kmeier Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Hi TW, My ex and I had been together for two-and-a-half years. About one year in, she asked me to marry her, and I agreed, and we moved in together and had been living together for a year and a half. About 5 months ago, she got a new job that required she work nights and weekends. Seeing as how I work normal business hours, we started to see less and less of each other. I could see this was taking a toll on us, but she was so involved at work that I didn't want to upset her by telling her that it was having an effect on us. Finally, about two weeks ago, she came home and as soon as she walked in, uttered those famous four words, "we need to talk." She said she needed her space and had fallen out of love with me but didnt want to rush to any decisions, so she said that she would go stay with a friend for a week, but that we were still a couple. I begged and pleaded her to stay (terrible, I know, but I hadn't read your book yet!), but to no avail. So she left, but while she was gone, she would send me text messages about how much she missed me and how she wanted to make it work. She came back four days later, but I could tell things were not right. She just wasn't the same girl I fell in love with, it was like she had built up a wall towards me. Eventually, after a few days of awkwardness, she told me that her heart just wasn't in it anymore. She said she would stay for my sake, but I knew that would get us nowhere. I begged (AGAIN) for her to just try and spend some more time with me, as I truly believe the root of the problem is that her job has made us grow apart. I know I'm not perfect, but I love her more than anything and would be willing to try anything to make it work. But she just said the love was gone and it wasn't my fault, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't bare to stay in the apartment as she moved, so I booked the next flight out of town and went to stay with my family for Thanksgiving. While I was away, we spoke sparingly, mostly about her moving out and taking care of financial things. Late one night, she called and told me how hard and heartbreaking this was for her and how she hadn't eaten in days and lost a great amount of weight. She said she didn't want me to just "disappear" from her life and that she wanted to have dinner with me sometime soon. I told her I was depressed as well and we agreed to talk when I returned from staying with my family the next day. The day I got back, I tried to talk to her, but she claimed to be tired and had nothing to say. I haven't heard from her since (this was three days ago). And that's where I am now. It's so hard for me, especially when I go home at night. I used to look forward to going home all day as I would get to see her. Now I go home to the apartment we shared just last week, only to find it half empty with her belongings gone and it's just a constant reminder that she's truly gone. My question to you is what should I do now? Should I continue to hold out hope for reconciliation? If she calls again telling me how down she is, should I be strong for her to not seem desperate, or show my true feelings? I know that she probably wants her space and me seeming desperate would just push her further away. Any help would be greatly appreciated! - Kerry
Geishawhelk Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 There's another guy. I take it you actually never married? Turf out the rest of her stuff, tell her she can pick it up from *wherever* and start to breathe, stretch and live again. She's not coming back.
BCCA Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I noticed that this was addressed to 'TW'...I'm hoping thats not meant for TW Jackson, the author of the how to get your ex back book. If so, he isnt a member and doesnt read this forums, and he makes his living off of selling people like you dreams. I bought his book, and it did nothing for me...its just not a 'one size fits all' type of thing. Sounds to me like there is another man involved. The sudden business at work having a strain on the relationship is kind of a classic sign that theres some problems. Did you ever ask her what she was doing at work so late? Its odd that she had to work nights and weekends, did she ever ask you to come see her at work or meet her for lunch? It sounds like she found someone else. Even if it didnt work out with the new guy, you dont want to be a part time gig. I lived with the girl who just dumped me, too...do yourself a favor: move or rearrange everything in that apartment. Im sorry, I know how bad this sucks.
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