likestolaugh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 so here's my dillema... I've been dating/in contact with this girl for about a month and a half now. We met through a dating site (which she still updates and checks very regularly). In that time we've been on 2 fairly dates, and talked for many hours on the phone, texted a bit, and added each other on facebook. Now, the thing is, this was mostly in October... in November I've seen her once briefly (at an event she invited me to that I could only stay at for a few minutes). Throughout November we'd arranged a few times to meet up but she ended up canceling them (albeit for what seem like generally legit reasons). A lot of this (especially in the second half of the month and now) has to do with school... she's been burdened with exams and essays and her job. A couple weeks ago she told that her canceling all this time was NOT her blowing me off. This re-assured me... but I'm having a real hard time reading her interest levels. When I text her she usually responds, but not always (I don't text her that often... maybe once or twice a week recently... left a facebook wall post about 3 days ago with no response). Same for phone calls (some respond, some not). Anyway, she's indicated that as of December 2nd she'll be a lot freer (no more school stuff), and I'm really hoping she'll come through with that. She said she was looking forward to seeing my work (I'm an artist) at that time. I feel as if there might be something there, but I haven't see her nearly enough to be sure yet. I really hate for this kind of process to drag on indefinitely. I'm getting sort of mixed signals, and it's frustrating. I'm the type who either goes full in or not at all... none of this wishy-washy stuff. Like to know where I stand in other words. Maybe I just hate dating sites because of the insecurity they cause me... I dunno lol. I guess my question is how long should I let this stuff go on before I have a talk with her about making this a more regular thing/or moving on altogether...? I only date one person at a time, so I don't want to drag this out... she's said she doesn't fall for someone right away... it takes her a while to get to that point. My concern is that the longer it goes, she might be dating other people, thus minimizing my chances (again, the dating site thing lol). Cut off? or continue to see where it goes? when to ask her?
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 If she's keeping you from even looking at others and not giving you that much attention, I'd say that's a problem. I'm in the same boat as her (grad school semester coming to an end and SO much work in November), but I made time for a guy I really liked. Our first date I canceled a bunch of times because he wasn't a priority but once we really clicked, I decided to make a bit of time for him. This doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but it probably reinforces what she says about how she paces relationships... Which is different from how you pace relationships. You also have indications she's looking at others, which is fine at this stage, but different from how you date from what you say. Are you willing to wait and see and still maybe have this fizzle out? That's what you need to answer, and only you can.
Author likestolaugh Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 It's not really HER that's keeping me from looking at others... although I suppose it is.. indirectly. I just choose to not see/date more than one person at a time. Too much hassle for me... I prefer to devote myself to one person at a time. It's just a personal preference, that's all. I don't know for sure that she's dating others... and I try to not look at the dating site more than once a week. I recently saw that someone posted a testimonial for her within the past week (don't know when the date was though)... which just makes me wonder about all that "busyness"... but I can't dismiss her yet though... she did say she was excited to see my work... she wouldn't just say that unless she wanted to get together now would she...
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 It sounds to be like she wants to see you, but only on her terms. It sounds to me like she's either dating others or would be open to it. She's on the fence about you.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 It's hard for me to say on this one. She is sending a lot of mixed signals. My feelings are that no one is every too busy to not contact you back. If she is online checking her profile, but then not returning your text or calls, she isn't interested. At that point, I wouldn't care what she would have to say, I would see hear "liar, liar, liar". I get the feeling that she may be slightly interested and not have the guts to act further, or saying she wants to see your work just to be polite and not appear to be blowing you off.
Author likestolaugh Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 should I come right out and (politely) ask her? In person of course...
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 should I come right out and (politely) ask her? In person of course... Why not just wait and see how early December is, if she said she'd be freer after December 2nd? I wouldn't ask her about it neccesarily. I would just keep pursuing her and see if she begins to respond when school is over.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with berrieh. But I also have a feeling that it seems she is stringing you along, and if you wait, it's possible she could see you as a pushover.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Men and women are no different in one way. If the person is into you, they'll make time for you. I would move on, regardless if she's stringing you along or deprioritizing you.
Author likestolaugh Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Why not just wait and see how early December is, if she said she'd be freer after December 2nd? I wouldn't ask her about it neccesarily. I would just keep pursuing her and see if she begins to respond when school is over. I'm going to phone her on the night (I'm not free before then) of Dec 2nd or 3rd one way or another. I guess one of my concerns is that we haven't had enough time for her to actually BE into me... especially since she seems to be the casual type... or as I said, someone who takes a while to fall for someone. I'd like to give her that time, assuming what she said is true, and she's free-ish after Dec 2. I don't know... she just doesn't seem like the type to string someone on... and to move on, I still have to talk to her, since I'm also the type that likes closure, in to form of officially ending something. I know I sound complicated lol, but I'm really not...
Author likestolaugh Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 why would she indicate that she was excited to see my work (and by extension, me) if she had no intention to follow through? It would be simpler to just delay it even further... be even more busy... I should point out that each time she cancelled she was really apologetic... hoped that I wasn't getting annoyed...
berrieh Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 why would she indicate that she was excited to see my work (and by extension, me) if she had no intention to follow through? It would be simpler to just delay it even further... be even more busy... I should point out that each time she cancelled she was really apologetic... hoped that I wasn't getting annoyed... I don't think she's stringing you along if she's apologetic (just not that into yet, but, as you said, you haven't spent that much time together), but I don't think she's taking this thing seriously either. You've only been on a few dates, and it seems like she eases into things and checks the dating site regularly, which to me says that when she's single she stays single until she decides she really, really knows and likes a guy. She also sounds like she has her own life. All of that is great, but keep in mind that her pace/way and your pace/way may be at odds.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 you know, just talking all this out is making me feel much more at ease... there are some people who I'm willing to adapt for, and she'd be one of them... we just have too much in common for me to drop it cold turkey, unless of course that's what she wants. By the same token I'm nobody's pussy cat who they can just dangle a string in front of all day either... she has told me that she dates a lot... her friends make fun of her for it. I have no intention of just being another in the long line of casual aquaintances...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 ...and she just commented on my facebook status. Any contact without my having to initiate it is a good sign methinks. so I guess I'll just let you know how it goes as of Dec 2...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 well at least not money in my case...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 so I talked to her last night... she's busy today and tomorrow (working late), but she doesn't know her weekend schedule yet. So I figured I'd call her tomorrow after she gets off work and see if she's free on the weekend.
Gremio Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 so I talked to her last night... she's busy today and tomorrow (working late), but she doesn't know her weekend schedule yet. So I figured I'd call her tomorrow after she gets off work and see if she's free on the weekend. If she doesn't know her schedule and you're waiting on her answer, she would be contacting you if she is interested.
Star Gazer Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 so I talked to her last night... she's busy today and tomorrow (working late), but she doesn't know her weekend schedule yet. So I figured I'd call her tomorrow after she gets off work and see if she's free on the weekend. If she doesn't know her schedule and you're waiting on her answer, she would be contacting you if she is interested. I agree with Gremio. Not to mention that you can't expect to ask her out on a Friday evening for the weekend. You've had two dates in a month-and-a-half. If she were as interested as you apparently are, she'd be finding time to see you, not cancelling plans, and giving you alternative dates. Unfortunately, she's not...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 yeah, I know this... This'll be her last chance in my books anyway. If she once again doesn't appear to be free this weekend, then I'll ask her what's up, and cut ties if necessary (I'm the type who very much likes a concrete answer... one way or another). See the thing is, is she still said she'd very much like to get together...
Rebellious Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Date other girls and give her a call in a couple of months.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 She sounded very happy to hear from me last night. She sounds like she'd still like to see me. We'll see. I sense I'll see this weekend. I might broach the topic of interest level then anyway depending on how things go. Last chance anyway...
nysugarlips Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I agree with rebellious- Date other women and get back to her. Its almost like you're a puppy dog being led by her. There's still hope but don't put all your eggs in 1 basket!
Gremio Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I disagree about dating others. I don't agree with dating multiple people. Feelings can get tangled up and people can get hurt.
Author likestolaugh Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 well I'll update this after this weekend... let you know what happens. I meet lots of girls, I just haven't the energy or interest to date/see more than one at a time... ...and it's not really puppy-dogish... I live my own life, and it's not dictated by her. And, I never talk like this outside of this forum anyway...
Author likestolaugh Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 so she's now said she's free Sunday
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