freckles73 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 This Post Secret postcard today reminded me of my biggest pet peeve: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_a7jkcMVp5Vg/STH3gBhaAMI/AAAAAAAAHdE/guRhP0CRh7Q/s1600-h/dummy.jpg I cannot stand stupid people. And there is nothing more frustrating to me than discovering I'm on a date with a dimwit. Honestly, my dating success would be much better if I could convince myself to lower my standards on this one issue. My friends think I'm too picky about intelligence. Maybe I am, because I can't seem to find a man who measures up in the brains category who I can also stand to look at. How important do you rate intelligence in a mate? Dealbreaker?
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Male, mid 20s here. I am extremely picky when it comes to women. I am an intellectual person. My best friends are in their late 20s and 30s, which leads me to dating older women, as more often than not they are more mature. I'm with you on this one. Never settle.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Intelligence is high on my list of priorities. My question to you is, why are you dating men who aren't what you want?
Author freckles73 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 That's funny, Gremio. We "older" women (at least the ones in my social circle) have noticed lately that we get more attention from men your age then from men our own age. Most often the young guys will go on and on about how our brains are a huge turn on for them. I wonder if things have always been this way, or if this is something new in your generation.
Author freckles73 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Intelligence is high on my list of priorities. My question to you is, why are you dating men who aren't what you want? I don't. It's why I sometimes go through long periods of datelessness. My standards for intelligence in a man also include that their mind be terribly complicated, which often leads to dating very intelligent neurotic head-cases (not unlike myself). But that's a whole other thread.
sunshinegirl Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I can't be with guys who are less smart than me... I won't respect them and I'll get bored. And I'm sure I'd be no picnic for them either. But it's got to come in a package that I'm attracted to. I've had a couple of dates recently with definitely smart men, but men I wouldn't want to kiss if they were the last ones on earth.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I don't. It's why I sometimes go through long periods of datelessness. My standards for intelligence in a man also include that their mind be terribly complicated, which often leads to dating very intelligent neurotic head-cases (not unlike myself). But that's a whole other thread. Oh baby, you're in for it good!
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Intelligence (along with a smart sense of humor that keeps me laughing) is probably my #1 requirement, and I wouldn't dream of compromising. Looks are gonna go (though I want someone I'm attracted to, of course), but the person you marry, you're going to be talking with forever. So, I figure it'd better be someone smart enough to keep me interesting in talking with him! I'm a pretty girl, but not a princess (def girl-next-door), so I get a lot of my attention through my brain as well. I know lots of guys who are into smart women as well. I'm smart, quick-witted, and curious, so I need someone who's on the same level.
kashmir Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I think this is maybe one thing that's held me back a lot. I was driving with this one girl one time, and she asked me where my last name came from. I told her it was from Iran. She says, "Ohhhhh....ok....um, where is Iran again?" I hesitate for a second, trying to take in what I just heard. "Um...it's in the Middle East, right in between Iraq and Afghanistan." "Yeah but WHERE is it? Like is it in Europe or something???" -_- Seriously, if you don't know where the f'ing Middle East is, especially in these days where every thing newsworthy and major is going on there, then you're just STUPID.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 That's funny, Gremio. We "older" women (at least the ones in my social circle) have noticed lately that we get more attention from men your age then from men our own age. Most often the young guys will go on and on about how our brains are a huge turn on for them. I wonder if things have always been this way, or if this is something new in your generation. I may have been my upbringing. My father was very much older than I was and had me late in his life. In high school, my friends were two classes above me. Now in my life, my friends are around 30+. I'm not too sure what it was, but I cannot stand the immature mindset. The late teens/early 20s "lets get drunk!" mindset. I think it is just ludicrous and I cringe thinking about our society in the future knowing what the younger generation (hell, I'm still young) is like now. Don't get me wrong, I must have other things as well. My last LTR, the girl I was with was gorgeous. 104lbs, size 0, blonde hair, blue eyes, and had a bachelors in education, great career, good money, etc. I initially thought of her as perfect, but after learning more about her over time, I realized that she had no street smarts. The type who always had to have reassurance, who couldn't think on her feet. That turned me off, and is actually what led me to end the relationship. I had everything I wanted in a woman... but I didn't.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I can't be with guys who are less smart than me... I won't respect them and I'll get bored. And I'm sure I'd be no picnic for them either. But it's got to come in a package that I'm attracted to. I've had a couple of dates recently with definitely smart men, but men I wouldn't want to kiss if they were the last ones on earth. Did you feel that way before or after the date?
sunshinegirl Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Did you feel that way before or after the date? Ha - both before and after. I gave it a chance b/c I was open to changing my mind. Yep, he was smart, and conversation was pretty interesting, but nope, at the end I still didn't want to kiss him. I agree with the poster who said that you have to find someone you can talk to for a lifetime. My last boyfriend was an extreme introvert and almost never initiated conversation. To have lived with him for a lifetime would have been torture - I don't want to be the only person who can start and sustain an interesting conversation in a relationship! Strangely, though, he was smart as a whip and very very good looking. Which I guess goes to show that smarts may be an important quality to look for, but it's not the only important quality.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Ha - both before and after. I gave it a chance b/c I was open to changing my mind. Yep, he was smart, and conversation was pretty interesting, but nope, at the end I still didn't want to kiss him. I agree with the poster who said that you have to find someone you can talk to for a lifetime. My last boyfriend was an extreme introvert and almost never initiated conversation. To have lived with him for a lifetime would have been torture - I don't want to be the only person who can start and sustain an interesting conversation in a relationship! Strangely, though, he was smart as a whip and very very good looking. Which I guess goes to show that smarts may be an important quality to look for, but it's not the only important quality. Agreed. Did you happen to read the last paragraph in my reply right before yours? My ex was the same. I had to ininiate everything. I had to do the thinking. Then when I said let's do what you want to do, the reply back was "well whatever you want to do". Gah!
Ronni_W Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 include that their mind be terribly complicated, which often leads to dating very intelligent neurotic head-cases (not unlike myself). Hhmmm...so if we spun the whole thing around...is it that we don't want the, er, less intellectual among us, to discover that we are, at our most lovable cores, just a bunch of neurotic head-cases??? But. When you do find one with a 'beautiful mind', could you please enquire if he has a brother (or uncle or grandfather)...and send them my way?
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 But isn't a complicated mind an excuse for being confused?
Ronni_W Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 But isn't a complicated mind an excuse for being confused? No, no. Being confused is an excuse for, etc., etc.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 No, no. Being confused is an excuse for, etc., etc. But that's just it. Any complicated guy I've ever had the displeasure to date have been nothing but heartache and uncertainty, due to confusion which equates to excuses for etc, etc, etc...
Ronni_W Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Hhmmm. On my side, majority of the uncomplicated ones have proven not so much pleasure either, and come with their own set of confused excuses. "Houston, we have a dilemma."
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 "Houston, we have a dilemma." Yes, yes, we do. So, it's not only a case of finding men with the right level of intelligence, it's also a need for the complicated man. Easy street, it's not going to be!
CarrieT Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 That's funny, Gremio. We "older" women (at least the ones in my social circle) have noticed lately that we get more attention from men your age then from men our own age. Most often the young guys will go on and on about how our brains are a huge turn on for them. I wonder if things have always been this way, or if this is something new in your generation. Too funny -- Being in my early 40s, I seem to ONLY attract guys in their 30s and younger. And my last three were younger than me (from a few years to whole decade). For a change, I want a guy whose older; a Silver Fox maybe. And have had no luck yet...
Author freckles73 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Their minds are riddled with turmoil and the hamster is always busy spinning the treadmill. They spend so much time trying to stuff new knowledge into their cranium and have a million projects going on at the same time. So much going on that they get very little done in actuality. Yep, this is me. And it's the same kind of head-case that I'm attracted to.
Humbleman Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Intelligence doesn't play as larger role in my priorities as it does for others. I like arm candy not a mathematician.
Ronni_W Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Yikes!!! Freckles, you described me too well. Except I'm attracted to the uncomplicated ones, as just revealed to TBF. I think pro'ly cos I'm afraid my brain would explode if there was another one of 'me' in the room. That dilemma just becomes more and more, er, dilemmarous!
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I think it's harder to find uncomplicated intelligent people. Though they are some of my favorites. And I'm trying to de-complicate myself and become one.
Author freckles73 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Yikes!!! Freckles, you described me too well. Except I'm attracted to the uncomplicated ones, as just revealed to TBF. I think pro'ly cos I'm afraid my brain would explode if there was another one of 'me' in the room. That dilemma just becomes more and more, er, dilemmarous! I dated one of me once. You're right, there usually is an explosion. Either an explosive argument, or an explosion of fireworks in bed. It was all made worse by the fact that we are both incredibly stubborn. Eh...at least the sex was great.
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