mswonderful Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Went on 2 dates with a really great 26 year old guy, although we had been talking on the phone (met him on a dating website) for the week before. Between the first and second date, he was calling me, telling me about his day, inviting me out with his friends, texting me, telling me he couldn't wait to see me, etc. I was loving it. The second date, we were both kinda shy (I was because I realized I liked him) but it was still a good date. Now, I haven't heard from him since. I know it was Thanksgiving and all, but I do know he has been talking to other people. He was sooo excited about me and so nice/friendly/enthusiastic about me...he told me he wanted to hang out again after our second date, but now he's ignored all of my communication. Am I supposed to just take this as him not being interested? Is this normal? He was getting so much closer to me so much sooner than all of the other guys I'd only been out with a few times and I was really happy. Then he cuts it off. Is just cutting everything off w/o an explanation acceptable? Am I supposed to not feel frustrated about this? Come on!
berrieh Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Define what you mean by ignoring all your communication? And for how long was it? But, generally, that's not a good sign. Though the holidays do get hectic.
Author mswonderful Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Define what you mean by ignoring all your communication? And for how long was it? But, generally, that's not a good sign. Though the holidays do get hectic. I left him a voice mail, texted him, and then finally sent him an eharmony message. All spaced out in time, and the text was only to say Happy Thanksgiving.
berrieh Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I left him a voice mail, texted him, and then finally sent him an eharmony message. All spaced out in time, and the text was only to say Happy Thanksgiving. Spaced out since when? Could he be on vacation, heading to see the fam? If so, then he might re-appear. If not holiday-related, then, yes, he's disappeared. C'est la vie. You said the second date was a bit awkward. Perhaps he was really into you, but the second date just didn't flow for him. That could be the awkwardness you felt, and it could explain him not calling since. These things happen, and most people don't feel they owe you an explanation that early in. I'm guilty of it myself after a date or two, though I'll generally drop a line after a week or so and say, "Sorry, been busy, etc" and give them a pretty clear view they've been friendzoned if they're not awful in any way. If a guy "stops feeling it" or has one "off" date early on, he generally won't pursue. Girls don't get this---if they have a first or second date that's at 75%, a lot of girls I know will keep going to see if it gets better, but guys I know aren't like that (I'm not either, so I can't blame them). Probably depends on the guy, though.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Um...how long has it been since you heard from him? Have you considered contacting him? Maybe dropping him a text just saying what a great time you had with him on the date and hope to see him again? Who knows - he might be overanalyzing everything right now just like you and isn't sure how to proceed. It could go either way, but at least you could give him a gentle "nudge."
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Hmm. Now reading your updates about the messages you've already sent him, I'd just let it ride and if he contacts you, he contacts you. If not, oh well. Berrie had a great take on it.
Gremio Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 mswonderful, just went through the same thing. I have to update my thread as well. Some people handle issues differently than others. Some look for guidance, such as you for example. Others clam up and ignore everyone altogethor. If you called, texted, and messaged him, let it go for now. All you can do is for for him at this point and hope for the best. If you continue contacting him, he will see you as clingy. And to me, NO it is NOT acceptable. It drives people nuts... as you are right now!
Trialbyfire Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Don't play into the hurry up and wait game. Keep on dating.
Author mswonderful Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 mswonderful, just went through the same thing. I have to update my thread as well. Some people handle issues differently than others. Some look for guidance, such as you for example. Others clam up and ignore everyone altogethor. If you called, texted, and messaged him, let it go for now. All you can do is for for him at this point and hope for the best. If you continue contacting him, he will see you as clingy. And to me, NO it is NOT acceptable. It drives people nuts... as you are right now! Ugh, well I tried to be as cool about it as possible. I called him to say I had fun on Sunday right after our second date, he called me right back, said he does want to hang out. Then I didn't contact him til Thanksgiving, texting him a happy holiday. Then today I left a voicemail for him, but not to "talk" just to make plans...so maybe he wouldn't fear trying to have a full-on phone convo, as I know guys hate. I figured I would try because it has been 3 weeks we've been talking and i thought maybe he possibly wanted something initiated from my side. I don't mind doing that and I wanted to show my interest. Now he's being stupid!
Gremio Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Ugh, well I tried to be as cool about it as possible. I called him to say I had fun on Sunday right after our second date, he called me right back, said he does want to hang out. Then I didn't contact him til Thanksgiving, texting him a happy holiday. Then today I left a voicemail for him, but not to "talk" just to make plans...so maybe he wouldn't fear trying to have a full-on phone convo, as I know guys hate. I figured I would try because it has been 3 weeks we've been talking and i thought maybe he possibly wanted something initiated from my side. I don't mind doing that and I wanted to show my interest. Now he's being stupid! I'm curious... did he wish you happy holidays? If not, I consider than rude and inconsiderate. Since you left him a message today, just wait for him. There's nothing else you can do. BTW, I'm a male in my mid 20s and I love talking on the phone. I've talked on the phone for hours on end until the early morning with women that I've dated. I truly enjoy it as it helps you get to know them better.
berrieh Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 BTW, I'm a male in my mid 20s and I love talking on the phone. I've talked on the phone for hours on end until the early morning with women that I've dated. Heh. And I'm a girl in my 20s and hate talking on the phone (I love texting! and will text-conversate with people for awhile), but I've dated guys who liked to. One guy kept trying to call me for 2-3 hour conversations nights whenever we weren't hanging out. That relationship did not work out. You never know. Can't tell by gender anymore.
Gremio Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Heh. And I'm a girl in my 20s and hate talking on the phone (I love texting! and will text-conversate with people for awhile), but I've dated guys who liked to. One guy kept trying to call me for 2-3 hour conversations nights whenever we weren't hanging out. That relationship did not work out. You never know. Can't tell by gender anymore. Oh it certainly isn't a requirement for me. I just enjoy getting to know someone. With the girl I'm interested now, we have conversations moreso with text than the phone, since our schedules are so opposite.
Isolde Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I've realized that there is no "normal" or "acceptable" on the first several dates. I just stopped worrying about it. If I'm interested, I do what you did and let them know; if I don't get a response, I forget about it. This is why many people hate dating--the lack of forthrightness on the first few dates can be very nerve wracking, whether it is a rejection or not.
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