hotlava Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Ok TMI Warning: this is the scenario I am pregnant with a married mans baby I love him and he loves me. He has been married a long time and I know will never leave his wife; I have decided to move on He wants to be involved in aspects of my life which I feel he is not entitled to like money/the kid etc: What is the best course of action??
2sure Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 There are several OW on here who have had MM baby. As well as several BS who are dealing with it. This is a good place for you to be. What matters now, of course, is the baby. Don't make rash decisions. Child support is his obligation to pay and your obligation to receive because it isnt for YOU. Its for the baby. Paternity should be established. What if something happens to you? The baby has every right to know who the father is, no matter the circumstances. If not now, then when they are an adult. Establish paternity and your child's rights. While uncomfortable and difficult for all parties, the only consideration is the baby. The wife will have to learn to deal with this fact, whether or not the baby is their lives. You will have to deal with the fact that he has not made you a priority. But your baby has the right to have a clear path to the father, should one ever be required.
wildsoul Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Next action should be speaking with a family law attorney so you know what is in the best interest of your child (in the short and long term.) Then make your decisions about what to do with him based on that.
jwi71 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Ok TMI Warning: this is the scenario I am pregnant with a married mans baby I love him and he loves me. He has been married a long time and I know will never leave his wife; I have decided to move on He wants to be involved in aspects of my life which I feel he is not entitled to like money/the kid etc: What is the best course of action?? You are entitled to child support. Period. You may have to prove paternity but once established it is the law. I don't care what he says - you will get it...in my state it is 15% of net assets per month. Two. You cannot under any circumstance deny him access to his child because you don't think he should see his son. HE has a right to see his son. The law will side with him - get used to it. And do not even think of running and hiding from him - that's called parental kidnapping and its a felony if you cross state lines. You risk jail and loss of all parental rights in perpetuity. DON'T RISK IT. My advice: Hire a family law attorney and file for child support. Also file a parenting plan which delineates his visitation and the times he has custody of his child. The only one who loses when parents "war" over a child is the child. Put your child first - above your petty wants and needs.
DealingWDrama Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 How far along are you? and Does his wife know? Sometimes when the OW gets pregnant, the H realizes what he has risked and chooses to stay with his W - it is up to her if she wants to forgive him and stay in the marriage. If that is the case, prepare yourself because there will be no further contact at all from him - but expect a phone call or text or something from his wife questioning every aspect of your affair with her husband. (IMHO she deserves to have all of her questions answered so that she can make a complete and honest decision as to whether or not she wants to continue to be married to him.) If that is not the case and she doesn't know...she really needs to know. As far as legal issues are concerned - you have two options...one take the legal route and ask for a paternity test at birth, then file for legal child support; however, prepare yourself again - child support means visitation unless you can legally prove why he shouldn't see the kid...and if he and his wife are working things out in their marriage, that means she is now a step mom and will be helping to raise this child too. Option number 2 - if you do not want him to have anything to do with the child, leave the situation alone...do not put his name on the birth certificate and walk away a single mother...when the child is older he or she can make the decision as to whether or not he or she wants to look up 'dad'.
NoIDidn't Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Hotlava Interesting name choice. You are definitely playing with fire and with the life of another (and all that will come through that life). You are in for a lifetime of disappointments/regrets, sorry to say. I speak from experience.
joybean72 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Hi Hotlava, I agree with everyone...he is responsible to provide for that child regardless if he wants in the child's life or not, so pursue it! I am not an OW, but after 12+ years I am now going after my daughter's father for it...I wish to gawd I would have done it years ago! Take care of yourself & your baby.
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