ActnThe8r Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 So, here's the epic saga of my "woes": This summer, I did a show with this guy, and we became friends very quickly - we have a lot in common, and we are both passionate about what we do. Well, we always flirted a lot, and I got to know him pretty well, and a few weekends ago, I was staying at his apartment to see the opera he was performing in at his university. Nothing to do on Saturday, so we hung out, talked, ended up in his bedroom cuddling, which led to making out, which led to other things, which probably would have led to sex had I not stopped him. So, last week, I got up the courage to talk to him about what happened and what it meant. He said that he did have feelings for me and what happened that day was "a lot of pent up emotion that needed to get out." He said he's never done anything like that before, and neither had I. I asked him if he wanted to date (not exclusive, but for fun), and he said that he needed to think about it. We both go to separate universities (he is 2.5 hours away, I go to school at a college nearby; we are both from the same area), and he said that might be an issue. I told him that I'm not the kind of person who has to be around someone or contacting someone 24/7, and neither is he. He did say the only other con was that "what really put the nail into the coffin" of his last relationship was that he moved too fast. He was glad that I did say something about it, and that I was more rational about the situation than other girls might have been. I'm just wondering if "let me think" means a polite no, or could it possibly mean yes? Even if he doesn't want a relationship, I don't want to lose our friendship over this.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Hmmm. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion of "no" just yet. But I'd let him make any moves from here on out.
Gremio Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I am the type who believes that a break is an end, that a "let me think" is a no. The person should know why they want, not wonder the pros and cons. I can say though that I don't see a point in the two of you dating if you are so far apart and are not looking for a relationship. It just makes me think you would be FWB when you get together. I would date people near you.
Perry Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 A lot of peole want to think about it. They don't want to jump into something so fast. It's perfectly normal. Even if he doesn't want a relationship, I don't want to lose our friendship over this. If you haven't already, maybe you should tell him that, and then just let if go, and continue going out? Suggest going out to do something as you have always done before. Let him know that this isnt a big thing for you, even though it may be. If he doesn't get back with you with an answer, well, there's your answer.
D-Jam Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Sorry...but I'm of the mind that anything that isn't a "yes" or some positively definite way of saying "yes" is a NO. If person 1 really wants to date person 2, then person 1 would accept the invitation, make hard plans, and be there. I've had women not commit to any hard plans, then blow me off. I've had them hand me "let me think about it" comments or even "I have to ask my parents" comments back when I was in COLLEGE. I've had them give me numbers and yet I never can seemingly get them on the phone. I've had them hit me with my personal favorite "I just got out of a bad RL and I want to be single for a while", then be calling some other new guy "boyfriend" 2 weeks later. It's why I don't play on uncertainty anymore. Cut and dry. Black or white. Plain and simple. Anything that doesn't definitely come out as a "yes" means NO.
Gremio Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 It's why I don't play on uncertainty anymore. Cut and dry. Black or white. Plain and simple. Anything that doesn't definitely come out as a "yes" means NO. I agree 100%. I am black and white, yes or no.
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