Why do texts get a bad rap?

[berrieh]

I've read quite a few posts on here that people find texts to be sort of beneath phone calls, in terms of communication, especially when it comes to dating/being courted.

 

The guy I'm dating currently and I text all the time. (Of course, we're both quick-responders...usually getting back to each other within 10-15 minutes except at work, etc, so we have text convos, too.) I find it flattering that he'll text to ask how my day is or tell me how his went, just to keep up with me when we aren't spending time together.

 

I also think it's considerate because it allows me to conserve my time and respond when I have spare moments. As a busy person, texting is a lifesaver to me, and it makes dating possible. In fact, I often tell boys I'd rather have them text than call. I've met some men who ignore this request. I've even had a couple get offended! I know girls who feel the same way when guys communicate with them mostly through text. Always baffles me.

 

So, how do you feel about texting with someone you date? Is there a time when you feel it's too early and complicates communication? Are you offended when someone asks you out in a text, rather than calling? Do you consider text-conversations as solid communication or far below falling on the phone?

 

And if it bothers you, why does it bother you (some reasons)? I'm interested in hearing!

[norajane]

I hate texting with the fire of a thousand suns.

 

In my view, it should only be used for very quick, post-it note kind of things (pick up milk while you're at the store, i'll be 10 minutes late, movie starts at 9pm).

 

It should not, however, be used to ask people out on dates or to break up. That's a cowardly way to communicate.

 

It should not be used to communicate complicated thoughts or concepts - pick up the phone if you want to talk!

 

Having a fight over text is cowardly, AND prone to miscommunication.

 

For two people who LIKE to text, flirting over text or chatting throughout the day, is fine.

[Gremio]

I do enjoy texting and do have conversations using it, but at the same token, the more time spent apart, the more you will long for the other person. It's good to take some time away during the day to have a little more excitement when seeing them later.

[ThisGuy85]

My main problem with texting isn't really that It's beneath a phone call, But that often times used in place of a phone call. Like when someone wants to carry out a full on convo through text.

 

As far as texting in relationships go, As long as It's just a "Love ya babe" or "Miss ya" kind of thing it's fine. But never to be used for asking out/ breaking up, Too impersonal! IMHO

[amaysngrace]

I don't like text because it's like a one-sided conversation.

 

I like to be given full attention and give my full attention when I have a conversation with my BF.

 

I also love to hear his voice.

[berrieh]

It should not, however, be used to ask people out on dates or to break up. That's a cowardly way to communicate.

 

I 100% agree about not breaking up via text. That seems wrong to me. But I don't think one should break up over the phone either. I truly think the only appropriate way to break up - when in an actual relationship - is in person. Period.

 

I've been asked out via text, but only when the interest was already expressed in person. I preferred it to when men call to ask me out, because when men call, they hem and haw and beat around the bush, rather than getting straight to the point.

 

But it's interesting for me to hear the responses of others. Perhaps some women (and men) like the 'build up' and are flattered by it, whereas I find it lacking in efficiency. Then again, I guess efficiency isn't terribly romantic to most.

 

It should not be used to communicate complicated thoughts or concepts - pick up the phone if you want to talk!

 

Heh! Mostly, I only talk in person about "touchy" subjects...though I've had intellectually complicated conversations via text. I express myself better in writing, so it actually helps me formulate responses. But I'm weird!

 

What do you consider a complicated thought or concept? Do you consider phone conversations adequate to discuss them?

 

Having a fight over text is cowardly, AND prone to miscommunication.

 

Okay, I do agree that text-fighting sucks. If an issue arises where I feel it's like 'fighting' - I do suggest meeting or talking on the phone.

 

Then again, if I'm just dating someone (not in a relationship) and we're having an actual fight, I'm probably done. Because I think that's way too early to be fighting.

[berrieh]

My main problem with texting isn't really that It's beneath a phone call, But that often times used in place of a phone call. Like when someone wants to carry out a full on convo through text.

 

That thought is precisely what I mean by 'beneath' a phone call. I think it's a good substitute, but many people think exactly as you said - that it doesn't feel like a suitable replacement for a call and you'd rather a phone call.

 

As far as texting in relationships go, As long as It's just a "Love ya babe" or "Miss ya" kind of thing it's fine. But never to be used for asking out/ breaking up, Too impersonal! IMHO

 

I don't mean in relationships, just to clarify (most people in full-blown relationships are fairly avid texters, at least in my age group: twenties). I mean in dating.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yeah, I am not a fan of texts for anything beyond very simple messages. I don't like cell phones and I ONLY have one because I run my own business and need it for when I'm out and about. Sweet or sexy texts are nice in addition to phone calls, but not a substitute. For me, it just represents the modern emphasis on bite-size brevity, which I try to avoid.

[shylight200]

I really like texting. I think it's sweet when the guy I'm dating texts in the middle of the day just to say hi, or good morning or something. I think it's a really cute, convenient way of communicating. But I think it's more for small talk. I wouldn't have an actual deep meaningful conversation through texting though.

[norajane]

What do you consider a complicated thought or concept? Do you consider phone conversations adequate to discuss them?

 

Anything that requires more than 2 texts to communicate is too much for text - even something like figuring out where to go for dinner. You can get it done in a quick phone conversation instead of endlessly going back and forth. Phone is fine for a lot of things, unless it's a serious relationship issue.

 

My rule is - if you can fit it on 1 post-it note, you can text. Otherwise, call.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I feel like texts are non-commital. You don't have to really talk to someone, and develop a communication style. Also, I feel like when someone calls then they are really interested in taking the time to talk to me. If they text, they could be sitting in a bar with 5 friends at the same time.

 

It's good for making arrangements, and it's fun to do a little flirting throughout the day, but it should not replace the phone.

 

I dated a guy a couple of years ago who would almost exclusively text. It was at the point where I felt uncomfortable picking up the phone to call him. Sort of a metaphor for the relationship.

[fral945]

Texting annoys me. If you text me instead of call me I immediately consider it to be about something unimportant. If you need to talk to me or tell me something important call me or come see me. The busy excuse is BS. I consider people who say that to be self-important with inflated egos who think their time is like gold. Really, is your day so busy you can't stop to pick up the phone and make a 30 second phone call? I really find that hard to believe. You obviously must struggle to find time to go the bathroom or make a cup of coffee during the day.

 

I had a girl do this one time. Starting asking me all kinds of questions through text. I told her if she wanted to talk call me, I don't play text tag. That's my general response to serial texters.

 

However, I admit that since 99.9% of women my age (28) and under use it, I've slowly accepted that I have to use it to some extent. I just try to limit that extent and always emphasize that important things should be discussed in person or over the phone.

[berrieh]

I feel like texts are non-commital. You don't have to really talk to someone, and develop a communication style. Also, I feel like when someone calls then they are really interested in taking the time to talk to me. If they text, they could be sitting in a bar with 5 friends at the same time.

 

It's good for making arrangements, and it's fun to do a little flirting throughout the day, but it should not replace the phone.

 

I dated a guy a couple of years ago who would almost exclusively text. It was at the point where I felt uncomfortable picking up the phone to call him. Sort of a metaphor for the relationship.

 

Yeah, I hear you. The ability to be doing something else at the same time is precisely why I like texting (I'm the queen of multitasking). It allows me to communicate with someone with much more frequency than I could otherwise. I just don't have time for very many phone calls with work, grad school, and the volunteer hours I put in. I hate people who talk on cell phones in public, so I refuse to do that except for short calls to give directions, handle emergencies, etc. And anytime I'm at home, it's probably the middle of the night. And I hate, hate, hate leaving voicemails and also listening to them.

 

I've had some guys complain about the same thing, though, saying they wanted to talk on the phone because they wanted my full attention. I figure it's enough to give someone your full attention when you actually see them. And the less time I waste on the phone, the more time I have to see them. Both phone and face time go into my "social time" whereas texting doesn't, really, because it doesn't interrupt other things.

 

Now, I never text on a date or when spending one-on-one time with someone (I feel it's as rude as chatting on the phone during) but it's nice to be able to text while in the library, studying, at one of my volunteer jobs in downtime, or at work in downtime... I'm in the library in a lot of my free time (where I am now!) so I can't exactly be talking on the phone. But I like to talk to people.

 

It's funny that you felt uncomfortable not being able to call that guy. I have dated a few guys who made me feel uncomfortable about the way I like to communicate - texting - so I understand. Perhaps the most important thing is for two people to be compatible in their communication choices, whatever they are!

[sid3]

Maybe the biggest problem with texting is not knowing if or when your text was received. I sent a text to a girl I am going on a date with shortly. Anyhow I sent her the text on thursday, she didn't receive it until Sunday afternoon. For three days I was wondering why I hadn't heard back from her. Not fun, to avoid having to go through that again, I've decided to stick with picking up the phone.

 

I agree texts are good for short messages, and letting your sweetie know your thinking about them. The phone is always the prefered method for everything else, unless of course it's a situation that requires in person.

[Isolde]

It's just some people aren't phone people. I wouldn't be offended if a guy preferred to text most of the time as long as we spoke on the phone sometimes. Also its just way easier to text from school/work than call.

[Adamagnet]

Maybe the biggest problem with texting is not knowing if or when your text was received.

 

The only people who don't know they have a text msg within a few hours are old or incapacitated.

[movingonandon]

Whenever in doubt, ask yourself: "What would Humphrey Bogart do?"

 

(Obviously, the verdict is going to be no texting under any circumstances (unless it is i'm 10 mins late, as somebody said). )

 

I'm 100% old school on that. In fact, my phone is so basic and barebones (on purpose) that it can barely do anything but make calls. It's either phone or nothing . Obviously texting works just fine works for some, but if a girl prefers to comunicate with me primarily by text (or even email) I can see how our time communicating will be exceedingly short:love:

[Gremio]

The only people who don't know they have a text msg within a few hours are old or incapacitated.

 

I have been told on occasion that I was sent a text that I never received, or I received it hours later after already talking with the person on the phone.

[Kamille]

I've had some guys complain about the same thing, though, saying they wanted to talk on the phone because they wanted my full attention. I figure it's enough to give someone your full attention when you actually see them. And the less time I waste on the phone, the more time I have to see them. Both phone and face time go into my "social time" whereas texting doesn't, really, because it doesn't interrupt other things.

 

 

You're obviously a lot more skilled at texting then I am. Texting, in my case, does interrupt other things. In fact, I don't fully understand how anyone can assert texting doesn't take up any of their time, unless they're texting while attending lectures, or during a movie or some other form of very passive activity. It is more discreet, perhaps more to the point, but it does take time.

 

I've had debates about texting/ calling with guys who wondered how to ask a girl out on LS in the past. If you've never been out with the person, I'm a fan of calling because 1) it shows you're confident enough to call 2) it curtails any ambiguity (did she get the text?) and 3) It's much easier to make plans by phone.

[movingonandon]

, I'm a fan of calling because 1) it shows you're confident enough to call 2) it curtails any ambiguity (did she get the text?) and 3) It's much easier to make plans by phone.

 

In translation, calling beats texting 300 to 0 in style points

 

Or, in the immortal words of Robert Downey Jr.: "Baby, we're going out". Try delivering that via text , all bent and punching tiny keys, starring into the screen, hitting sent - it's sad to watch !

[berrieh]

You're obviously a lot more skilled at texting then I am. Texting, in my case, does interrupt other things. In fact, I don't fully understand how anyone can assert texting doesn't take up any of their time, unless they're texting while attending lectures, or during a movie or some other form of very passive activity. It is more discreet, perhaps more to the point, but it does take time.

 

I've had debates about texting/ calling with guys who wondered how to ask a girl out on LS in the past. If you've never been out with the person, I'm a fan of calling because 1) it shows you're confident enough to call 2) it curtails any ambiguity (did she get the text?) and 3) It's much easier to make plans by phone.

 

Well, it might be my ADD style. I text a lot while studying. I also post on forums a lot while studying. I can read one thing and write about another simultaneously...it's a weird skill. (I mean, I can literally be reading a book and taking notes and texting someone at the same time without stopping anything or having my reading comprehension drop.) And yeah, I text a lot while in a lecture. Or while waiting for food to come up or to be seated at my serving job. Or while grocery shopping, etc, where I feel it's extremely rude to talk on my phone and subject other people to my chattering.

 

In general, it doesn't take up time where I'd have to walk outside of wherever I am and be separated from my other goals. I can also focus a lot better on it -- I think because I'm such a visual person. I have terrible listening skills if I can't see the person (why I prefer face-to-face as my core mode of communication with texting as a supplement) but I love reading. On the phone, my mind wanders a lot, and I have to have people repeat themselves and sometimes write things down to understand them even. I know that sounds stupid, but my brain just is very visual/spatial, I think.

 

I also find it easier to make plans via text. Because I have the time to collect my thoughts, remember my other commitments, double-check things, and process information better. Ironically, I hate email (hate checking it) and IMing (hate everyone bombarding me at once). But I felt like texting was invented just for me.

 

But a lot of guys find it sketchy that I don't like to talk on the phone. I find this odd. I always thought guys hated talking on the phone! Must be a myth.

[Gremio]

But a lot of guys find it sketchy that I don't like to talk on the phone. I find this odd. I always thought guys hated talking on the phone! Must be a myth.

 

I enjoy talking on the phone. The woman I'm seeing now is somewhat like that. She texts me 10x more than she calls me, but we are also on opposite schedules. A lot of her texts are when she is at work.

[Star Gazer]

I feel like texts are non-commital. You don't have to really talk to someone, and develop a communication style. Also, I feel like when someone calls then they are really interested in taking the time to talk to me. If they text, they could be sitting in a bar with 5 friends at the same time.

 

It's good for making arrangements, and it's fun to do a little flirting throughout the day, but it should not replace the phone.

 

I dated a guy a couple of years ago who would almost exclusively text. It was at the point where I felt uncomfortable picking up the phone to call him. Sort of a metaphor for the relationship.

 

I agree with every single word, particularly the last paragraph. That's how I felt with the last (disappearing) guy. He's 99.98% texter.

[Star Gazer]

You're obviously a lot more skilled at texting then I am. Texting, in my case, does interrupt other things.

 

It does for me, as well.

 

Say I'm at work, and find myself in the midst of a text-flirtation exchange with a guy. That text exchange might consist of a total of 12 sentences, and span over the course of 3 hours depending on how quickly we're responding. But during that 3 hours, I'm anticipating his response, and mine, and basically unable to focus on anything else. I get excited!!! But if we were able to have that conversation in 5-10 minutes...?? A ton of time saved.

[prettybaby]

I think texts can be great! They're short, personal, they allow you to respond when you have time, and it's just a nice touch in addition to phone calls.

 

However, I do hate when they turn into endless text conversations and when they replace phone calls all together. So, when properly used, they are definitely a great addition!