Has he learned his lesson..

[ashleigh422]

Okay here goes.. I left my bf due to his abusive ways. (physical and emotional).. thanks to the advice I got on here (I'm forever grateful)

 

I left him and moved on.. didn't look back.. We have a child together so there is no possible way to go NC.. I've talked to other guys, been out on a date, and no longer feel lost and like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life.. however...

 

The ex has pretty much called me crying everyday since we broke it off.. (just over a month ago). He tells me that he has learned his lesson.. he is a POS for the way he treated me.. he wants to put a ring on my finger (he never wanted to before) and make it up to me forever. He told me he would go to counseling alone or with me and will do anything to make this work.

 

WHAT SHOULD I DO??

 

Should I give him another chance? I have tried to break up with him for almost 2 years and was always scared and didn't stick with it.. this is THE LONGEST TIME I have been strong and kept to my words.

[dead-dyke]

He may have learned what not to do............... for the very short term. 1 month is not even the tip of the iceberg. If he is to really learn anything... especially to reform his way towards YOU, let him stew. For a very long time. Don't even let him think you're considering taking him back. Once he realizes what is lost, if he cares, he will change in earnest. Then you two can make the educated decision.

[EmperorR]

I'm sorry he physically abused you? and it's only been a month, I would make him go to counseling therapy, anger management seek help etc.

 

I'm sorry people say anything how they changed once the person finally goes, then they act sweet and nice for a little bit before their old self return.

[troubadour]

ashleigh422.... I don't know your bf but I can tell you he hasn't changed

[daithi]

Dont go back to a man who hit you, that simple. Hit you once same on him, hit you twice shame on you!

[Lishy]

No, no and NO! No way has he changed

 

Go to Dr Irenes Verbal abuse site and just read babe

 

Just go and read Welcome to Dr Irene's Verbal Abuse (Site)! this

 

He will never change honey, I know it is not what you want to hear but just keep on moving on and dont look back!

[Artu]

He 'learned his lesson' so fast?He changed his mind so fast?

 

and for how much time he was abusing you physically and emotionally?

Is he really ready to change ???

 

 

I doubt,but I do not want to tell you that he is so hopeless...

as the fact that you are asking this question means that you Really do not know what to do as you have still feelings for him..

 

The only thing I offer ,suggest and really wish you do is to test him WITHOUT ANY RING ON YOUR FINGER yet .

You will see how 'much' he had changed and is eager to change in real.

After that you may marry him if he really is better.

[Lishy]

Take it from someone who knows, his words are text book when you leave an abuser and I know I do not know him but why give him a chance to beat you mentally and pysically again? Why put yourself and your child through that?

[orangesean]

Well, er... okay, I think there are two types of physically abusive and verbally abusive men, ones that have the ability to change through hard work, discipline, heavy counseling, and practice and ones that pretend they have the ability to change but will keep doing what they will.

 

It's a dangerous chance to take, and no matter which type of guy this is (I think the latter), there is NO POSSIBLE WAY he has changed in one whole month. That is ridiculous. If you are hard wired for anger, then it's not a switch you simply turn off. Ask anyone who deals with anger. It's not really just a choice you make whether you are going to act horrible or not, although it is a choice to change your way of life so that you don't even let yourself get close to acting horrible.

 

I know this stuff because I have been physically and verbally abusive to my girlfriend in the past, and I'm always going to be sorry, and I'm always going to feel regret. Part of having anger issues is filling your life with regret. And it takes a lot of inner searching to feel like the regret is not worth it. I completely understand all of the women here who say they feel like men who are abusive can't change, and it makes me feel really sad, like maybe I'll slip up again or I'll never be a good person. I've been sort of a problem child with anger issues my whole life and it was all I knew, so when I find the love of my life and things get heated in fights I couldn't control myself.

 

This sounds bad, and really no one would ever know me to be anything but gentle in day to day life, but I guess I have a dark side. My girlfriend did break up with me almost a year ago, and I went complete no contact and vowed to change whether she came back or not. She did though, and with scars from me, but this was over a course of five months, with me going to therapy almost every week, reading books on controlling anger, and figuring out how to learn exactly why I get angry, what's causing it, how to nip it in the bud, and how much better I will feel after over any kind of instant gratification anger gives.

 

It's still tough, but there is major change in me, but it's a lot to learn, and tons of practice, there is no way to just change your whole life in a month. Anyone with anger issues knows it's a whole life of practice that can't be done on your own.

 

And as a general rule, I'd tell any woman to avoid a man who is abusive and never take them back, just to be safe. That's hypocritical of me, but changing is rare, in my opinion.

 

There's a great book called Angerbusters 101 where half to book is devoted to women who are in/or have been in an abusive relationship. There is a good 30 pages written about how you can tell whether your man can seriously change or not, and whether it is even possible from the beginning or worth trying.