A long story

[m-g]

heres my story.....

 

my wife and i have been married for 6 years and we have enjoyed what I thought was a good partnership for most of that time.

 

I had smoked cannibis for 15 years untill recently. I will admit my smoking was getting me down and i had a problem with the addiction, my wife did want me to stop but never really gave me the support i needed. I know I cant blame her for my problem but she would moan about stuff alot and I thought smoking was helping me tolerate it.

 

she has a problem talking, especially about her feelings and showing affection, She also has quite a low sex drive which isnt a big problem for me as its not all about that. I had been stuck in a rut, low self asteem, motivation and sex drive about a month or two before she told me she wasnt happy and wanted a break. I was devastated and told her if we talked about it we could sort it out. I went to the doctors and he told me I was suffering with depression. now im on tablets and have not smoked for over a month.

 

Unfortunatly I think I went too late. My wife and I decided to try to work it out but 3 days later i was having trouble working out why this was happening and checked her mobile. I found a log on her phone and realized she had been texting another man. I dont know what they said only times dates ect. When i asked her about it she said that she needed someone to talk to... she swore nothing was going on and hadnt text him since.

 

A few days later while we were in the pub the other bloke came in and I sterted to get very insecure andd paranoid. we had an arguement and she went out for a while. I tried looking for her but couldnt find her, she wouldnt answer my calls either. she finally came back and after another arguement (she said she was away thinking) She slept in the spare roon that night.

 

In the morning she confessed that she had met that man. It works out that he had made a pass at her a few weeks before but she had turned him away. It took all day but in the end she told me that they had kissed, used there hands ect but she had not slept with him. I asked her why she did it and she says she didint thik I wanted to be with her anymore and thought it was over, alot of the reasons she gave I put down to my depression and the symptoms I have. I didnt make her do this did I?

 

She says she has not spoken, seen or contacted him since and doesnt want to, she feels what she did felt wrong and she feels dirty, embarresed and ashamed. she says she loves me and doesnt want to loose me.

apparently I have made good changes and she wants me to get better.

My problem is my heads a mess, what with the depression and this whole episode in our lives. im off work and am worried about us, money, my job and her doing this again. I am paranoid and keep checking up on her all the time. always thinking the worst, what makes it worse is that the other bloke works on the farm that we live on. I see him every day. I have spoken to him and he said he would back off. I really wanted to smash his face in but understand that this would make life here even more difficault. (hes my landlords son) we could move but we do have low rent and my wifes horses are on the farm. not an easy move.

The questune is how do I cope with this, forget whats happened and move on? I feel the depression is lifting slowly but how how am I ment to deal with that with all this going on? She is trying but I feel she thinks I will just get over this.. How can I get the image of them together out of my head? will I ever? We are holding hands and I feel abit closer to her, although we havnt "been together" sexually since....

Please help I need advice..

[JooLee]

okay, do you love your wife? if you answer yes, then you will have the will to forget and forgive what has happened. this situation its not just about you. its about her as well.both of you are still in the marriage!

 

what she did was wrong, yes but her realising that she wants to be with you and doesnt want to lose you and that she loves only you, thats a really good thing. i guess her actions was a wake up call to you. Its not all your fault, she is to blame too, she didnt share her feelings with you. what you both need is to communicate better, be more honest with each other. perharps a couple therapy would help? you have to get past what has happened. i believe if you love someone enough, you will eventually let it go..

 

work on the relationship, work on communicating, work on understand each other better. be each other's best friends again.

good luck to you.