heartbroken

[alone_confused]

Hi all,

My BF of 3 and half years broke up with me mid last week, we have been fighting quite a bit lately and had another tiff a couple of days before, over something really stupid, he said we have to talk, don't you just love to hear the phrase , he proceeded to tell me, that he loves me more than he has loved anyone before, but he doesn't think he is "in love" with me anymore, well as you can probably imagine I didn't take that very well, what does that even mean?????, so I then calmed down and we talked about it for over an hour or two.

 

]He said he feels trapped, suffocated, and that he has been feeling this way for a few months, which was another blow to my ego, he said he doesn't know what he wants, that he is confused, but he doesn't want to Be in a relationship right now, he begged to be friends, and said that he doesn't think he could live without me in his life, and that being friends would lift the pressure off him regarding the relationship, he swears that he isn't seeing anyone or even talking to them, and has no intention of dating anyone at this stage, he says it isn't about that.

 

I then asked so you see me as a friend, he said yes, you are my best friend, I said so you don't have any sexual attraction to me anymore, he said I do, I love having sex with you, im still attracted to you, I see how many guys want you when we go out, its not that, Ok so that left me even more confused

 

he then mentioned that im his soul mate, I said, im your soul mate but you don't want me anymore? WTH, he then said that in the last 2 relationships he had, he never wanted to be friends, he wanted them out of his life period, besides the Hi and bye when he saw them. but claims it is different with me, I said look, is that all you have to say,. it was getting to much for me at this stage, so I said, okay, I'll be going then, he said please don't leave, I replied, why? what point is there in staying, he said I don't know, he cried and said just hang out, needless to say I left and cried all the way home

 

 

We then spoke the following day about the friends thing again, he wanted me to come over, we were having a great talk about things, my faults, his faults, no yelling or anything, so I thought to myself friends might work and agreed to it....but the more I thought about it, the more I thought I couldn't do it, he said it was okay if I wanted to see other people but he doesn't want to yet, then I think, okay if he is okay with me seeing other people it must be really over. I emailed him later and explained, that I would like to work at the relationship and see what happens, he replied right away basically saying, all I can offer you right now is friendship, deep true friendship, I don't know what I want right now, I might fall back in love, I might not, I don't want to hurt you again and I don't want you to wait around for me, that isn't fair, but it would mean the world to me if we could be friends and see what happensI replied no sorry, I cant be friends with someone I love, it will be to hard, I would be hanging in limbo, and then said if you one day realise that I was the one, you know how to get in contact with me, I might have moved on by then or whatever who knows

 

 

for the next 2 days he spoke to me via MSN, just normal stuff, what he did all day, who he saw, work etc, my answered were very short, but semi interested, funny thing is I always feel better talking to him, the knot in my stomach goes away and I feel back to myself, but I know that cant be good and I haven't spoken to him online since Friday.

 

I will mentioned that in our relationship we have never really been away from each other for more than 1 day, its been 5 days now, killing me .

 

sorry its so long, what should I do? should I try move on? wait around ? consider being friends? give him time to maybe miss me and realise he really does love me? im so confused..Im trying the NC rule, he hasn't been in touch with me since Friday, but I know he is the kind of person that will respect what I ask, I just don't want to sit around in hope, I don't want to delude myself, I need closure, I feel like I should just pick up the phone and say give it to me straight, I can take it, let me know what you want, you still don't want to be with me??? if he says yes, then I'll know, it will hurt like hell, but better than sitting around in hope..

 

any advice, I would really appreciate it,

[alone_confused]

update, though some of you might not agree with contact, i needed to find out whats going on for myself, hated playing the guessing game, sure i felt a little better everyday, i also walked around with hope.

 

I text him today and just asked whats happening, he replied right back and said not much you, i said same just online...he said okay i will jump on msn.

 

i then asked what he has been doing, he is like omg ive been so busy, been here done that etc, he is having a blast, well that made me feel like absolute crap, but i responded, oh thats good, glad you're having a good time.:(

 

I then said sorry but i need to know whats going on, im confused and i need closure, i said we have been away from eachother for 5 days and even though you might require more time, has anything changed, he said well ive missed you, but no, i dont want to be in a relationship with you or anyone else at this time in my life..he said sorry if thats harsh:( i said you know what, thats fine.

 

I then said, i will now ask you not to contact me again and let me be, he said okay if thats what you need, i said it is thanks , i said bye he said bye, then end.

 

I dont think he cared about me at all, he is so carefree, and i know it isnt an act, cause i know him well enough, he has been having fun all weekend enjoying his freedom while im sitting home crying my eyes out trying to come to terms with living my life alone again.

 

I am in my 30s, but this is my first serious relationship, so i dont know how to handle this feeling, i know many of you ahve been through this before and it hurts everytime, but atleast you can look back on your last relationship and say, hey i came through that, im okay...i dont know what to do anymore, im lost and heartbroken...thanks for listening

[EmperorR]

First you need to cut him off, go total no contact. Silence is golden, don't wait for anyone but don't rush into a new relationship either. Nc is the best way to heal yourself, every time you contact him your just pushing him awar farther. I've been there wondering why kept on asking questions why and all I got is cold responses etc.

 

I'm sorry I know the pain you feelnd wondering why he is ok, because he probably emotionally checked out the relationship awhile ago.

 

Best thing to do is go nc, go out with your friends, right now I know you want him more than anythig and it sucks that he doesn't care back.

[ninjaturtles]

First you need to cut him off, go total no contact. Silence is golden, don't wait for anyone but don't rush into a new relationship either. Nc is the best way to heal yourself, every time you contact him your just pushing him awar farther. I've been there wondering why kept on asking questions why and all I got is cold responses etc.

 

I'm sorry I know the pain you feelnd wondering why he is ok, because he probably emotionally checked out the relationship awhile ago.

 

Best thing to do is go nc, go out with your friends, right now I know you want him more than anythig and it sucks that he doesn't care back.

 

Hi. I am so sorry about the way you are feeling. I can imagine how hurt and confused you must be. I am guessing you are yearning for closure. I would advice you as Emperor did, to cut all contact. He knows where to find you if he want a reconciliation. Everyday will hurt, you will miss him very much, you may be tempted to contact him, you will also feel depressed. Note however, that this too shall pass. I know tons of people who have been through breakups similar to yours. Inorder to move on, three things will help you. One- NC. 2- time 3- a strong network of support eg loveshack, family and friends. You will get through this, but it will hurt. Take It day at a time, post on here as often as possible and most importantly don't contact him. Inorder for your healing to progress and also inorder not to push him away. How are you feeling today?

[alone_confused]

Hi. I am so sorry about the way you are feeling. I can imagine how hurt and confused you must be. I am guessing you are yearning for closure. I would advice you as Emperor did, to cut all contact. He knows where to find you if he want a reconciliation. Everyday will hurt, you will miss him very much, you may be tempted to contact him, you will also feel depressed. Note however, that this too shall pass. I know tons of people who have been through breakups similar to yours. Inorder to move on, three things will help you. One- NC. 2- time 3- a strong network of support eg loveshack, family and friends. You will get through this, but it will hurt. Take It day at a time, post on here as often as possible and most importantly don't contact him. Inorder for your healing to progress and also inorder not to push him away. How are you feeling today?

 

Thanks for your replies, well this all happened tonight, regarding the msn convo, im in a different country, so time zones are off, but it happend about 4 hours ago,

 

to be honest maybe im just saying this cause im angry right now, but i dont care less if that pushed him away, there were atleast 3 times early in this relationship where i felt it wasnt working, and ended it, and he begged me to change my mind, that he needed me, and i did, some really huge reasons to end it to, but no, stupid me, stuck by him, worked it out, made the effort and in turn all it did was make be become weak and co-dependant on him..and now when alot of not so good things have been happening in my life, and i needed him for a change, he is outta here, selfish bastard, i don't deserve this, grrrrrrr sorry,

 

I just needed to vent, im having a moment right now of looking back over my relationship with the rose coloured glasses off, remembering the times i would cry and he would just ignore it, no hugs , no nothing,, i even remember at those moments telling myself, pull yourself together, get up and walk out that damn door, he doesnt care less. But i never did, i felt stuck, scared, didnt know what to do, and i guess he played on my weakness, i was a very strong person when he met me..how things make you change...thanks again for your concern

[ninjaturtles]

How are you feeling today?

 

I just wanted to add something extra. Many a times, you will long for closure. You will wonder what went wrong. You will have unanswered questions. You may even start blaming yourself.

 

I struggled with this lack of closure. I felt that I needed to know exactly what wrong went wrong. My ex was not as straightfoward as yours though. He just broke up with me and went all cold. Nevertheless, this must have come as a shock to you, especially as he had felt this way for months?

 

Closure can only come from within. Rarely, do dumpers ever give the real reason for breaking up with their SO's. In your case, it could be that he truly wanted a break and did not want to be in a relationship. However, we all know that sounds trivial if there was indeed love.

 

You must have meant a lot to him, he still cares for you etc, however the fact that he says he is no 'longer in love with you' superceeds every other feeling. This is why the easier way to reduce the prolonged suffering is to go NC. Trust me on this one. I have experimented and learnt the hard way. It will feel as though you are trying to quit an addiction. In a way, he was an addiction. You saw him virtually everyday?....So you will have withdrawal symptoms etc. However, you must try your very best. You may have a few relapses, but this will only set you back.

 

Closure comes from within. I had to find closure withing myself. 1 and and half years later, I still do not know why my Ex dumped me. I had to find closure within myself. If he loved me enough, he would not have left me. If if and if ( I have to stress 'IF')he starts to love me again ( not that I think he ever did), he will have to fight for me.

 

Dont forget that closure comes from within. Keep typing.xxx

[ninjaturtles]

 

I just needed to vent, im having a moment right now of looking back over my relationship with the rose coloured glasses off, remembering the times i would cry and he would just ignore it, no hugs , no nothing,, i even remember at those moments telling myself, pull yourself together, get up and walk out that damn door, he doesnt care less. But i never did, i felt stuck, scared, didnt know what to do, and i guess he played on my weakness, i was a very strong person when he met me..how things make you change...thanks again for your concern

 

 

I am happy you realise his faults. A lot of times, people tend to put their exes on a pedestal. It is HIS loss. HIS loss. It may take a bit of time for him to realise that...but he will.

[ninjaturtles]

Supercede* Apologies for grammatical errors.

[alone_confused]

I don't feel so good today, I'm sad and depressed again, i got over the angry of last night unfortunately and i back to sad and empty, don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting around blaming myself for the break up, i know deep down that I have many faults, but i truly believe my good points outweigh them.

 

I care for a family member full time day time hours and have done so for many years, it can be very isolating as you can imagine, no one to really talk with like you could at work, or go for drinks with etc, but its a choice i made and for the most part i don't regret, i met my now ex 4 years ago on line and chatting for a couple of months, met and hit it off, for once again i felt part of the living, dates, dinner, clubs with friends, it was great, he never pressured me and fully supported what i do, and still does to this day.

 

I now look back and start to wonder if I also started to view him as just a friend, particularly in the last year, there was no real affection from either of us, besides sex, we just hung out and had fun and talked, shared our problems things like that, many times i was there i didn't feel satisfied anymore, it was hi and lets watch a movie, i was getting bored with it.

 

though at the same time he was my outlet, the person i could get away from it all with, could count on being there, now I'm stuck in that lonely place again, being alone, not really having anyone to talk to, and suffering, Now i understand none of these things are reasons to be in a relationship and i truly get that and i know that being In a relationship for those reasons are crazy, but i now wonder if they are the reasons i never left, because i wanted to so many times.

 

I now keep thinking, maybe being friends would work, he still wants that and mentioned it again last night before i told him not to contact to me, he said he really misses our friendship and i have to admit so do I, sure it wouldn't be the same, we would probably catch up a couple of times a week, but maybe we were always meant to be only friends, as you can see my head is all over the place.lol one moment i think you know what this could work, and another i think, no would be to weird.

 

Sometimes just typing all this just makes me feel better, i believe for the most part that things will be good again in my life, I know I'm time i will get over it, even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way, but i guess I'm stuck in part by not giving friendship a go, it could help us both, it could make it worse, no one really know the answer to that, is it worth it, or isn't it.? who knows. I guess only i can decide that, but how, i have no idea... thanks for listening again.

[trueblue72ny]

Hey alone_confused,

it is definately confusing. going thru the same things myself. my ex gf is asking me to be friends. not sure what i want to do. its hard!!!! on one hand i cant imagine her not being in my life in some capacity, on the other i am like why bother!! Im stuck on a see saw too..

[alwayssme]

sorry to hear your going through that. the same thing happened to me with my ex..he fell out of love...it sucks but life has its ups n down

[TeaAbraham]

Hey alone&confused. I know how hard it is and how much pain you are in. I wish you well.

 

I don't know if beings friends is the best idea at least for right now. You are in a lot of anguish and still confused about the whole situation. I know that I really wanted to be friends with my ex after she dumped me just because I still loved her and I still wanted to be with her. I wanted to do anything to be close to her.

 

Now as long as you are both on the same page, it will probably be okay, but I don't know if you really know what you're truly feeling right now! You have got a lot of different things bumping around in your mind, and it seems to me you're still trying to figure out what's what. I know I experienced a lot of fleeting emotions like forgiveness, anger, acceptance, happiness, hatred, forgiveness, anger, etc, etc. I think you need to gather your thoughts by yourself right now, but it seems very possible that you two could be friends after a while. I mean with my ex it is impossible because she lied, cheated, and left me for dead! But your ex (how weird it must be calling him your ex!) seems to be an honest guy who just doesn't know what he wants. A lot of people on LS have had experiences where their ex is confused and doesn't know what s/he wants and just strings out the relationship but stops caring and then cheats on you. Or they say they "want to be alone and figure our what they want" but then go off with some other person anyway. I think it's great that for all you know he is being up front with you about all this and being completely honest, not that means it doesn't hurt like hell.

 

So figure out where your head is at, keep posting how you're feeling and what's going on, but for now at least I think NC is the best route. You can figure out if you still have feelings for him, and if you do you will know friendship will not work. Just remember to be completely honest with yourself! Don't tell yourself what you think you'd like to hear.

 

Anyways, we're here for ya.

[alone_confused]

Hey alone_confused,

it is definately confusing. going thru the same things myself. my ex gf is asking me to be friends. not sure what i want to do. its hard!!!! on one hand i cant imagine her not being in my life in some capacity, on the other i am like why bother!! Im stuck on a see saw too..[/quote]

 

Yes it is very hard, trueblue, there is are some reasons to stay friends, and of course many not to, sigh, sorry to hear you are going through this too.

 

sorry to hear your going through that. the same thing happened to me with my ex..he fell out of love...it sucks but life has its ups n down

 

Yes alwayssme, it seems to be a very common thing, falling out of love, still don't fully understand the term, i think it refers to falling out of lust more, but who knows.

 

Hey alone&confused. I know how hard it is and how much pain you are in. I wish you well.

 

I don't know if beings friends is the best idea at least for right now. You are in a lot of anguish and still confused about the whole situation. I know that I really wanted to be friends with my ex after she dumped me just because I still loved her and I still wanted to be with her. I wanted to do anything to be close to her.

 

Now as long as you are both on the same page, it will probably be okay, but I don't know if you really know what you're truly feeling right now! You have got a lot of different things bumping around in your mind, and it seems to me you're still trying to figure out what's what. I know I experienced a lot of fleeting emotions like forgiveness, anger, acceptance, happiness, hatred, forgiveness, anger, etc, etc. I think you need to gather your thoughts by yourself right now, but it seems very possible that you two could be friends after a while. I mean with my ex it is impossible because she lied, cheated, and left me for dead! But your ex (how weird it must be calling him your ex!) seems to be an honest guy who just doesn't know what he wants. A lot of people on LS have had experiences where their ex is confused and doesn't know what s/he wants and just strings out the relationship but stops caring and then cheats on you. Or they say they "want to be alone and figure our what they want" but then go off with some other person anyway. I think it's great that for all you know he is being up front with you about all this and being completely honest, not that means it doesn't hurt like hell.

 

So figure out where your head is at, keep posting how you're feeling and what's going on, but for now at least I think NC is the best route. You can figure out if you still have feelings for him, and if you do you will know friendship will not work. Just remember to be completely honest with yourself! Don't tell yourself what you think you'd like to hear.

 

Anyways, we're here for ya.

 

 

Hi tea,

 

I know you are right, i guess its a way of hanging on maybe,

i just got back from the Dr's for a chest infection that i have been fighting for the last week, i guess the stress of everything has made me sick, but it also gave me a chance to talk about things with my Dr, My doctor is young and very easy to talk to, always seems to know what to say, He knew my BF too, so when he asked how are things i let loose,

 

He helped me to understand that love is a very unexplainable thing, but he feels most people are in love with the lust and don't seem to see that love turns into a deeper level as time goes on, best friends is a common term used by people in a long term relationship he said, but he said for some people when the strong addictive feeling of lust goes, they assume that the love is gone, and continue to chase the same feeling and never really understand why there relationships all seem to end, with them always being the person that decides it over and normally always for the same reason, "i don't think I'm in love with you anymore"

 

He then went on to say, that at the end of the day that is there choice, and there is nothing that can be done about it, i then spoke to him regarding friendship, if i should try to maintain it, he said he knows many people that have broken up and maintained friendships, it works for some, doesn't work for others, but he also said you can't be friends with your ex at this early stage, that i need to work out things in my own head first, come to terms with things, of course i know he is right.

 

His last piece of advice was, he said, when people fight alot in a relationship it is because of many different reasons, it could be as simple as their personalities clash, to trust issues, to one being selfish, the other always being taken for granted etc, he went on to say if these are the reasons, why would you want to be friends with that person, they will still be the same person, if they were selfish, they'll still be selfish, none of things will change. He said it was about time i started to put my self first for a change, not in a selfish uncaring way, but in a healthy way, to try enjoy being single, to not look for another relationship right now but at the same time don't be bitter and close myself off from one, just be open to the new possibililes...Ofcourse i know this is all true, Now i have talked so much i think i will take my antibiotics and go for a lay down.

 

thanks for listening again

[alone_confused]

Hello,

 

I thought i put in an update since its been a few days, we have been broken up now for just under 2 weeks, and i have maintained NC for exactly 7days today!, :D I know thats not a very long time for most, but its good for me and I'm proud of myself.

 

The NC has helped a lot, actually way more than i thought it would, I think about him less, though i have to admit when an SMS arrives on my phone i do for a split second think it might be him, NC is damn hard sometimes, but i know its worth it and its helping me deal with this so much better, it gives some of your self respect back, after all the crying and begging to feeling good about myself, regaining my confidence, starting to see i deserve so much better.

 

There are still moments when i sit down and think about him, wondering if he misses me, wonder if he cried a tear over me, do i ever cross his mind anymore, is he already with someone new? But then i remind myself that it doesn't matter anymore what he thinks or does, this is now about me and my life, he made a choice and there was no swaying him.

 

I truly believe deep down that i will find happiness again with someone new one day, when i think about it to hard i get scared, will they like this about me and that about me, so i try not to think too much and just take it day by day.

 

thanks for reading

[openbook08]

hi aloneconfused. your whole original post sounded very similar to my own situation . . . very similar. also my first love, 5years so i know how you feel. he tried the whole friends card too, needed me in his life etc etc etc well after hurting me & breaking my heart again i finally came to the realisation i have enough hurtful/backstabbing/using/selfish/insensitive friends (thatd be zero) so i changed my no., blocked his emails, deactivated my facebook. now i can truly heal without dealing with all his baggage too. im a naturally very kind,caring,sympathetic kind of person. you could say soft!! and he knew that & totally took advantage of it. yet again i was back in the 'taking care of him' position but no one was taking care of me. its not easy & while i was still 'there for him' he managed to find a new girlf, not tell me, and still ring me up "youre hardly off work today are you? Im off sick was hoping youd be off too, we could spend the day together" and where was i? still heartbroken. i think there comes a time when youve gotta take control of and responsibility for yourself. its not easy and i have good and bad days. i miss him. and im angry. and im hurt. but im riding it out. you mentioned that when your phone beeps you still hope its him... i went through that too & its not good, you cant move on and everytime it beeps and its not him you set yourself back even further. id advise changing your no. just my 2cents. doesnt mean what i did will work for anyone else but i just felt so compelled to respond to you as it reminded me so much of myself. 7days is BRILLIANT!! good for you and keep posting

[Sari]

Alone_confused, your situation sounds very similar to mine, my bf broke up with me, he's confused, we are more like companions, if we were 10 years older all this would be perfect, he's not sure if he's attracted to me anymore (despite telling me earlier in the relationship that I am the best sex he's ever had), he doesn't know what he wants blah blah.

 

I think these men are just emotional cripples, unable to realise that relationships change and you do become more like companions than passionate lovers, and that the love becomes a strong, mature bond based on trust and communication. I thought we had that, and as my bf is 31 I didn't think he'd suddenly start craving excitement and freedom again, but looks like he's more immature than I gave him credit for. No wonder he hadn't had a gf for years til I came along. He freely admits that I make him laugh so much and that he is very attracted to me in general (personality, thinks I'm beautiful), but that for some reason is just not enough for him. Well he is a fool. I hope he ends up with some twinkie who looks good for a few years but then of course her looks will fade and he will be stuck staring at the walls bored out of his brains for the rest of his life, because he chose some sexual excitement and new model over his devoted gf with whom he spent so much happy time. I think he just doesn't realise how lucky we were to have each other and that relationships like ours don't come along every day.

 

Now 10 days since we split, feeling like utter crap but nc for 6 days and counting! Have been tempted but didn't reply to his email ("confused, going to miss you so much, aching and hurting just writing this" - whatever) and will not pick up the phone to him. If he ever realises what a big mistake he has made, he will have to work damn hard to get me back, and by then it may be too late. A wonderful future life together thrown away because he needed some "freedom". Who does he think he is, f*cking Braveheart?!

 

Sorry this has turned in to a personal rant but Alone_Confused just wanted to let you know that we are in very similar situations and there are other people out there feeling your pain too. Stay strong x

[alone_confused]

Thank you openbook and sari,

 

I'm also sorry you both are going through this, there is nothing worse:lmao:

 

I was also one of those over caring people, i never said no, nothing was to much trouble, i can't even count the times i went out of my way to do something for him that he didn't even ask for, its the kind of the person i am, but i can also look back and see that he didn't give me the same in return. On the odd occasion i would say, it would have been nice if you thought of me sometimes without me having to ask, the usual response was, "do you ever stop complaining" all i wanted was a simple, yeah I'm sorry, or even i understand would have been nice, but no, all i got was contempt, and somehow it was all my fault, i often wondered to myself if it was me, maybe i am a moaner, maybe he is right, self doubt blah!

 

I'm a bit depressed today, i had been doing so good, but last night all i did was dream about him, i woke up 4 times during the night and went back to sleep and the dreams continued, the dream wasn't romantic or anything, we were basically friends and i told him everything i thought of him and how he treated me, he looked at me, never said a word in return and just pressed play on the DVD player and started watching a show, he use to do that all the time, grrrrr Like hello, your concerns don't matter, I'd rather watch TV than deal with you.

 

so i feel crap again, but i know this will pass, well i sure hope so, its funny when you look back on your relationship, you see so many faults, so many times you were taken for granted, so many times you settled, give in or gave up, you have to wonder why we are really heartbroken at all, they did us a favor, but i know it doesn't work that way sigh!.

 

I guess the worse part of it all, to me anyway, it feels like the 3 and half years of working at this relationship was for nothing, i don't think he even misses me, he is more glad than anything, i still remember the day after he broke it off. he rang to try the friends thing again, i said so how are you feeling, he said I'm a bit sad but mostly relieved, how about you? God that cut like a knife, relieved? relived to be rid of me? i guess i have to give him points for being honest, but i think that was a horrible thing to say, it still haunts me, am i that bad? like phewww thank god shes gone.

 

OK Ive said to much again, I just needed to get it off my chest, i guess because Christmas is around the corner and NYE, i feel lonely again, but like the famous song goes, i will survive.lol

 

thanks

[openbook08]

you are NOT posting too much. let it all out. ill listen.

you sound so similar to myself & he sounds so similar to my ex.

 

even still, esp. with christmas around the corner, i see things id know hed love & a part of me forgets and gets excited about how happy itd make him and then i remember its not my business anymore! who am i kiddin?? i never needed an excuse like xmas to make him happy im just that kinda person, same with my family and friends! but he very very rarely returned the sentiment & same as you hed turn on me if i brought it up! id also travel to the ends of the earth for him, family occasions etc but it was like trying to bribe a spoilt child to get him to do anything like that for me!

 

i dont wanna turn this into about me i just want you to know that theres nothing wrong with you and you DIDNT deserve to be treated like that and you ARE better off. you see, reading your post helps me because i can tell what a nice caring kind person you are & i think what a ***** your ex mustve been not to appreciate you & how lucky he was & then i think again & see how similar our situations are & we seem alike so maybe i can begin to believe that is true also for myself instead of some cliche. and i hope it works vice versa for you. if it makes sense!!

 

ive had the dreams too....and the feelings of sadness & loneliness. some weeks i feel better others worse, some weeks feels like ill never feel better again other weeks i feel a bit giddy about the future. i guess its a rollercoaster & we just gotta ride it!! tough not to feel hard done by though, i agree, 5years...hes 3 years younger & gets a new girl straight away whereas i feel ... sounds stupid... left on the shelf!i just dunno if i wanna go thru the whole gettin to know you, when do i say i love you, when should i sleep with him ...effort effort effort. i feel ive already given it all and wasnt worth it.

 

ah crap made it about myself again. im as selfish as him!!! im off!

[alone_confused]

you are NOT posting too much. let it all out. ill listen.

you sound so similar to myself & he sounds so similar to my ex.

 

even still, esp. with christmas around the corner, i see things id know hed love & a part of me forgets and gets excited about how happy itd make him and then i remember its not my business anymore! who am i kiddin?? i never needed an excuse like xmas to make him happy im just that kinda person, same with my family and friends! but he very very rarely returned the sentiment & same as you hed turn on me if i brought it up! id also travel to the ends of the earth for him, family occasions etc but it was like trying to bribe a spoilt child to get him to do anything like that for me!

 

i dont wanna turn this into about me i just want you to know that theres nothing wrong with you and you DIDNT deserve to be treated like that and you ARE better off. you see, reading your post helps me because i can tell what a nice caring kind person you are & i think what a ***** your ex mustve been not to appreciate you & how lucky he was & then i think again & see how similar our situations are & we seem alike so maybe i can begin to believe that is true also for myself instead of some cliche. and i hope it works vice versa for you. if it makes sense!!

 

ive had the dreams too....and the feelings of sadness & loneliness. some weeks i feel better others worse, some weeks feels like ill never feel better again other weeks i feel a bit giddy about the future. i guess its a rollercoaster & we just gotta ride it!! tough not to feel hard done by though, i agree, 5years...hes 3 years younger & gets a new girl straight away whereas i feel ... sounds stupid... left on the shelf!i just dunno if i wanna go thru the whole gettin to know you, when do i say i love you, when should i sleep with him ...effort effort effort. i feel ive already given it all and wasnt worth it.

 

ah crap made it about myself again. im as selfish as him!!! im off!

 

 

 

No don't be silly, i like hearing about your story too, it shows me Im not alone, so please feel free to vent on here, we can backstab out ex's together :laugh: