Spinning Head Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I'd appreciate anyone's suggestions/comments on this topic. My H and I have been separated about four months. My H asked me last week what I was getting my dad for Christmas as he wanted to put about $40 towards the gift and put his name on the gift. I told H that I did not know what I was giving my dad at this point. My H remarked that he would get a gift on his own for my dad and mom. I asked H why he was giving my parents a gift for Christmas to which H responded that he believed my parents would give him a gift. I asked H if his mother and his family members were giving me a gift for Christmas to which he responded he did not know and I would have to ask them. I did not plan to give my H's family a gift for Christmas. I have not had contact with my H's family in several months (even before the separation) except for their attendance at my children's birthday parties. My question is: Do I need to purchase my H's family members Christmas gifts? I have no plans to visit them over the holidays. I would imagine my children will visit them whenever my H decides to take them. I had thought of putting my children's school pictures in frames and giving those as gifts, but, other than that, I had no plans to get them anything.
mark982 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 might not hurt to get them something small. they will remaine in your life as the grandparents.sorta keep the peace so to speak.
amaysngrace Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I would get them gifts from the kids only unless there is a chance of reconciling with your husband. If you are planning to divorce then I would say no. Just from the kids. If you two are heading for divorce I would ask your mom not to get him anything. Then relay the message to him. But if you are planning to go visit with him on Christmas Day then get gifts for whoever you usually get gifts for in his family. That way you avoid an awkward situation for yourself.
What Now Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I think nicely framed pics of the kids is a great idea. I don't think you need to do anything else.....
Curmudgeon Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I think nicely framed pics of the kids is a great idea. I don't think you need to do anything else..... I totally agree! We do purchase gifts for my former mother-in-law (just turned 91) but I've known her since I was six years old, she was my MIL for 25 years and still thinks of me as her son-in-law, she's my five children's only surviving grandparent and she likes my wife more than she likes her daughter -- the one I've been divorced from for 14 years. I can appreciate that!
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I had thought of putting my children's school pictures in frames and giving those as gifts, but, other than that, I had no plans to get them anything. Since you have kids, I think this is a wonderful idea. Beyond that, especially if you want to maintain distance, avoid exchanging gifts. It makes it much more difficult to separate.
n9688m Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Huh? You are getting divorced. Manure might be an appropraite gift. That's about it.
What Now Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Ease up....she didn't divorce the kids grandparents!!
n9688m Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Ease up....she didn't divorce the kids grandparents!! She is going through a separation - the less contact with her STBXH the better and that includes his family.
badbrit Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 She is going through a separation - the less contact with her STBXH the better and that includes his family. grow up, seriously, grow up then come back when you are an adult. These people are innocent and are the grandparents to her children and that relationship is VERY important to those children or at least it normally is and should be. How about this little bit of grown up thinking Mr Bitter N9688M, Children come first, everything for them comes first, as their parents we often do things we do not want to do, sacrifice something of ourselves, do the right thing through putting out children first. What a total bitter and twisted person you continue to portray yourself as
n9688m Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 These people are innocent and are the grandparents to her children and that relationship is VERY important to those children or at least it normally is and should be. Giving or not giving them a Christmas present does not change that relationship. Children come first, everything for them comes first, as their parents we often do things we do not want to do, sacrifice something of ourselves, do the right thing through putting out children first If that were true then there would be a lot less divorce in the world. Absent abuse or neglect, divorce is by definition a selfish act which puts children last, not first. What a total bitter and twisted person you continue to portray yourself as Principled - Not bitter, not twisted.
badbrit Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Principled - Not bitter, not twisted. Principled? Yeah, whatever, go read your reply again. Manure??? Why? How is that principled? You were not just talking about a christmas present, you were making a bad attitude show and suggesting this person should also have that attitude. Why manure? What do you think her children's grandparents have done to deserve that? You are a total bigoted, short sighted, bitter and twisted individual
2sure Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 My ex and I sperated when our daughter was very small. Because she saw both her father and his family at XMas I would purchase all of them small gifts from her every year. Now, I know this sounds ok amd good maybe BUT: At some point I realized that it should be HIS job to buy gifts from daughter for his family. I always made sure she had birthday and fathers day gifts to give him. He never reciprocated. Buying and shopping for all of these gifts bacame MY job. When he remarried, the new wife and her daughter were added to my list because my daughter wanted to give them gifts. DONT TAKE IT ON.
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