electriclove Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Well I have learnt the hard way everyone, how important it is to stick to NC This weekend I caved and sent a text to my ex, asking if he wanted to meet up for a drink and something to eat. It had been nearly 2 months since we broke up and and I had last seen him. But I've been really battling with myself and the urge to contact him. At the time when I msg'd him I didn't think I could feel any crappier or more down in the dumps...boy was I wrong. What was I hoping to achieve by meeting up with him? I don't really know. I partly wanted some kind of closure, to know if he was seeing someone else and to find out whether he misses me like I miss him Somewhere in my subconscious, I was also hoping he'd take one look at me, realise how much he misses me and realise what a massive mistake he had made. Surprisingly he agreed to meet me. Maybe he felt like he had to out of guilt or perhaps he was as curious to see me, as I was him. We went through all the pleasantries. He told me what he'd been up to and vice versa. It seems he's largely been keeping himself busy with work and sport. They seem to be his painkillers to any problems in life. By and large we had a nice conversation and I should just have walked away when things were good, but I didn't. I couldn't resist asking him whether he's seeing anyone else. He swears that he isn't and I guess I believe him because there would be no point lying to me anymore. Even though when we broke up it all came spilling out, about how he had a crush on someone he worked with. I asked him about her and he said they'd talked a few times but there was nothing there between them. He basically said he wasn't interested in anyone at the moment and that it was too soon to be thinking like that. I guess I got frustrated because I thought one of his main reasons for ending our relationship was to see other people. So, I couldn't resist probing him some more about the breakup. God knows why because I'd heard it all before. He's confused, doesn't know what he wants, his heart isn't in it anymore, can't stand the drama, he's happy being on his own for now...blah, blah, blah. I got very upset. Cried hysterically and pretty much made a fool out of myself. He drove me home and was annoyingly nice about me being an emotional wreck. Don't know why I got so upset. It was obviously far too soon to see him, but everything still felt so unresolved in my heart and I felt I had to see him. It hurt so much to see someone you love so much just getting on with their life seemingly without a care in the world, when you're in so much pain everyday. His life is better without me in it and that is a bitter pill to swallow. He says he is hurting inside but he says he shows it in a different way. It doesn't make it any better that he tells me he still loves me and that he would never rule it out us getting back together. He said if it was meant to be love will bring us back together. Personally, that just pisses me off. I believe it takes more than fate to bring two people together. I guess his laissez faire attitude to love grates on me. I think he's of the opinion that relationships should just be fun and magical all the time. He doesn't get that relationships don't sustain themselves and that they actually require a lot of time and effort, just like a job or a sport. From meeting up with him I've realised that I do still love him. But its over and he has managed to pick himself up, dust himself off and walk away from the car crash that was our relationship. I know that he's a very confused individual right now with regards what he wants in his life. I think he's going through some crazy phase at the moment because he's about to turn 24. He thinks that's old (what!?) and he admitted when I saw him that he was scared of the future. I think he thinks it’s now or never, to have fun on his own without being saddled down with someone. But I can't wait around for him to realise what he wants out of life. So, for those of you thinking about breaking NC - I urge you not to! I made a massive error of judgement meeting up with the ex. I've lost a lot of dignity and self respect. Feel like I'm right back to square bloody one, when the break up first happened, and feel so disappointed in myself. I truly have hit rock bottom (I hope I have anyway because I couldn't take it if it was any lower than this lol) But the only way is up now – it has to be. Just thought I’d share this with everyone at the moment, because I know there are a lot of people on here who are on the brink of caving. It’s just not worth it.
EmperorR Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Sorry you had to go through that, I remember the first time I broke nc I felt good for Little but then horrible when nothing chAnged and how she doesn't even miss me at all.
Jenny123 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Thanks electriclove for sharing your story, ur words rang very true 2 me.I truly have hit rock bottom (I hope I have anyway because I couldn't take it if it was any lower than this lol)- I am thinking this myself. I quit my job, I was on the kitchen floor, still a mess but hopefully working thru it. I feel emotionless and numb on life. Thankfully I know time heals all. Good luckx
OCCDAVE Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Thats a very good story electric.Im at the point of caving to cause my ex of 2 and half years dumped me in a span of a day cause the day before she dumped me all was well.She has seemed to be moving on same like you said without a care in the world and here i am an emotional wreck.
alwayssme Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 i saw my ex a couple times after our break-up, talked to him on the phone..apparantly i needed 100 "closures" because none of them resulted in "what i wanted"...overall i never got any real closure, we never got back...we would see each other, he was pretty nice about talking to me but as soon as i would bring up our break up, he would start acting cold and indifferent...God did it hurt to see him move on with his life as though i never existed..it still hurts because i truly believed he was in love with me how i was with him....so after being in contact with his often after our break up, i realized he wasnt coming back...and that hurt me more than anything...i stopped calling, last time we talked i was in tears and an emotional wreck....he hasnt even sent me a freakin text to ask how im doing......and all this time (when we were broken up) he promised to ALWAYS be there for me and that he cares about me extremely...sometimes i wish i could forward him all the "promises" through text...i have them saved.....this sucks
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