SadPanda Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I'm in college (sophmore). I've only had one serious relationship that lasted almost 2 years, it's been over a year since it ended. So I met this girl a few weeks ago, I took her out to dinner and lunch a few times, she even stayed over at my place when it was late after some movies (on the first date, and no, nothing happened). So, I've met a few of her best girlfriends, and then there is her guy friend... I've never dated a girl who has a really close guy friend, so I'm trying not to let it bother me and I've been shrugging it off, but it still kind of irks me every once in awhile. For example, we're sitting in a library, at a table for 4. And we're both kind of leaning towards each other doing a puzzle. [Empty] [Her Friend] ____________________ [her] [Me] Granted that the table is rather wide, so there is a decent distance between one side and the other. But her guy friend comes in, pulls up a chair from the table behind us, and just starts to scoot inbetween us... And it wasn't like I could be mistaken as just some random stranger at the library, we were both clearly engaged in something, plus the fact that they are such close friends, that he probably already knows that she's been dating someone. And that was the first time I've met him. So from what I know, they hang out all the time both with lots of friends and by themselves. He calls her "cutie" and other such things. He's helped her pick out a dress at the mall before. He isn't gay. He doesn't have a girlfriend, almost certain he hasn't been in very many relationships if any at all. (Both the girl and the guy's first year in college). And I just have the feeling, that he just might have some hidden feelings for her. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm usually all for the really nice guy-friend-that-secretly-likes-her, but not when it's happening with a girl that I like. Anyways, it just seems like he's always...there... like he does alot of the "sitting between us" kind of deal in various situations. and I have half the mind to just straight up ask him if he likes her (which really wouldn't matter anyways cause it won't stop me). So, what do you think is the deal with this guy? Is this normal best-guy-friend behavior, or do I have possible competition?
Gremio Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Depending on how comfortable you are with talking to her, ask her if she noticed him acting any dfferently since you came into the picture. Some people pick up on subtle things very easily. Another question to ask, but to yourself, is are you the jealous type? Is it possible this is all in your head and you're being a defensive, alpha male?
ramplady Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I would definitely ask her about his behavior. This sounds like some friends I had in the past. They would get jealous of a new boyfriend and resent the time I spent away from them. He could have a little flame for her but have you got to know him also? Try talking to him one on one? If he becomes your friend also it could make it harder for him to interfere once he sees you aren't "taking her away" from their friendship.
serialgf Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 i think you just need to feel it out a little more and keep your eyes open. like you said, it doesn't matter if he likes her or not so definitely don't ask him that - it will only make things awkward if you do proceed with her... .... i'm in my late 20's so a bit older than you but i've always had a guy best friend... i have one now and i also have a new boyfriend. my best friend and i are super tight - and sometimes we won't even notice it but we will get a little "touchy feely" like i'll rub his shoulders or he'll put his arm around me or we'll even hold hands because we love each other, but it's truly a platonic love. we've been on week-long camping trips together, slept next to each other night after night, and never even kissed. now that i have a boyfriend, i am very careful to behave appropriately around my best friend, but sometimes we just slip because that's just how we are. i guess i'm saying that something similar could be the case with your lady. i think the important part is that as your relationship grows she show you the respect that a boyfriend deserves and that she's open with you. like my bf knows everything i do with my best friend, and i wouldn't do anything with my best friend where my bf couldn't join in or know all the details... in the meantime, just hang in there and don't act jealous - it doesn't help either way good luck!
Zagggon Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 yup guy friend has to go, that was a direct attack when he scooted in between YOU and HER, anyone saying anything otherwise is smoking something really good
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