sweetappl2 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Thank you all so much for your help... its been so helpful getting through this. See my previous post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171438/ for the story.... Well he called me tonight. I was dropping a girlfriend of mine off at her house and as soon as I left, he texted me. He asked how much I had drank on saturday night..... (i was at a party) He doesn't drink or want his gf to drink either its always been that way. Well I told him i was dropping a gf off and he's like what were you doing, who were you with? etc.... checking up on me basically. (he never did this in our relationship, just this "break"). He's like oh so you can hang out with her? And i'm like okay.... you don't ask me out. Then he asked if we talked bad about him... ugh. We talked on the phone for a good 45 mins. As soon as I answered he asked what I was doing. I'm just being calm and cool, and he keeps pointing out that I sound different. We talk about him, what's been going on. I had been upset about the way he acted a few days ago, he was saying jerky comments and it was really upsetting to me... others notice the comments too. He's always in such a bad mood at work. Well he talked to me more about whats going on with him (its hard to get him to open up) and he's so stressed that he's acting like this. He knows it but he's trying to change it but its going to take a long time. He's like all I hear is you telling me how I hurt you... and I say it cause I care but if you don't want to get hurt to move on.. I keep telling him, if you know what the problem is than just fix it! Stop acting like that! He says its cause he's stressed. So yeah the stress... in my opinion I think he's being way too hard on himself. He is stressing himself out because he can't provide for himself, and wants to be able to provide for his family.... and a future spouse and family. He thinks that nice people don't get anywhere in the world and that he needs to work hard to get ahead. He is putting so much stress on himself, that it is changing him... making him seem like a jerk when he's not. He turns into a complete jackass. Okay, I do know that wanting to provide is very admirable... i really do respect him for that. But he's only twenty.... and with this economy, how can you expect so much? He's says he's not being tough enough on himself, and i"m like are you crazy? you're acting like a completely different person because you're putting yourself through hell with stress. And there is nothin you can really do because of the way things are right now with the economy. At work... we recently had to train people to take over our jobs.. he's been so bitter about that. Me, yeah I was there longer than him and that job was my life but I got over it. Sure, I"m sad.... but I would never let it affect me like that. A lot of his comments at work are directed because of that. I just don't get him... he gets so jealous at times and checking up on me. But yet he says I'm sorry I hurt you, I care enough that I want you to find someone else who can treat you better. It hurts me more when he says that because I think if he really cares about me, than he would be fixing this problem instead of just "discarding" me. I think its killing him... because he wants to be with me so bad and misses me so much, but he won't because of this thing in his mind that he needs to figure out. WHy else would he check up on me like a bf would? I don't know what to do to help him or what to say. I tlel him you expect too much of yourself.. and he says he doesn't push himself enough. He talks about how he needs to be ready financially to have a family and spouse. So thats why he can't be in a relationship right now. I tell him money and those things don't matter to me. But there is nothing I say that can get through to him. He's being so hard on himself that he's displaying a person that he's not. Its so difficult though because he still is the person I used to date, but this situation is making life hell for him. And I don't feel it has to be..... what's a girl to do?
IrishCarBomb Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 He may be hard on himself, but jeez... he's being really hard on YOU. I realize the past was great, but you have to step back and look at the present as objectively as you can. This really doesn't seem like a good situation for you. His mistreatment of you and his harshness on himself are symptomatic of a common issue in his head: he hasn't realized that there are things in his immediate life that are beyond his control.
MN randomguy Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Interesting post. I suppose I'm quite a bit like this. Don't know what to say other than its really $hitty from the guy's prospective. Its a lot to work through. People all say, "Oh, yeah, everything will work out" I don't know. I don't like the way things work out without putting a lot of thought and effort into them.
Author sweetappl2 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Well here's an update... On top of all this, he has been really stressed out (me too) because we recently trained people who basically took over our jobs at work. And now that we've done that, plus because of the economy, we don't get scheduled much anymore. I have no hours, and he has at least one day... ugh. So I know he's furious about it... he kept talking the other day how he felt 'betrayed' and I asked him by who or whom? Cause a few days prior he had mentioned people "badmouthing" him. I really think he's just imagining it. If they are badmouthing him, its because he's been in such a bad mood lately.... because of what I described above and with the job thing. I know he's been taking it so personally, he doesn't like to be walked all over. I told him that, because i felt like he was blaming me for the badmouthing. He asked me if I was talking about what goes on between us, and that it was being used to badmouth him. I tell people nothing! So that kinda upset me! He's been REALLY distant for him. I asked him what's going on, why are you so distant? and he said he's been distant from everyone. I asked why and he brought up the betrayl thing and that he didn't want to talk about it. I asked if i was the one who betrayed him and he said no, don't pry into stuff. I have a feeling its about work, because people have told me he's been in a strange mood, won't say much, won't smile, etc.... I haven't seen him in over a week.... So what should i do, just let him be? Its been so out of character for him just to not talk to me completely. I let him know I was there for him when he needed and still haven't heard from him. Is it typical of guys to do this?
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