Dating the Unintelligent

[Lovelybird]

you are talking about how others see Hitler. I am talking about how himself sees himself.

 

A dumbee can think a wise man is fool , just because this wise man doesn't apply this dumee's rules, or doesn't live the standards this real dumbee lives

 

who to judge who is intelligent or not? basically all human are dummees, from time to time

[belladonna]

I definitely look for a guy with rationality and street smarts..a guy who knows about the world around him. I find educational background doesn't always play a part either. For example, I know high school dropouts who are much more interesting and intelligent than some of my book smart classmates.

[movingonandon]

For a change, I want a guy whose older; a Silver Fox maybe. And have had no luck yet...

Silver fox, eh?

this here guy is badass (nevermind the oversized suit)

http://www.viceland.com/int/dd.php?id=1399

 

[Vertex]

Intelligence is extremely important to me. In the past, I used to let that little trait slide. I'd figure, "Hey, I won't be judgmental. They might have an awesome personality, etc." However, I've noticed that if your intelligence differs too much from the intelligence of the person you're with, it can cause some issues. My last girlfriend was just so incredibly illogical and not very bright, and it became increasingly frustrating to communicate with her. It was just so nerve-grating for me when she'd try to take control of a situation/argument, because bending to her wishes usually meant catering to a rationale that didn't understand the implications of the decisions she was making.

 

Intelligence comes in many forms, but at the most basic level, I see it as the ability to interpret new information and think critically. I also see it as the ability to make quick, rational decisions with sound judgment via an underlying mental maturity. When those abilities seem impaired or nonexistent, it really makes me question that person's intelligence.

 

I mean, "booksmarts" are nice, but they aren't going to make a relationship high-quality by default. I've been with girls who were very booksmart, but had fundamental flaws when it came to personality/decision-making abilities/judgment/etc... those relationships simply don't work out.

 

The person you date should probably be of comparable intelligence, since a difference that goes too far in either direction can mean bad news.

[berrieh]

The word "rational" has too many definitions to debate if anyone in particular is rational without agreeing to a definition.

 

But I will point out this: Everyone thinks they're rational, and everyone thinks most other people are irrational at times...and most people are going to appear irrational if you don't know the 'whole story.' You find yourself rational because you know the 'whole story' of you, whereas you only see bits of other people.

 

Intelligence is over-rated, Hitler is VERY intelligent, but.....

 

Actually, that wasn't neccesarily true. My 9th grade World Civ teacher was a Hitler scholar, and we spent a long unit on Hitler, including all the myths about him---the idea that he was intelligent is a myth. His IQ was likely average, potentially even below average. He did surround himself with people of high IQ and had his personal doctors report that he had an IQ (tested during the Nuremburg trials I believe) between 140-145, but that's not a credible source. He was a narcissist, after all... He was never given a proper, objective IQ test.

 

He was very charismatic and a good speaker, but not terribly intelligent. It's also possible he suffered from ADD. And he sucked in school and wasn't a very intellectually curious individual.

[sunshinegirl]

I think the problem that lies with people who are too logical, rational, or analytical for that matter lack emotional depth. Emotional depth is a very strong trait to connect with others, through humor, understanding, compassion, empathy, bonding, etc.

 

Don't get me wrong there are individuals who are highly intelligent and capable of both emotional depth and keeping up a smart conversation. Though when I was younger I always tended to be the logical and analytical guy, and never did quite understand why I didn't have a gf. My family (especially my parents) are particularly the emotionally detached bunch, so I never understood how to express myself. Over the years I've gotten a little more laid-back and embraced that other side of me and have changed a lot. The only way I can grow is if I challenge myself, and not only of others.

 

Personally I love a woman who has the right balance. Who's in touch with her emotions as well as able to think logically with her head straight and talk and laugh with me when the timing's right. I need both.

 

Great post. My ex was a great example of a guy who was logical/rational/analytical and completely lacked emotional depth. It was awful...we couldn't connect on anything beyond surface stuff because he had no feelings about anything beyond surface stuff. None that he would admit to, anyway.

[amaysngrace]

The word "rational" has too many definitions to debate if anyone in particular is rational without agreeing to a definition.

 

But I will point out this: Everyone thinks they're rational, and everyone thinks most other people are irrational at times...and most people are going to appear irrational if you don't know the 'whole story.' You find yourself rational because you know the 'whole story' of you, whereas you only see bits of other people.

 

Very good post.

 

Some people do tend to think of themselves as know-it-alls and as perfect specimens of the human race but if that is what comes with being 'rational' I'll pass. People like that bore me.

 

I'd much rather go for someone who is more down to earth and human in their own imperfections. That's someone I can get close to.

 

Besides if someone is too much of a perfectionist they will never be happy with me. And I would hate to be with someone who I am constantly walking on eggshells around for fear of their harsh judgment when I make a mistake.

 

Even if they don't vocalize it you know they are thinking it. And the last thing I want in a relationship is to have the fear of constant criticism. All just because I'm me.

[stillafool]

This Post Secret postcard today reminded me of my biggest pet peeve: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/STH3gBhaAMI/AAAAAAAAHdE/guRhP0CRh7Q/s1600-h/dummy.jpg

 

I cannot stand stupid people. And there is nothing more frustrating to me than discovering I'm on a date with a dimwit.

 

Honestly, my dating success would be much better if I could convince myself to lower my standards on this one issue. My friends think I'm too picky about intelligence. Maybe I am, because I can't seem to find a man who measures up in the brains category who I can also stand to look at.

 

How important do you rate intelligence in a mate? Dealbreaker?

 

I don't get it, couldn't you just ask them where they went to college before you go out with them? This way you will know if they are intellectually compatiable with you.

[Shygirl15]

Very good post.

 

Some people do tend to think of themselves as know-it-alls and as perfect specimens of the human race but if that is what comes with being 'rational' I'll pass. People like that bore me.

 

I'd much rather go for someone who is more down to earth and human in their own imperfections. That's someone I can get close to.

 

Besides if someone is too much of a perfectionist they will never be happy with me. And I would hate to be with someone who I am constantly walking on eggshells around for fear of their harsh judgment when I make a mistake.

 

Even if they don't vocalize it you know they are thinking it. And the last thing I want in a relationship is to have the fear of constant criticism. All just because I'm me.

Very good post.

[Els]

I think this is maybe one thing that's held me back a lot.

 

I was driving with this one girl one time, and she asked me where my last name came from. I told her it was from Iran. She says, "Ohhhhh....ok....um, where is Iran again?"

I hesitate for a second, trying to take in what I just heard. "Um...it's in the Middle East, right in between Iraq and Afghanistan."

"Yeah but WHERE is it? Like is it in Europe or something???"

 

-_-

 

Seriously, if you don't know where the f'ing Middle East is, especially in these days where every thing newsworthy and major is going on there, then you're just STUPID.

 

How does one define intelligence, in the first place? While your example would, I agree, have been a huge turn off to most people, I don't think it really speaks of intelligence or the lack of it... but rather immense ignorance and lack of knowledge. Frankly, I would consider myself quite intelligent, but I have this bad habit of really not bothering to keep up with general knowledge or the news. I think I heard about Obama's ascent to presidency about a week after it occured, and only because I asked a friend 'Have the US elections occured yet?' In (weak) defense, I do not live in the US, however.

 

Intelligence doesn't always correlate with knowledge and level of academic achievement (which is why I don't think asking the potential date where he went to college would help, either), IMO. I see intelligence, pure intelligence, as the ability to grasp and understand complex concepts, to think and analyze rationally, to solve logical problems with ease.

 

My requirements of intelligence in a potential partner is probably the only 'objective' standard I impose... and rather rigidly at that. That, along with wit, the ability to convert that intelligence into interesting and humorous conversations.

[kashmir]

How does one define intelligence, in the first place? While your example would, I agree, have been a huge turn off to most people, I don't think it really speaks of intelligence or the lack of it... but rather immense ignorance and lack of knowledge. Frankly, I would consider myself quite intelligent, but I have this bad habit of really not bothering to keep up with general knowledge or the news. I think I heard about Obama's ascent to presidency about a week after it occured, and only because I asked a friend 'Have the US elections occured yet?' In (weak) defense, I do not live in the US, however.

 

Intelligence doesn't always correlate with knowledge and level of academic achievement (which is why I don't think asking the potential date where he went to college would help, either), IMO. I see intelligence, pure intelligence, as the ability to grasp and understand complex concepts, to think and analyze rationally, to solve logical problems with ease.

 

My requirements of intelligence in a potential partner is probably the only 'objective' standard I impose... and rather rigidly at that. That, along with wit, the ability to convert that intelligence into interesting and humorous conversations.

 

Good point. I would be the type to lose track of current events and common knowledge too if I got too caught up in something else like a book or research. Being oblivious doesn't necessarily equal stupidity, but it can make someone seem a lot more stupid if they lack logic or reasoning. I'll sometimes come into class on a day of an exam and see everyone else panicking. I'll ask what the hell is wrong with them, and they'll act like I'm some freak for not knowing there's an exam. I don't really pay attention to that stuff and worry over it. But the case with not knowing where the Middle East is...come on. That's inexcusable unless you've been a hermit living in Montana your entire life.

[serial muse]

How does one define intelligence, in the first place? While your example would, I agree, have been a huge turn off to most people, I don't think it really speaks of intelligence or the lack of it... but rather immense ignorance and lack of knowledge. Frankly, I would consider myself quite intelligent, but I have this bad habit of really not bothering to keep up with general knowledge or the news. I think I heard about Obama's ascent to presidency about a week after it occured, and only because I asked a friend 'Have the US elections occured yet?' In (weak) defense, I do not live in the US, however.

 

Intelligence doesn't always correlate with knowledge and level of academic achievement (which is why I don't think asking the potential date where he went to college would help, either), IMO. I see intelligence, pure intelligence, as the ability to grasp and understand complex concepts, to think and analyze rationally, to solve logical problems with ease.

 

My requirements of intelligence in a potential partner is probably the only 'objective' standard I impose... and rather rigidly at that. That, along with wit, the ability to convert that intelligence into interesting and humorous conversations.

 

I'd say the issue with not knowing where Iran is, etc., is one of intellectual curiosity rather than intelligence per se. That kind of ignorance can only come from a severe case of not caring about things outside your immediate sphere. But the two are very often linked. So for me, too, it would amount to the same thing - if someone didn't know where Iran is, it'd be a huge turnoff because I'd interpret that person as someone who has very little intellectual curiosity, and thus, isn't likely to be engaging to talk to.

 

berrieh posted a couple of excellent (and very rational!) points...people tend to think that they themselves are rational, while others are less so, because they are privy to their own lines of reasoning while no one else is. And everyone is illiterate at something.

 

I'd just throw out there that being able to recognize that there are multiple types of intelligence is itself a sign of intelligence - at least, of a high EQ.

[berrieh]

How does one define intelligence, in the first place? While your example would, I agree, have been a huge turn off to most people, I don't think it really speaks of intelligence or the lack of it... but rather immense ignorance and lack of knowledge. Frankly, I would consider myself quite intelligent, but I have this bad habit of really not bothering to keep up with general knowledge or the news. I think I heard about Obama's ascent to presidency about a week after it occured, and only because I asked a friend 'Have the US elections occured yet?' In (weak) defense, I do not live in the US, however.

 

Intelligence doesn't always correlate with knowledge and level of academic achievement (which is why I don't think asking the potential date where he went to college would help, either), IMO. I see intelligence, pure intelligence, as the ability to grasp and understand complex concepts, to think and analyze rationally, to solve logical problems with ease.

 

My requirements of intelligence in a potential partner is probably the only 'objective' standard I impose... and rather rigidly at that. That, along with wit, the ability to convert that intelligence into interesting and humorous conversations.

 

I think there are components of intelligence:

• Knowledge. No one will have perfect knowledge, of course, and different people will value different kinds of knowledge on different subjects. Some people value geography and political knowledge, other value scientific knowledge, some philosophical knowledge, others maybe movie trivia---who knows? At any rate, I think 'smart' people and those who consider 'smarts' prefer people with similar knowledge to themselves and additional knowledge on subjects they haven't yet learned, so speaking to each other can be a learning experience as well.
  
• Articulation and wit. The ability to be entertaining while synthesyzing ideas. This is one I particularly value.
  
• Literacy. The ability and desire to read, write, and speak well, as well as problem solve and interpret visual data. Another one I particularly look for, though everyone is illiterate at something!
  
• Problem-solving, critical thinking, and decision-making skills. I have a feeling this is where those who like the 'rational' aspect of intelligence were going with that.
  
• Intuition. The ability to understand and empathize with people, understanding the innate nature of things.
  
• Creativity. The ability to look at things from a new perspective and adapt new ideas.
  

There are probably more, but that's what I came up with so far...

 

But you're right: Intelligence is a varied thing.

[Trialbyfire]

Haha...love it. A debate about definitions! Pure LS!

 

Everyone has different needs. My needs are an intelligent and rational mind without being overly-sensitive or overly-emotional.

 

I'm sure everyone else has different needs. I will point out that sometimes, women expect men to think and feel like women. It's not going to happen very often ladies!

[flc]

I don't necessarily agree that intelligence displaces emotions but I think that in some areas of study there is an emphasis on removing emotions from the equation. I am educated in the sciences and from day 1 you are taught to keep your personal bias and emotions outside of your experiment so as not to influence outcomes.

 

After years of both study and work I now find myself very analytical and frequently this can come off as cold and uncaring. While my feelings are there I find myself keeping them behind the curtain while I analyze situations. This works well in business but not so well in love.

[freckles73]

People sure have strong opinions on this topic. Look what I started!

 

Personally, intellectual curiosity is at the top of my wish list in a mate, as well as the ability to "grasp" new concepts fairly quickly.

[movingonandon]

The word "rational" has too many definitions to debate if anyone in particular is rational without agreeing to a definition.

 

 

Absolutely not true! The word "rational" has only one meaning and it is that an individual's actions are consistent with his or her underlying preference structure. (e.g. suicide bombers are rational). End of story .

[Angel1111]

People always see me as being more intelligent than I think I am. I think they give me too much credit. Regardless, I do appreciate intellects a great deal. I was once with a guy who was less intelligent than me. After awhile, it made me nuts. That'll never happen again. Then I was with a guy who had an IQ of 170. He was a freakin' genius. But he was so emotionally immature that he was impossible to live with. But he was incredibly funny and I was sad that didn't work out. Then I met a guy who was not just intelligent, but driven, responsible, funny, wise, etc. Bingo! Oh....and married. Whoops.

 

I had dinner recently with a guy who created one of the biggest internet businesses in existence today. No kidding. He's an aquaitance of someone I know and he and his wife were in town. This guy was amazing and super, super intelligent. But his personality was equally amazing - very unassuming, caring, kind, funny. He's so rich that it's not even comprehensible to me, but I think what really impressed me was his genuine caring for people and his great mind. When there's a huge imbalance with a person - great mind, rotten personality - it doesn't work. I admire great minds completely so I had a great time meeting this man. And we hit it off really well because we're both cynically funny.

 

It's not possible for me to be with someone who isn't at least slightly above average intelligent, but the guy doesn't have to be a mega-genius either. Just somewhere in between with a balanced personality would thrill me.

[kashmir]

For the record, IQ scores mean nil. Everyone I know claims to have a score of at least 140, which is utter bullcrap. The test is either really inaccurate or everybody lies.