (and refuses to change)...then divorce. You gave it ever chance you could to fix and it won't. It's probably gone beyond anything you could do, so end it.

 

2) If you're bored, or in some small bump in the road, or see some person on the street who's totally hot in your eyes, or worry that you may have rushed things...then stick it out. If your mate is wonderful to you, but you're refusing to let a spark happen again due to insecurity or even commitment-phobia, seek help before you say "it's over".

 

This in my opinion is what the article gets at. Those who get bored and think that if everything is great, then something must be wrong. Those who think if there's no drama, sparks, fireworks, etc at all times...then it's failed. They divorce and then realize it didn't make them happier in life...but maybe worse because they wake up one morning and realize they tossed away a good thing.

 

I think too many MEN AND WOMEN are more obsessed with having a RL for the sake of "having someone". They think about having a sexual partner, cuddle buddy, date to every couples affair, etc. The idea of someone on their arm WITHOUT thinking deeply about the actual person...other than looks and a fantasy personality.

 

It's the same with marriage. I think too many get married too quick, because they're more obsessed with having the ring, dress, and ceremony...or even worry that they will lose their mate if they don't marry him/her now. They wake up later realizing they did it too soon and were not ready...or even find out the person they married isn't the person they pictured in their mind when they met someone...meaning he/she now is showing EVERYTHING about themselves, as opposed to their "dating personality".

 

I never understood those who think I'm insane because I'd rather date someone 2-3 years before getting engaged. How anyone can think they can marry someone after 6-9 months of dating. Look at the divorce statistics and ask me if I'm still out of my mind for giving things a good amount of time.

 

I say it to death...people need to first figure out what will make them happy WITHIN THEMSELVES. On their own...no one else. Self-fulfillment. From there, they can find someone, fall in love, marry, etc...treat it all as an added bonus to life, not their entire life.

 

We would probably see less divorce if people took their time and learned to make themselves happy on the inside by themselves.

[OpenBook]

Everybody has their bias, and some people don't agree with you, but that doesn't mean anything they say is automatically wrong. Maybe you have a study of your own that provides some evidence? Something that would demonstrate the opposite of what this one does?

 

Hey man, I'm not the one trying to convince everyone to stay married by putting clearly biased "evidence" out there. I personally don't know whether we're evolving or devolving here, and haven't yet seen a study that's convinced me either way. I just know I've seen more cruelty inside marriages than outside of them.