amandaparker503 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Ok, i dont want to be made to feel better , i am ashamed of my own self, but i will just tell you the truth! Saw ex in a shop on Friday and I am already mad at him for refusing to be mates and clear the air and chill out for the sake of our k.boxing club etc. Any way i know he is with a girl , as he was hanging around...so i wait outside the shop. He sees me and comes out the shop and chats on his phone, i dont move, just chat on my phone!..i just want to see her. So i wait ages and give up, i walk away and go into another shop and they both walk past, he clocks me and turns around in other direction. So the most weirdest thing came over me and i did this! ..I followed them, he knew and gave her a kiss, i guess to show me his love for her! ..any way i catch up like a mad woman and say hello ian, and i ask him some crap about something, and then i say , is this the girlfriend and i say hello..they walk over the road and into a shop and i follow them..he looks at me and says , you ok then, i say yep, i see you are talking to me now, i thought you didnt want to be mates and speak to me, he said something, i cant remembe what! ..so we carry on walking and he said ,are you following us..i was like no, we r going the same way and they turn the other way, i said goodbye, i am Amanda by the way , do you know me... OH MY GOD..AM I FLIPPIN NUTS ! The thing is , she was laughing, very nervous i guess, and she knew me, she was not surprised by any of it, so i guess he has warned her that i might say something one day or maybe told her i am a crazy ex, who knows what he has told her...but i do now they were Fu**ing when he was with me and i am angry about this. I wasnt jealous, that is weird, i didnt feel that, i just thought, hummm...you both think i am going to be ok about the fact you both cheated and all the crap he has put on me since and during the relationship , as many of you know from my past posts! Any way , i have not heard from him since, i thought i would , as he would be very angry, but maybe the fact i know the truth he just cant tell me off anymore. I dont know, i am just annoyed that once again , i act a prat! I am so stupid, but also part of me thinks...you dish out ****e , you will get it back. But overall i wanted to just get peace and i have made it worse and he might even think i still care now, and i dont, i hate him. She more than likely thinks i am crazy , but again i dont care what she thinks I am just sadd at me.. Ok..now shoot me down! I did think of saying sorry , but changed my mind.
JooLee Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 if you didnt care you wouldnt have followed them/ it was totally uncool what you did but its okay we all make mistakes. use this opportunity to see him as who he reli is and move on. you dont need a person like that. you need yourself.. so learn to trust and rely on yourself.. not just your emotions.. but rationality too. peace yaw
Lishy Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Yeah it was a silly thing to do and you made yourself look a fool BUT you are obviously hurt and loved the guy and we ALL do silly things when in that situation Dont beat yourself up, move on and if you see them again just walk away with no reaction at all Good luck honey
Geishawhelk Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I bet even in the middle of it all, you were thinking - "Man, I am being so dumb! Why am I even bothering? What is with me, fer chripes sake??" Yet you still felt compelled to carry out, carry on and dig it deeper. Isn't it stoopid how we permit our emotions to compel us to act like Jackasses...?!? Ok. Now, do you think you can avoid doing the same thing? Life in Five Short Chapters CHAPTER 1 I walk down the street There's a deep hole in the sidewalk. And I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. CHAPTER 2 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It takes a long time to get out. CHAPTER 3 I walk down the same street and there is a deep hole in the sidewalk I see it there, and still I fall in. It's a habit. But my eyes are open and I know where I am. It is my fault It takes a good effort, but I get out immediately. CHAPTER 4 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. CHAPTER 5 I walk down a different street By Portia Nelson
Hersheys Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Please don't do that anymore. I don't mean to sound harsh but you made yourself look like a stalker. However, what you did was understandable. We make mistakes, we do silly things, we lose our self-control when we are in love and much more so when we are losing that love and attention we used to get from our bf/gf. We all go through crazy, in denial and out of character moments. I hope you'd go NC on this guy from now on. Don't waste your time figuring out how you're going to let him now how mad and hurt you are for what he did to to you because truth is, he doesn't care about what he did, he doesn't care about you and you're feelings. It doesn't matter anymore. Try your darndest to go NC on him. NC not to make him miss you and want you back BUT to move on with your life, to get that self-control back. Take care of yourself. Don't beat yourself up over what happened at the shop BUT promise yourself that any similar incident will not happen again ever.
amandaparker503 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I am at chapter 3. I love what you wrote. I have to say , i really dont love him. I am angry and want to make him feel pain, it is not love anymore. I got over that part. Its the fact he is so happy and getting on without a care in the world for putting me through emotional abuse for 10 months and cheating on me..I dont want to be the one suffering. I guess that is the part i need to take a different street. Love it Thank you x CHAPTER 3 I walk down the same street and there is a deep hole in the sidewalk I see it there, and still I fall in. It's a habit. But my eyes are open and I know where I am. It is my fault It takes a good effort, but I get out immediately. CHAPTER 4 I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. CHAPTER 5 I walk down a different street By Portia Nelson
amaysngrace Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I love this part. I was repeating it in an accent last night. OH MY GOD..AM I FLIPPIN NUTS ! I thought your story was entertaining. I know it stunk for you but for me it made me smile.
amandaparker503 Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 Well to be honest i laughed today as a friend was like oh my god you have some balls, but sill i do feel pretty pants for just walking into making myself look like the crazy ex.
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