Question for the Guys....

[xjadex]

I'm new here and seeking opinions from the guys.....females can also join in though.

 

OK...you met a lady online that you instantly clicked with and you have been chatting for several months with her via phone.You've exchanged pics with one another, obviously you both like what you see. Because you have chatted several months, an emotional bond has formed....you both want to take it to 'real' life, to see if the feelings are 'real'...

 

The time comes and you both meet up...

 

One of two things is going to happen:

 

1. You either like this woman and she is everything you were hoping for and knew she would be. You are NOT disapointed.

2. You are disappointed and she isn't what you were expecting her to be.

 

How would you deal with the situation, whereby in real life she just wasn't your type? Would you be honest and tell her? Would you not want to hurt her feelings and let her down gently? Would you simply just not contact her anymore after the meeting, or would you still call her after the meeting, but not call as much....keep the calls short, hoping she gets the message.

 

And in the situation where you really liked her, how would you follow up the real life meeting? Would you call her immediatley the next day? Would you declare that real feelings had been there for her, that you want to begin a real life realtionship.....would there be a desire to want to call her more and chat with her, if you really liked her?

 

Thanks everyone

[CarrieT]

 

How would you deal with the situation, whereby in real life she just wasn't your type? Would you be honest and tell her? Would you not want to hurt her feelings and let her down gently? Would you simply just not contact her anymore after the meeting, or would you still call her after the meeting, but not call as much....keep the calls short, hoping she gets the message.

 

 

Put yourself in her place and ask yourself how you would feel if, after you have invested time and emotion into getting to know someone, that you had NO CONTACT whatsoever. The not knowing what was wrong is infinitely more painful and rude than being honest or playing the games of "not calling as much."

 

Just me, but that is part of why I gave up internet dating -- seemingly "okay" dates where there are smiles and kisses and things like, "oh yeah, we'll have to do that next time" and then to never hear from them again. Rude, just plain rude.

[xjadex]

Carrie, I am the woman in this situation.

 

The above happened to me. I met a guy online, we hit it off immediately, became real close, he would phone all of the time and over a period of several months and we arranged to meet....

 

We met on Saturday night, things went quite well between us I think....but since the meet, he's called only once and yesterday and to ask if I was ok. Then when I'd started talking about the night before, he'd said something about being busy, he'd call me later and he didn't...

 

So Im left thinking, wtf ??

 

I told him I wanted honesty from him. If I wasn't what I wanted, just let me know.

[sunshinegirl]

Unfortunately, I think you have your answer.

 

He could have been more direct about it, but the fact that contact/attention has dwindled since meeting is pretty clear in and of itself.

 

You have to have thick skin to play in the online dating pool. A lot of people aren't going to behave how you think they should.

 

Not that you were asking for advice, but I would also suggest that you not drag out phone/email conversation beyond a week or two. Meeting in person early on is really the best way to gauge whether there's real chemistry. No matter how much email chemistry you may have, sometimes it just doesn't translate in real life.

[xjadex]

I would also suggest that you not drag out phone/email conversation beyond a week or two. Meeting in person early on is really the best way to gauge whether there's real chemistry.

 

He was long distance, hence why we didn't meet earlier....

 

Just feel now that I wasted seven months on him and after seven months, he could have at least be honest with me. When we met he'd said he liked me a lot, said that I looked better in real life than in my pics and he kept asking a lot, what I thought of him and if I liked him...

 

But his actions since meeting, are telling a different story....and I take notice of actions, not words.

 

Thanks anyway. We learn by our mistakes and I won't be making the same mistake again ...

[sunshinegirl]

He was long distance, hence why we didn't meet earlier....

 

Just feel now that I wasted seven months on him and after seven months, he could have at least be honest with me. When we met he'd said he liked me a lot, said that I looked better in real life than in my pics and he kept asking a lot, what I thought of him and if I liked him...

 

But his actions since meeting, are telling a different story....and I take notice of actions, not words.

 

Thanks anyway. We learn by our mistakes and I won't be making the same mistake again ...

 

Ah. Well, sorry it turned out like this. It sucks. Situations like this are also why I have sworn off long distance relationships. They're hard enough when you knew each other or started dating in the same city and then one of you moved... they are that much harder when the whole thing is happening from afar.

[ThisGuy85]

Not to hijack you're thread, But I'm kind of confused. If a person got along great with someone on the internet, Exchanged pics, had alot in common, And was into them so much that they decided to meet, Then why wouldn't they like each other in real life?

 

But to try to answer you're original question. If for some reason I ended up not feeling like they were my type, I would still talk to them. It wouldn't make sense to me to stop talking to someone because they weren't dating material. Espacially if you got along great with them before.

[xjadex]

Not to hijack you're thread, But I'm kind of confused. If a person got along great with someone on the internet, Exchanged pics, had alot in common, And was into them so much that they decided to meet, Then why wouldn't they like each other in real life?

 

Im questioning the same thing?

 

I'd chatted with this guy for all that time and we had become close and got along brilliantly. He seemed real serious about me from early on and talked of us meeting, two weeks after our first contact online. But the long distance and money was a problem for us. He was the one to do all of the calling and texting and he'd phone a lot. He seemed to have his head in his clouds, seemed totally convinced I was the one for him and he'd talk like were already in a relationship and he was planning the future. He had me on a pedestal it seemed....

 

For me, it wasn't about looks or whether I'd like the look of him or not. I liked the PERSON he was...and I knew I'd like him when I met him and I did. Enough to want to take things further anyway. He'd said it wasn't about looks either....he liked the PERSON behind the calls...

 

I don't think it's a case of he doesn't like me.....I just probably am not, what he'd built me up to be and he's probably now, sorely disillusioned perhaps. He's only called me once since we met....and Im thinking that if I'd lived up to his expectations, if I'd been totally his 'type', then he'd have been on the phone chatting away to me and arranging to meet me again....and he isn't...

 

But to try to answer you're original question. If for some reason I ended up not feeling like they were my type, I would still talk to them. It wouldn't make sense to me to stop talking to someone because they weren't dating material. Espacially if you got along great with them before.

 

As I said, he has phoned me since. That was yesterday afternoon and he said he'd call later and so far he aint called. But he also had a habit prior to us meeting, where he would say he would call....and I wouldn't hear from him for two days.

 

I just expected that to change, after we met and I expected to hear from him more, had he been into me in 'real life'.....

[sunshinegirl]

I can't speak for anyone else, but to be honest if I don't feel a romantic vibe with a guy I just won't continue anything with them - friendship or otherwise. It's not me being a jerk, it's just me know that I don't want more friends; I'm not dating online so I can add to my posse. It would be a really rare guy that I would meet, not be romantically interested in but really want to pursue a friendship with. Hasn't happened yet, in fact.

[xjadex]

I can't speak for anyone else, but to be honest if I don't feel a romantic vibe with a guy I just won't continue anything with them - friendship or otherwise. It's not me being a jerk, it's just me know that I don't want more friends; I'm not dating online so I can add to my posse. It would be a really rare guy that I would meet, not be romantically interested in but really want to pursue a friendship with. Hasn't happened yet, in fact.

 

I'm exact same. But with him, I did have feelings for him and when I met him for the first time, I knew my feelings for him had been real and well, I could easily fall in love with him.

 

And I think he had feelings for me too, or thought he did. But his feelings have proven not to be 'real' ones, when we have met in the 'real' world.....hence is why I think he's backed off. If his feelings for me had been 'real', he'd have been on the phone non stop wanting to talk to me. That is what men do, when they are totally into a woman...and especially after they have met for the very first time.

 

If there is nothing there for me, then Id rather not continue a friendship....I'd rather just be left to move on. I just don't know why he cant just be honest and tell me. After several months, think he owes me honesty....but he's probably afraid he will my hurt my feelings and despite us both agreeing prior to meeting, to be totally honest and open with each other'....!!!

[SoulSearch_CO]

Ouch...I'd be really stung as a woman if the situation you explained occurred and then he didn't have the decency to man up and just explain his feelings after the meeting. Calling less often or not calling at all in hopes that she "gets the message." Tacky, tacky.

[xjadex]

Ouch...I'd be really stung as a woman if the situation you explained occurred and then he didn't have the decency to man up and just explain his feelings after the meeting. Calling less often or not calling at all in hopes that she "gets the message." Tacky, tacky.

 

It wouldn't bother me if I'd only known him a couple of weeks prior to meeting....but I've been chatting with him since March and I'd assumed he was a decent guy!! lol. He'd asked for honesty from me, so why he has decided not to be open and honest with me, is beyond me. I'd told him that if I wasn't what he'd hoped for, just to tell me and that Id get over it. But all I got was, 'I do like you', 'I like you a lot', 'You are better than I imagined'...blah., blah,...he'd said he felt I was too good for him....what a heap of crapola!

 

I guess some just don't have the balls to come clean. He's probably trying to spare my feelings, without realising that dishonesty and no contact hurts more.

 

Proved what he is anyway...shame it dragged on so long and I invested all that time in him.

 

NEVER again will I let that happen!! lol

[SoulSearch_CO]

Man, that sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that. He sounds like a spineless coward. At least you found out NOW rather than, say, YEARS down the road. What a jerk.