nickclarke1970 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Hi Ive been dating now for 5 months, a girl i met online of all things, we chatted for a very long time as friends before dating. Things have got very close, we have told each other we love each other and i do love her to bits, its a distance relationship (90 miles) so we tend to see each other fri to sunday, taking it in turns to travel and stop over. Everything is great, i love her company, time with her flies by, we talk all day every day when apart. In many ways she feels like a soulmate. But, the last few weeks, ive had to face the fact the chemistry side isnt working for me. We are intimate, but it isnt mind blowing or anything as it has been with past partners, and the attraction seems to be getting less each week. I did ask her how she felt that side of things were when we talked and she just thinks its all great ;( Im looking for both emotional closeness (which i have) and great chemistry and know i need to end this now. I know i need to finish this NOW, rather than drag it out, but:- i know she has had confidence knocks in the past (dated nasty guys) and i dont want to make that worse, i am terrified about upsetting her. Should i just tell her the truth that i love her tonnes, shes fab, gorgeous etc but the chemistry between us doesnt seem right?. It seems a very cruel thing to say, i also know that while a relationship isnt for us, id be devestated to not keep her friendship somehow. Im also painfully aware xmas is coming up and im torn between acting now, and leaving it till after xmas. Thanks.
Gremio Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I've been there before. You're going to torture yourself by dragging in out, and you'd be unfair to her. If you can say "I love you" to each other, then you should be able to communicate with no issues. Trust and communication are key in a relationship.
Author nickclarke1970 Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 I know i need to end it now mate, and i know i seem a complete ars* for ending a situation most would be pretty happy with. Mix of emotions though, i know friendship rarely comes with ex's, and the thought horrifies me, and i know that being alone xmas would be horrible for her. But, i want her to have the chance to get on with her life. And after 'giving it a few weeks to see' and trying damn hard to ignite some sparks im sure we arent going to work out physically. But, she is insecure anyway . She has a sweet and trusting nature, but low self confidence because she has been victim to online players on two occasions that i know of. Telling her the spark has gone will knock that more, id rather have a reason that didnt knock her, even if she hated me as a result, but truth is always best right?
Gremio Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 You're right. By dragging it out, both of you are miserable. You because you aren't happy as you said, and her because you're not giving her what she deserves. My last LTR seemed perfect. Beautiful girlfriend, good job, had great times together, but we lost that spark. I thought to myself that she is so perfect, how could it get any better, and so on. But deep down inside I wasn't happy and I wasn't fulfilling her needs. I realized this and ended the relationship. One of the hardest things was going NC with her. She called me everyday. Texted me all the time. I longed for her but I knew my heart wasn't going to come back for her.
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