jerbear Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Haha, Jerbear, I would love for you guys to check it out and give me an outsider's perspective but unfortunately that would be giving away my true identity ... Fellow LS'ers, please stop me before I start overanalyzing!! I've done a pretty good job the last few days of not thinking too much about it. Other than starting this thread, lol. Your secret identity is safe with me. Stop overanalyzing and focus on your career. I know what DC is like and there are people in DC who want it all and have a career. The next few weeks will be interesting in DC when the administration changes. DC is one of them cities that change every 4/8 years. Different people move in and out so it is hard to have a relationship when that is looming over your head. Relationships do still happen but usually not during administration changes.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Yes, we have been talking about the potential new dating pool with the new administration. Hopefully Obama will bring in some cuties! :love:
jerbear Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Yes, we have been talking about the potential new dating pool with the new administration. Hopefully Obama will bring in some cuties! :love: No, they will be focusing on their careers! :laugh: I considered going back to DC.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 So you used to live here? Then you know!
Isolde Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 CB 35, I'm inexperienced and young, but reading about your experiences makes me wonder... Are you just meeting the completely wrong pool of people for you? I feel like you've been so caught up in the DC scene that you haven't looked elsewhere. Now, I am not suggesting a long distance relationship. However, you yourself say DC is the worst place for someone in your position. I can think of two things that could possibly help, or at least get you out of the DC bubble: 1) Meet people from surrounding areas, perhaps online? or 2) Consider relocation, not now, but in a few years, to a more laid back city. Being so settled in one place can cause people to unwittingly believe that they've explored all their options, when in truth... they haven't. I get the feeling that you are dating one consistent type-- professionals who take themselves too seriously and fear commitment-- so you've already pretty much identified the problem, which is a culture and mindset that you don't necessarily feel completely comfortable with. Again, I'm not saying you should necessarily move just to find someone, but, if the DC area truly is out of sync with your life goals, then why live there? I don't know if this makes sense, but it's the only piece of advice I can come up with, being, as I said, young and inexperienced!
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Personally I think internet dating has gone downhill. Someone had mentioned that it's just a way of keeping tabs, of which I think applies to almost every dating site, be they just FB and MS. People are not socially obligated to stay committed because the only connection is a computer window they can turn off in an instant. What I want to know is CB, did he ask for your number first or had he asked for your FB account first? I think that's very important because it shows he's willing to communicate like a normal human being ( of which has been hard to find as of late). Please try not to worry so much about the so- called " curse". It's just nerves on your part.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 CB 35, I'm inexperienced and young, but reading about your experiences makes me wonder... Are you just meeting the completely wrong pool of people for you? I feel like you've been so caught up in the DC scene that you haven't looked elsewhere. Now, I am not suggesting a long distance relationship. However, you yourself say DC is the worst place for someone in your position. I can think of two things that could possibly help, or at least get you out of the DC bubble: 1) Meet people from surrounding areas, perhaps online? or 2) Consider relocation, not now, but in a few years, to a more laid back city. Being so settled in one place can cause people to unwittingly believe that they've explored all their options, when in truth... they haven't. I get the feeling that you are dating one consistent type-- professionals who take themselves too seriously and fear commitment-- so you've already pretty much identified the problem, which is a culture and mindset that you don't necessarily feel completely comfortable with. Again, I'm not saying you should necessarily move just to find someone, but, if the DC area truly is out of sync with your life goals, then why live there? I don't know if this makes sense, but it's the only piece of advice I can come up with, being, as I said, young and inexperienced! Good points, Isolde. You may be young but you are wise. The truth is, I have thought about moving because of this. I know I'm a much more laid back person and I really work to live, not live to work. I have spent chunks of time in other countries and states that have more of this attitude and I feel that there could be places that are a better fit. However....life becomes complicated when you are older. I own a condo, and I'm certainly not going to try to sell in this environment. The job market where I live is very advantageous to me and the pay is siginificantly higher than in other cities. Even controlling for cheaper living expenses, I still make more. I have a very ingrained social circle and I know a lot of people, so I feel very established and home here for that reason. I'm never lonely, there's always someone around if I want them to be So even if I managed to sell my place and make a little money, and get a decent job, I would be terrified to go somewhere new this late in the game. I moved around a lot when I was younger, but I had less invested in the places I was leaving. Plus, it seems strange that a 35+ woman would be picking up and planting herself in completely new territory. I don't know. That is a tough one that I struggle with a lot. Yet another thing to stress about. You have mentioned one thing that I've been thinking about recently. I usually only date guys within the District. I think that if I expanded my dating pool to VA/MD, then I may have a better chance of meeting someone who actually wants a relationship. I have two friends who met guys in Virginia recently from online, and the guys are GREAT. I may try online again in the spring. I hate it though. I need to be in a better mindframe for that. See....???? If I had a relationship then a lot of the things I worry about would not be issues. I would not be thinking, did I make a mistake by moving here? Should I leave? If I had an R I would not be constantly thinking about all the new places I need to go to meet new people. I would not be thinking about having to join new clubs or whatever. I would not have to worry about being old and alone with 82 cats. I could just be me!!
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Personally I think internet dating has gone downhill. Someone had mentioned that it's just a way of keeping tabs, of which I think applies to almost every dating site, be they just FB and MS. People are not socially obligated to stay committed because the only connection is a computer window they can turn off in an instant. What I want to know is CB, did he ask for your number first or had he asked for your FB account first? I think that's very important because it shows he's willing to communicate like a normal human being ( of which has been hard to find as of late). Please try not to worry so much about the so- called " curse". It's just nerves on your part. Thanks, Papercuts. I, too, think this has a lot to do with my nerves. He asked for the number first. The FB thing didn't come up until we had gone out for the first time. He called today, so I thought that was good. Still not sure if that was really about the office, or if it was an excuse to talk. Still, he didn't need to tell me about it since it has nothing to with me (as far as work goes).
Isolde Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Good points, Isolde. You may be young but you are wise. The truth is, I have thought about moving because of this. I know I'm a much more laid back person and I really work to live, not live to work. I have spent chunks of time in other countries and states that have more of this attitude and I feel that there could be places that are a better fit. However....life becomes complicated when you are older. I own a condo, and I'm certainly not going to try to sell in this environment. The job market where I live is very advantageous to me and the pay is siginificantly higher than in other cities. Even controlling for cheaper living expenses, I still make more. I have a very ingrained social circle and I know a lot of people, so I feel very established and home here for that reason. I'm never lonely, there's always someone around if I want them to be So even if I managed to sell my place and make a little money, and get a decent job, I would be terrified to go somewhere new this late in the game. I moved around a lot when I was younger, but I had less invested in the places I was leaving. Plus, it seems strange that a 35+ woman would be picking up and planting herself in completely new territory. I don't know. That is a tough one that I struggle with a lot. Yet another thing to stress about. You have mentioned one thing that I've been thinking about recently. I usually only date guys within the District. I think that if I expanded my dating pool to VA/MD, then I may have a better chance of meeting someone who actually wants a relationship. I have two friends who met guys in Virginia recently from online, and the guys are GREAT. I may try online again in the spring. I hate it though. I need to be in a better mindframe for that. See....???? If I had a relationship then a lot of the things I worry about would not be issues. I would not be thinking, did I make a mistake by moving here? Should I leave? If I had an R I would not be constantly thinking about all the new places I need to go to meet new people. I would not be thinking about having to join new clubs or whatever. I would not have to worry about being old and alone with 82 cats. I could just be me!! Uh-huh, it is tricky to move. But it's good to know that other places might be a better fit, not just dating wise but overall. Something to think about, that's all I meant. I think dating guys from the suburbs is a FANTASTIC idea. I've heard lots of stories of people living in the center of big cities that had really bad dating experiences for the same reasons you mentioned--commitophobia, self centred, materialistic attitudes, overprofessionalization and so forth. You sound like such a nice, calm, caring person, CB. I am SURE that you'll find someone. It might be later than ideal, but you WILL. How can you not?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 See....???? If I had a relationship then a lot of the things I worry about would not be issues. I would not be thinking, did I make a mistake by moving here? Should I leave? If I had an R I would not be constantly thinking about all the new places I need to go to meet new people. I would not be thinking about having to join new clubs or whatever. I would not have to worry about being old and alone with 82 cats. I could just be me!! hahaha CB, I wouldn't see you as a spinster. Society tend to stereotype working women as the kind of people willing to sacrifice love and relationships four work. In a way you're kind of settling yourself to that frame of mind. What you need to do is step out of your social circle for a bit and maybe go on a vacation? I heard great romances spring up from meeting that special stranger. Or I'm just being too much of a romantic.
jerbear Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 So you used to live here? Then you know! The thing is DC is not like other cities where one can just find someone, marry, settle then grow old. The goes through cycles every election with appointments, resignations, etc... the staff that comes and goes are focus on career and meeting and greeting; the next step. Not the relationship step but career. DC is a mix of professionals, military, gov bureaucrats, and not many natives; the city's mentality is just different. It is easier for a guy to find someone in DC then move out of the city. OH well... expanding your range may help but just don't drive on 66 during rush hour. Don't get me wrong, I would move there and pursue a career and maybe a wife, I mean life.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 You sound like such a nice, calm, caring person, CB. I am SURE that you'll find someone. It might be later than ideal, but you WILL. How can you not? Awww....you're so sweet!!! :rolleyes: I think TrialbyFire once said that she thought I would meet someone within the next two years. Hope springs eternal!
jerbear Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I think TrialbyFire once said that she thought I would meet someone within the next two years. Hope springs eternal! You're a great gal, I'll second the within two years. I'll even go and say by end of 2009.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 hahaha CB, I wouldn't see you as a spinster. Society tend to stereotype working women as the kind of people willing to sacrifice love and relationships four work. In a way you're kind of settling yourself to that frame of mind. What you need to do is step out of your social circle for a bit and maybe go on a vacation? I heard great romances spring up from meeting that special stranger. Or I'm just being too much of a romantic. Haha! Spinster has got to be one of the the very worst words in the English language. Who made that up? The very word sounds ugly. I did meet someone last year on vacation...it was very romantic...until I found out he was married!!! Also, who are these women that society stereotypes as so focused on work that they are willing to sacrifice love? I seriously don't know anyone like that, even the ones who are really ambitious in their careers. They still want a dude!
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 You're a great gal, I'll second the within two years. I'll even go and say by end of 2009. Yeah, let's go with that! :rolleyes: You are very right about this city. It is a different animal. Sometimes an elephant, sometimes a donkey.... It is a very exciting place to live, sometimes though. I do like a lot about DC, and I'm very happy in my neighborhood. Plus we have the best airport. It's so close, the metro drops you off right in front, and the lines are never very long! Speaking of Metro...that is one reason I've stuck to dating locally. I don't have a car, and it takes too dang long to get anywhere by Metro! Getting to the station, changing trains, blah blah.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Haha! Spinster has got to be one of the the very worst words in the English language. Who made that up? The very word sounds ugly. I did meet someone last year on vacation...it was very romantic...until I found out he was married!!! Also, who are these women that society stereotypes as so focused on work that they are willing to sacrifice love? I seriously don't know anyone like that, even the ones who are really ambitious in their careers. They still want a dude! Gosh CB I wasn't trying to offend you, but if you give me some time, I could try to find out the origin of the word. Sorry to hear about the " married man" I guess the whole vacation idea just isn't what it's cracked up to be. I can't come up with an example just yet, but does Elizabeth the first count? lol I dk, maybe I have my facts wrong, but if you think about it, most women do put their careers first ahead of finding a man.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 I knew you weren't calling me a spinster, so no offense taken! I guess what I'm saying about the career thing is that you hear people saying that women want a career at the EXPENSE of a relationship. Most women I know, even the ambitious ones, want both.
Isolde Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Haha! Spinster has got to be one of the the very worst words in the English language. Who made that up? The very word sounds ugly. I did meet someone last year on vacation...it was very romantic...until I found out he was married!!! Also, who are these women that society stereotypes as so focused on work that they are willing to sacrifice love? I seriously don't know anyone like that, even the ones who are really ambitious in their careers. They still want a dude! I know, seriously! It's so annoying! I don't know anyone like that... besides, everyone is working hard and long hours these days, just to survive.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Yeah, seriously! You can't mess around in this economy!
Isolde Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Yeah, seriously! You can't mess around in this economy! And also, what are women supposed to do before meeting the "right person?" Deliberately stay at the lowest possible level in their jobs? I'm not going to be an exec myself, for many reasons, but that doesn't mean I can't engage in work I find fairly meaningful. People are silly. I'm off to study
Isolde Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Gosh CB I wasn't trying to offend you, but if you give me some time, I could try to find out the origin of the word. Sorry to hear about the " married man" I guess the whole vacation idea just isn't what it's cracked up to be. I can't come up with an example just yet, but does Elizabeth the first count? lol I dk, maybe I have my facts wrong, but if you think about it, most women do put their careers first ahead of finding a man. It might seem that way because they often work on their careers first (chronologically). That doesn't mean they *care* more about their careers. They just know they can't depend on someone else to support them in today's world.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Good luck. I don't miss that at all.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Sorry, you took my sentence out of context. It's mostly my fault I wasn't clear. I was implying that most people ( even women) have a hard time trying to balance a successful job with a relationship without any sort of consequences resulting from it. There's always sacrifices to be made.
Author Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 For sure. I for one would not want a full time career and children. I honestly don't know how people do it. I would be sent to the insane asylum.
berrieh Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I was implying that most people ( even women) have a hard time trying to balance a successful job with a relationship without any sort of consequences resulting from it. There's always sacrifices to be made. I don't think it's neccesarily that jobs impede relationships (though some do), because I know lots of people with great jobs AND great relationships. But I have to say my dating life has improved immensely since I left my "great" job (well, got laid off of one in March that was actually "great" high powered etc and left the decent one I had found 72 hours after getting laid off) and went back to grad school. Now, I work in a restaurant and volunteer and go to grad school--still busy--but I feel much "lighter" and "less serious." I think careers sometimes impede dating if you take them too seriously -(attitude-wise, not doing well) in terms of how they define you. And also sometimes they become an "outlet" for your energy because want a relationship but don't go out and cultivate it. But, really, I think it's easier to have a good relationship if you have more things in your life, including a good career or some sort of purpose. Maybe just me! P.S. Of course by the time I have kids, I hope to make my own hours (counseling track now). Kids are a different matter. Though I think being a working Mom is awesome and sets a great example, so I would never stop working personally.
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