TheOutsider Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Sorry about the length but I can't seem to figure out how to shorten it while still encompassing the entire situation. I've just recently begun speaking to my ex again (in the past 3-4 months anyway) and I realized that not only do I have the faint lingering of feelings that I was aware of but that I am still in love with the girl. At first I shrugged it off as just the initial effects of renewed contact. However, I came to realize that not only am I still in love with her but since it has been a while since we've been apart (nearly 3 years) she has matured and so have I which has made my perception of love more sophisticated. I actually love her in a deeper fashion than I had before. So there is the preface. She and I met right before highschool online, we were friends for a while then began an online relationship that was on and off until just before our 16th birthdays when it got serious, we proceeded to visit each other, usually myself doing the traveling, twice a year for the most part. Anyway long story short we moved in together after graduating from highschool, my parents were paying for my apartment on the conditions that I did well in school and she held down a job, needless to say our lack of maturity and our age made this difficult and ultimately my parents ended up cutting us off, she moved back in with her parents a thousand miles away and we tried for the remainder of the year to keep things together but between the pain of the seperation and my methods of dealing with it (drinking a lot, fairly heavy drug use) it fell apart. We tried being friends for a while after that but it didn't work as she soon began dating someone else and I wasn't at all subtle about how I felt about it. So we stopped talking, I just decided to reinitiate contact back in late August and things have been going smoothly. Basically I'm wondering how I go about this, I want to be with her again but I don't know how to go about letting her know that without maybe scaring her off. I've stopped the drug use and the majority of the drinking and have a pretty good job so working something out in order to be closer to her isn't out of the picture. I'm thinking about taking a road trip at the start of the summer and maybe using that to visit her and try to handle it in person, anyway I would appreciate any and all input. I know this is my first post so I haven't really contributed to helping anyone else but I will, pinky promise. Edit: Since I've been talking to her there have been moments where it seems like she was trying to drop me hints, for example a few nights ago we were reminiscing about living together, she having said she missed it. I mentioned how it would have worked out better if we had been able to control ourselves a bit better, she said it would have been better if we were older. Also one night I was talking to her, she was a little bit drunk and a bit upset, she had broken it off with the guy she dated after me (for about a year) back in September and he had been screwing with her head. I'm not sure if I heard her correctly or not but I think she said, "I love you, you know that right?" She kind of mumbled it so when I asked her what she had said she replied, "Nothing, no big deal." Also when we talk on the phone it's usually for an hour + and we get pretty intimate (where talking about our lives are concerned and maybe even a little pseudo romantic) but almost every time we speak like this she becomes distant for the next week or so.
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