selena_cat Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 hello everyone To make a story short, I have broken NC after 6 months,b/c i couldnt stop obsessintg does he miss me, maybe he's scared of contacting me. All these what ifs Turns out nothing good has come out of it,at first i sent him a short txt msg asking wishing him happy Halloween, he immediatedly responded saying that he is suprised to hear from me, he never thought he wouldhear from me again,-that itself told me he was never ver going to contact me so braking NC was stupid. my last post he was turly disprespectful and of course i didnt want to deal w/him so now thattime has past i thought i t was okay to say hi Stupid misstake, this is setting me back Al he does is send impersonal forwarding attachments, many times with no message on it,once i actually asked him look its been a while since we last talked hows it going,trying to break that impersonal contact he has been giving me. Once he said he'd like to call me,whats my number,i gave him my new cell number,that was two weeks ago,no calls just again,Impersonal attahments This is burning me up big time,thats all i am worth to him is sending dumb attachments,when there was a time when he wanted to call,he would. This was an LDR so of course we wont be meeting up for c offee' Sow hat shoud i do, Ignore his emails,if he doesnt actually say something in it or actually tell him,ok when are we going to have the conversation-a.k.a where is that call, This is making me feel beyond angry that its all i can get from him while he's probably giving his all to whomever he's with (my friends all think he's gay but i doubt that,last time he told he had a girlfriend, prbably still with her. should i say something? what can i really do, this is ticking me off. or should i just do nothing,-i feel i'm taking steps back again if anyone read my last posts. This is what happens when one breaks NC Thankyou all!
Dmoney28 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 did you want to see if he was considering maybe starting another relationship with you? After 6 months of NC, the only reason to break it is because you still have feelings for the person. Just ask him would you like to meet halfway somewhere to have dinner or hang out ( you said LDR right?). At this moment...there is no need for mind games, or tip toeing around the subject. Just be honest with him. just my 2 cents
EmperorR Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Sorry you had to go through, but for anyone thinking of breaking nc 99.9 percent of the time this will happen. Reminds me why I'll never break nc
Author selena_cat Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 hey Dmoney i came straight out and say it, that can we perhaps have an actual conversation,it is LDR,he lives in Europe so theres no way i'll be going there umless its to Italy and see the Sistien Chapel and la pieta from Michealangelo (hope i spelled it right). I shouldnt have broken NC Emporer its stupid, i'm not healed as of yet,its bothering me
Geishawhelk Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Sistine Chapel La Pietà Michelangelo. Thiught I'd help, as I'm Italian..... Other than that, everyone - including you - is spot-on. You shouldn't have broken NC, because no, you're not over it.
Author selena_cat Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Thanks geisha so what can i do now,i felt as though i reopened a scab but i did tell him hope we can actially have a conversation,anmd thats it I feel as tho i'm some dog (mabe a Siberian husky,love those) waiting for scraps, and tired of it.
BCCA Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Yeah, breaking NC usually reminds you why you started it in the first place. My rule of thumb in these situations is to never be the first one to make contact, but I guess it doesnt matter anymore. Youre not stupid at all, its quite normal to do what you did. I would guess most people, especially those who dont want to listen to advice about NC, do the exact same thing, and unfortunately, get the same kind of results. All you can do now is learn from your mistakes and move on. Dont bother with him again. I would block his emails or ask him to stop forwarding you impersonal stuff.
Jenny123 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Hi Selena cat, I do understand ur plight, my ex was a LDR. 2months we broke up, I have good days, bad days. I still wonder maybe some day he will come back- but realistically not goin 2 happen. Start afresh, clean slate, make changes in ur life. U have ur dreams, work towards them. I think though, u kept it neutral, and you left NC long enough so don't feel bad- u did good. Everybody copes in different ways, this is maybe u starting 2 close this chapter in ur life. Ur not alone
Author selena_cat Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 hey Jenny,I apreciate your positive response now i got the answer when i asked will we have an actual conversation and he replied who knows, obviously i got my answer,and i wont bother with him it hurts but i'm tired of getting crumbs also,BCCA so it a given that breaking NC will give yu this kind of result
TeaAbraham Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Mmm, yes. Right now you've got some bread. But you got greedy and wanted some cake. Then what happens is you not only get no cake but you get your bread stolen, and there you have your crumbs. There is cake to be had selena! Just not with him.
Sysyphus28 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I was the breadcrumb king. I mean, I broke NC, and I was asking, "do you miss me?"..........."Why havn't you called"... My ex sounded like the wicked witch of the east. SHe was really really mean on the phone. She was still calling me back and texting me, but it was like talking to an enemy or an unfriendly stranger or something. So I changed my plan up. I needed closure. I was tired of NC(smart way at first but it can eat you up)(It isnt for everyone). I wasn't talking to her at all and I wasn't feeling to good about it. I felt hated, I also felt alot of hate within myself. It was off and on anger, off and on longing, and it didn't feel right. I felt uneasy and the WHAT IF's were killing me. *** I spent saturday and sunday of one weekend calling her with friendly well thought out phone conversations and voicemails. I expressed that after 5-6 months I would like to to try and hang out as friends and talk. I told her I wanted to be open and honest and not guarded. I encouraged her to talk about the new person she was dating(eeek) and I in turn, talked about my dating exploits. We opened up, we caught up, we told old jokes, we talked about music, we had a good beer, we gave some things we had of eachotehr back, we made plans to hang out again(as friends), I told her "IT is OK that we are not together", "It is ok that you left me". Because it is ok. IT IS OK. She had a choice, she was not my robotic lover that HAS to love me for years and years or else. She is an individual that found a better partner that fit her personality and life better. People do that. They find people that fit them better than you. Point is: I engaged all my fears. I said F this. F longing. I am me and you are you and we WERE friends. WHY? because we like to have fun. I am a confident man and I felt like a mouse for so long. Taking power back is within you. Selena--- this guy will continue to throw you breadcrumbs cause he thinks you still want to be with him. Cut that myth down for him. I told my ex"It is ok that we are not together"..then I changed the subject and talked about music. It is so over after 6 months. SO completely over and doomed to ever be romantic again. But being friendly and acting with self-less intention causes no harm to you or the other person. If the person is that important to you try and make the REAL friend attempt. If this dude sucks at freindship he isn't worth your affection anyhow. Be honest with yourself. Get closure and stop dragging this on, thier is a man out thier who could really benefit from having a passionate woman like you.
dns502475 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I read through your post and I have to first congratulate for sticking to 6 months of No Contact. You should be pretty proud of yourself. If nothing else, you've shown yourself that you can live without this man in your life. In my experience, I've seen that people have a misconception about what "No Contact" is. NC is simply a tool. It's like a hammer, when you use it the right way, you can build a house with it. If you use it the wrong way, you can seriously hurt yourself. If someone is using NC as a way to get their ex back, or they're using it as a way of "trying to show your ex" that they don't need him or her, then that person isn't going to get anywhere. NC works only when a person has made up in their mind that it's time to get over their ex. That's why I spent time trying to figure out how a person can quickly get to that point of "WANTING" to get over the person they're stuck on.
Author selena_cat Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 hey Sys, I was laughing when you said the breadcrumb King, you are waaay to nice to yoru exs,saying that its ok that she left you,in a way it can never be ok,not after the hurt they put you thru but i understand acceptance part But in a way i broke MC thinking maybe we can talk civil to eachother,since we used to be friends First, obviously eh doesnt want that so this is why why he's throwing the breakcrumb, and o answer TeaAbraham whatever his name it,no i didnt get any bread from him,just crumbs, and i am ready to leave thos crumbs at the dooor I also appreciate your compliment dns! It was just a whim that i broke NC,i was feeling great even before hand, but when i continued talking to him,it brought me down and started feeling like,hey i dont liek this, he's still acting the same althou he seems to respond quickly to me by email I am about to graduate college, i know this is such an accomplishment that no guy is going to make me feel like a loserette just because he's not interested,but it helps talking about this in LS really thanks and keep it comming!
Author selena_cat Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 hey Sys, I was laughing when you said the breadcrumb King, you are waaay to nice to yoru exs,saying that its ok that she left you,in a way it can never be ok,not after the hurt they put you thru but i understand acceptance part But in a way i broke NC thinking maybe we can talk civil to eachother,since we used to be friends First,until hthe minute he met someone he wants to treat me like en enemy,discarded bread obviously he doesnt want to be friendly are treat me as equal that so this is why why he's throwing the breakcrumb, and o answer TeaAbraham whatever his name it,no i didnt get any bread from him,just crumbs, and i am ready to leave thos crumbs at the dooor I also appreciate your compliment dns! It was just a whim that i broke NC,i was feeling great even before hand, but when i continued talking to him,it brought me down and started feeling like,hey i dont liek this, he's still acting the same althou he seems to respond quickly to me by email I am about to graduate college, i know this is such an accomplishment that no guy is going to make me feel like a loserette just because he's not interested,but it helps talking about this in LS really thanks and keep it comming!
Author selena_cat Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 what do you mean Sys by cutting the myth down?
Jenny123 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I think -treat people the way u would like 2 be treated urself, I think everyones get's their karma. Someday in the future we will be with the right person and will understand why it didn't work out with the ex. Time is a healer, someday he will be all but a memory:)
Sysyphus28 Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 You need to decontstruct the expectation he thinks that you have. You have to make peace with the situation. The hurt you have experienced sucks, no doubt it does. Nc is so hard, especially when you are used to the love you percieved as "real". You need to realize though, his was just a perception. The truth is, this person loved you and does not feel that way anymore. People's feelings change and evolve, and believe or not, your feelings have changed too. You are still thinking about a person that doesn't even exist anymore. How wierd is that? I did the same thing for about three months, then i worked through it. I weighed the pros and cons of my X. I met up with her once and it was really lame, I tried the same thing a month later, and it was really fun. I remembered that she is a person with a CHOICE. Not MY g/f or ex g/f. I came at her without a possessive attitude. I have been dating and just playing the "field". I have enabled myself to care and to recieve affection from other people. I have opened myself up and had genuine good times. I have made new memories with new people in these 5-6 months. She has too. SO F-ing what, he doesn't want to be with you. OK. You miss the way he smells, or his voice, or laugh, or whatever. That's ok too. Miss him. revel in the love you shared, but the get the He** over it. It is so silly to think he was the one. He would have worked it out with you if he were the one for you. He would be holding on to you for dear life, not ignoring you for a half a year. Seriously Selena. A half a year. Create peace with this situation. Don't listen to any messages of hate. If you try to make peace and be cool with what has happened and he is still a total a**hole then you need to CUT YOUR LOSSES and rid your life if this person. If you can somehow get this person to have a face to face conversation and you can crack some jokes and see where you both are at you will feel awesome. You will feel awesome that you controlled yourself. Have you been dating? Go get yourself a date. It is a great cure for a bruised ego. Be well SYS
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