How do you know the difference?

[EnigmasMuse]

How do you know the difference when someone might have a personality disorder VS. someone who just wants to push your buttons or do things for spite?

 

For example, you know someone who knows the right things to say or do to upset you. They aren't really supportive of you or show it much. They never say they are sorry for anything, blame is always on another and not on them. They like to drink to "escape' things they don't want to deal with. They are big into turning things around.

 

Those are a few examples. Do you think that's more of something that was learned and they choose not to do anything about it, especially if they know how they are being? Or do you feel it could actually be part of a personality disorder type of thing?

 

How would you know the difference? I'm sure a diagnoses from a doc would be the best way to tell, but are there things that you might could tell on your own?

[Lauriebell82]

That all depends. There are specific criteria to diagnose personality disorders, however some individuals who are just downright rude and manipulative.

 

The person you just describes sounds to me like they have some control issues and possibly abusive tendencies. A lot of abusive men have anti-social personality or narcissitic personality disorder. Here are a list of the criteria for diagnosis according to the DSMV for NPD:

 

NPD:

 

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
   
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
   
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
   
4. requires excessive admiration
   
5. has a sense of entitlement
   
6. is interpersonally exploitive
   
7. lacks empathy
   
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
   
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
   

and here is for Antisocial Personality Disorder:

 

 

Three or more of the following are required:

1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
   
2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
   
3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
   
4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
   
5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
   
6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
   
7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
   

If you want more info you can go to this website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder

[EnigmasMuse]

Well, its this new guy I have been seeing for months now. I'm thinking of cutting ties actually. I see to many things early on that I don't really care for. One in particular is how he blames everyone else for things and he takes no responsibility for anything. The other being him turning things around. Here is a little more on their background.

 

I do know he came from a home where things we not discussed, swept under the rug. Nothing was every properly delt with, there was mostly no communication, and blaming was big in that house hold. It seemed no one in his family, meaning his parents and both his sisters took the blame for anything at all. One sister is 47 years old, she lives on her own, but never been married and doesn't want to be married. Views most men and scum of the earth and would rather be single. She is also very self absorbed. POUTS like a child if her way is not gotten.

 

His other sister is the opposite, she loves men, more so over her own kids. Who are grown and do not live with her. His mother stayed with his father for more than 40 years even though he cheated on her over and over again and she knew of it. The guy I'm seeing is quite fond of the drink. Its how he "deals" or should I say, "not deals" with things.

 

So I guess the reason I was wondering was, since he grew up in an environment like this, is it possible the way things were he has developed some type of personality disorder becasue of how things were? Or do you feel thats not the case really, and he is just more so, a product of his upbringing. The thing is he has admitted over and over again that HE DOES know how he acts, but yet he does nothing to try to change anything. The sad things is, none of them have. This has been going on for years, so its not like they are not aware of these things.

[PandorasBox]

IMO, I don't really know that he is displaying a personality disorder, but maybe some traits for sure. I do think ones environment and upbringing has a huge impact on their adult life. They do however, have a choice to change or do something about it. You said he knows he is like this and has not done anything about it. I think either he is not ready (hard to say if he ever will be) or he simply doesn't care enough to try and change. If he is showing some things you don't care for, then you're probably right to cut ties. It sounds like alot of baggage for you to try to deal with, and it sounds like you might would stand alone in the dealings.