HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 So yeah, I was at work today and one of my co-workers came up to me and said something about seeing my ex with some guy. We broke up about 4 months ago now, and she pretty much left me for some old guy who would come in and work her at the bar she works at. I found out she was started seeing him the week after we split up. So my co-worker of course had to mention seeing her (thanks buddy), but said she was with some young guy, which didn't sound right. Anyways, dammit, I know her email and password and haven't checked it since we split up, but it was kind of killing me, so in a moment of weakness, I checked it and it still worked. It confirmed that she was seeing this old dude, but I also found out about some guy she must have did during one w-end, and he was sending her emails of how he wanted to be together with her. Then next, I find one about some other guy now that must be another contender, and she's probably messing around with him too. Wow... I feel guilty for looking and I know it's wrong and I deserve to feel like ****, but I had to know because she was trying to get a hold of me several times in the last few months and I wouldn't respond (NC). I felt I had to know where her mindset was. I guess though, she has probably cheated on her "old sugar daddy dude" with at least these two guys. It makes me feel bad and that our relationship wasn't to meaningful to her, but I don't know. I pretty much figured the rebound thing (old guy) wouldn't last long, because my ex is serious trouble and is the most needy person I've ever met, so I guess I get some satisfaction about her messing around with other guys on him, like she probably did with me. Just feeling like crap and feeling like I broke NC, which in a way I did. Someone give me a cyber-kick to the head.
amaysngrace Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Luckily she doesn't know you broke NC. I think if you're going to break NC that is the way to do it, right? It'd be a lot worse if you got busted.
MichiganMan222 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 You got a lot of stones, friend. If I knew my ex's password, I wouldn't go near that with a 10 foot Ethernet cable. Man, if you can get through that relatively unscathed, you must be pretty far along. I think I am doing well, but no way in hell I could handle that.
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 Yeah, you guys are right and I know I shouldn't have done that. My curiousity was just eating me up. I guess curiousity killed the cat. She has a 10 yr old daughter that felt like she was mine, and I worry about her and the influence that all of this is going to have on her. Maybe that's why I justified it? We were together for 4 years and she gave me her account stuff when we were dating, and I never checked it until today. I don't know why I got so week today. I guess her texting me and hearing about my buddy seeing her got the best of me. I have told these people I don't want to hear about them running into her unless it's with their car. Needless to say I don't think I should be doing it again. I wouldn't get caught doing it, but I just can't for my own sanity, just knowing how I feel right now. She was lying to me before about the old guy, and I felt I had to see what else she's been lying about. I guess now she's lying to the old guy. Kinda fuels my case of the "holiday blues" though. I haven't talked to her in basically 4 months, although she's tried to contact me 10 times in one way or another (text, email, phone)... Wow... I guess I'm still hooked, or at least concerned... Stupid and I'm mad at myself, and dissapointed in her.
Crazy.S Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Do yourself a favor and just forget about her. Don't care about her. Or think about her. If it helps, learn to hate her. I know what I am saying is nearly impossible to do, but at least if you try, you won't hurt so much.
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 Do yourself a favor and just forget about her. Don't care about her. Or think about her. If it helps, learn to hate her. I know what I am saying is nearly impossible to do, but at least if you try, you won't hurt so much. I know what you are saying and you are likely right. I'm not really a hateful person and that part is hard. I knew what she was like before I started dating her and was warned that she shouldn't be trusted. This turned out to be true. Damn though, the worst people can be so nice at times. They can manipulate the hell out of you. Thanks everyone for the replies. I just need to vent and this helps. Keep em comin if you can. Best wishes
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 Dang all. Had a rough night last night. Didn't get to sleep until 5, then up at 7 and had to drive 650 miles. Feel pretty bad about what I discovered. This sucks. Help?
Surfer Dude Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Hey bro, don't beat yourself up for what you did. You're human, you learn through trial and error, this is just a lesson in learning how to cope with breakup. We all broke NC at some point and then regretted it. Right now you're experiencing a setback and you have realized how painful it is. Next time you will consciously avoid any pain by avoiding contact. Just like when a child learns that fire is dangerous, he won't put his arm there next time. You're not alone, trust me. We're all going through this. Our exs make these stupid choices of dumping us and cheating on us for some reason and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. Let's face it, what could you do except accepting it? Nothing really, begging her isn't an option, trying to have revenge would only backfire and make you feel even worse. I know how empty my words sound and I know that they can't sooth your pain, but just remember that you will feel joy again, this isn't the end of your life. Accept the reality, forgive your ex inside your heart but don't break NC next time, it would be detrimental to your healing. Good luck bro, we'll be here when you need help!
Crazy.S Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Look at the bright side. At least now you won't try that again. Yes you have set yourself back, but you also make yourself stronger.
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Hey bro, don't beat yourself up for what you did. You're human, you learn through trial and error, this is just a lesson in learning how to cope with breakup. We all broke NC at some point and then regretted it. Right now you're experiencing a setback and you have realized how painful it is. Next time you will consciously avoid any pain by avoiding contact. Just like when a child learns that fire is dangerous, he won't put his arm there next time. You're not alone, trust me. We're all going through this. Our exs make these stupid choices of dumping us and cheating on us for some reason and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it. Let's face it, what could you do except accepting it? Nothing really, begging her isn't an option, trying to have revenge would only backfire and make you feel even worse. I know how empty my words sound and I know that they can't sooth your pain, but just remember that you will feel joy again, this isn't the end of your life. Accept the reality, forgive your ex inside your heart but don't break NC next time, it would be detrimental to your healing. Good luck bro, we'll be here when you need help! Thanks friend. You are right about everything and she sure isn't worth it. I know how she is addicted to the "honeymoon" period and that's basically what I saw. It's crazy though how it's like a drug, and it keeps drawing you in. ****, I feel like I'm on meth or something.
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Look at the bright side. At least now you won't try that again. Yes you have set yourself back, but you also make yourself stronger. Thanks for responding Crazy. I hope you're right about the stronger thing. Right now it feels exactly opposite, but I still think I had to do it. No I probably didn't. Yarghh...
Ruby Slippers Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Wow. Well, aren't you glad you're not with her anymore?
kizik Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 You shouldn't ever hack into someone's sh*t like that. All it did was backfire. I am very sorry for the new "things" you learned, but you asked for a cyberkick to the head and here it is: You're in this pain because, like you said, it's your own fault. So let it be a lesson to you to stop worrying about what she does. It's not your business. Focus on being happy, instead of her happiness.
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Wow. Well, aren't you glad you're not with her anymore? I hear you Ruby. Funny how people get wrapped up into a relationship, even a bad one, and put the blinders on. You think a piece of something is better than nothing. Can't believe I let myself be a doormat for this sheit. Man, does this happen to everyone?
Sysyphus28 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 So yeah, I was at work today and one of my co-workers came up to me and said something about seeing my ex with some guy. We broke up about 4 months ago now, and she pretty much left me for some old guy who would come in and work her at the bar she works at. I found out she was started seeing him the week after we split up. So my co-worker of course had to mention seeing her (thanks buddy), but said she was with some young guy, which didn't sound right. Anyways, dammit, I know her email and password and haven't checked it since we split up, but it was kind of killing me, so in a moment of weakness, I checked it and it still worked. It confirmed that she was seeing this old dude, but I also found out about some guy she must have did during one w-end, and he was sending her emails of how he wanted to be together with her. Then next, I find one about some other guy now that must be another contender, and she's probably messing around with him too. Wow... I feel guilty for looking and I know it's wrong and I deserve to feel like ****, but I had to know because she was trying to get a hold of me several times in the last few months and I wouldn't respond (NC). I felt I had to know where her mindset was. I guess though, she has probably cheated on her "old sugar daddy dude" with at least these two guys. It makes me feel bad and that our relationship wasn't to meaningful to her, but I don't know. I pretty much figured the rebound thing (old guy) wouldn't last long, because my ex is serious trouble and is the most needy person I've ever met, so I guess I get some satisfaction about her messing around with other guys on him, like she probably did with me. Just feeling like crap and feeling like I broke NC, which in a way I did. Someone give me a cyber-kick to the head. Sounds like she is sewing some wild oats. Good thing you guys broke up before she started going buck nutty all over town. DUDE, you don't need to be "coping" with this. Just smile and say good riddance. You had your time with her, now let these other guys deal with this heartbreaker! Your free to date another woman who will just be into you and not some creepy old guy. awesome. You should feel good this thing is over. WHo cares if you break NC, it's over forever. Even if she sleeps with again out of pity,she still will have dudes on the side. Also. Man-up, tell her you checked her email or ask her to change it. You don't need to be in her business like that. It is disrespectful and it will only prolong you hanging on to this girl. She didn't sign up to be stalked, and she doesn't really deserve that form you. Who cares what she is doing , it has been four months. It is over man.
Author HighPlainsDrifter Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 Sounds like she is sewing some wild oats. Good thing you guys broke up before she started going buck nutty all over town. DUDE, you don't need to be "coping" with this. Just smile and say good riddance. You had your time with her, now let these other guys deal with this heartbreaker! Your free to date another woman who will just be into you and not some creepy old guy. awesome. You should feel good this thing is over. WHo cares if you break NC, it's over forever. Even if she sleeps with again out of pity,she still will have dudes on the side. Also. Man-up, tell her you checked her email or ask her to change it. You don't need to be in her business like that. It is disrespectful and it will only prolong you hanging on to this girl. She didn't sign up to be stalked, and she doesn't really deserve that form you. Who cares what she is doing , it has been four months. It is over man. You make some valid points Sys. I haven't been stalking her even though I did I guess in this instance. She's the one thats been trying to contact me during the last four months and I've cut the lines of communication. I guess I checked because I think she did something similar when we first started dating, and she came crawling back. I venture to guess that she'll try doing this again in the future and I wanted to be sure I know what really goes on when we were apart and won't believe her again. Now I know and have verified that that is the person she is. I won't tell her about it because I haven't talked to her since we split and sure won't start now. Thanks for your input and I know you have gone through something similar.
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