Am i clueless..update! Wow! From tonight

[SierraRose]

Thank you everyone for your input. It is much appreciated!

 

Now, get this.... my MM W is nuts....I have had NC for 2 1/2 months.

 

I have a blog page about my thoughts on life....I also have a Myspace...Apparently his W checks up on me...Out of the blue...she left a nasty comment on my blog page (good thing I was still awake and got the email!) Calling me all sorts of names... I don't have that many friends on My Space, but someone has been all over my page! (there is a visitor counter) I wonder who?

 

I see that she is obsessed with me. I guess counciling isn't working? WTF?

[wildsoul]

Yeesh. Although I'm an OW here too, I think it's rude to call the BS "nuts," and snidely say that therapy isn't working. I'm not trying to take a swipe at you, but have you tried imagining being in her shoes?

 

The first thing that occurred to me is that her H might be having another affair, with someone else, and that she suspects it's you. Or perhaps your name came up via the family who wants you 2 to be together.

 

Writing nasty comments on your blog is wrong. I don't support her doing that! And I'm also glad you were able to delete it before it got read by others.

 

Her actions aren't okay, but her getting triggered might not be out of the blue. Also, don't you think it's interesting that after all this time, you're getting upset about it again (which is why you're here, which is a good place to work it out) but then SHE is also getting triggered? What is that about? Did your blog allude to something or is this just a coincidence that you're both activated now?

[SierraRose]

I have not had any contact with MM. I have not contacted the W. She is looking into my life.

It has been almost 3 months. I respect his decision to be with W. I will not challenge that; however, if you challenge me??? NOT IN MY HOUSE... I will chew u up and spit u out....

[pelicanpreacher]

That's because she harbors the same question I asked earlier...

 

"Do you still light a candle and keep an open door"!

 

Your answer, by the way, was quite slippery for it never definitively answered the question, did it?!

[SierraRose]

No matter how I feel has no bearing on the situation. I have NC. Almost 3 months later and I am still a threat to her. Those vibes aren't coming from me! She is attacking me from left field. I emailed her back and called MM cell telling him to keep his wife on a leash. I want no problems, but if she wants ugly, I can certainly give it to her!

[Geishawhelk]

SierraRose, I hate to sound unkind, but - suck it up.

All actions have consequences.

You had an affair with a MM, and now it's coming back atcha.

 

She's venting and taking out her rage.

On you.

Grow big shoulders, and deal with it.

Life's tough, and even though you might be NC, it's actually not been that long, and obviously, she still hurts.

In my opinion, these websites are a breeding ground for trouble and problems.

I'd delete your accounts.

Or shut them down, really I would.

Because if she can access it, so can he.

That's not NC. That's "I'm not available, right now....."

 

Close off all avenues, and do not respond. (not saying you have, just being constructive).

 

If this amount of upset is caused by your A, I'm afraid you're going to have to accept the aftershocks.

 

Big time.

For as long as it takes.

[frannie]

No matter how I feel has no bearing on the situation. I have NC. Almost 3 months later and I am still a threat to her. Those vibes aren't coming from me! She is attacking me from left field. I emailed her back and called MM cell telling him to keep his wife on a leash. I want no problems, but if she wants ugly, I can certainly give it to her!

 

SR, two and a half to three months is no time at all from d-day. Your MM's W will be going through only the first stages of shock and pain from his betrayal, and it will last in all probability for years. You say you are writing about your thoughts and life, which is bound to provoke a reaction from her, anything will provoke her if she looks. And the temptation for her to look will be massive.

 

To me, it sounds like you're enjoying the attention too much, and barely considering how all this has affected her. To you, she's the one preventing you from being with the man you love, and who loves you and is 'trapped' by this unreasonable woman. It's so easy to focus on her, in the same way that she is focusing on you; you can both blame the other for the actions of this MM, who meanwhile gets off pretty much scot free. That's the beauty of it all for him!

 

What she's doing is perfectly understandable. She'll probably keep doing it until it no longer serves her purposes of venting and blaming you for his actions. How long that will take..? Well, how long will it take til you stop focusing on her, and start looking at his shoddy behaviour instead? Only then will you both be able to move on.

[whichwayisup]

Block her or make a new account. Since you only have afew friends on your list, it won't be a big hassle to change it and let them know.

I emailed her back and called MM cell telling him to keep his wife on a leash.

 

Would've been better to ignore. You may have opened pandora's box by contacting both of them.

 

Just keep in mind that you helped create this situation, you had a helping hand in the affair and yes, he is married to her - But you involved yourself in her husbands life. So, these are consquences..Deal with them, instead of being hateful and disrespectful towards his wife, try putting yourself in her shoes. ANyway, just go on with your life.

[Reggie]

No matter how I feel has no bearing on the situation. I have NC. Almost 3 months later and I am still a threat to her. Those vibes aren't coming from me! She is attacking me from left field. I emailed her back and called MM cell telling him to keep his wife on a leash. I want no problems, but if she wants ugly, I can certainly give it to her!

 

3 months is nothing in the healing process. I'm sure she is still suffering big time. You are a vindictive type, eh?

[LucreziaBorgia]

If you thought that someone came into your life uninvited and f*cked things up royally, wouldn't you want to find out as much about them as you can in order to f*ck their life up too?

 

It is a natural reaction. When you finally put a face on an enemy, you do whatever you can to find as much out about them as possible in order to hand them back the pain that they dealt out.

 

if you challenge me??? NOT IN MY HOUSE... I will chew u up and spit u out....

 

I can see the W saying the same of you in regards to being in an affair with her husband. Yes, the H deserves his fair share of the aftermath and he is probably getting it. In her mind, you are an accessory to the affair and equally deserving of what she is dishing out.

 

Is it fair? Right? Moot point. The fact is, is that it is human nature.

 

The best you can do is understand that, and do your best to block her out. If it continues you can always get a lawyer to send her a cease and desist letter.

[SierraRose]

TY for your imput! Much appreciated!

[noforgiveness]

No matter how I feel has no bearing on the situation. I have NC. Almost 3 months later and I am still a threat to her. Those vibes aren't coming from me! She is attacking me from left field. I emailed her back and called MM cell telling him to keep his wife on a leash. I want no problems, but if she wants ugly, I can certainly give it to her!

 

 

Wow you really have an attitude.KEEP HIS WIFE ON A LEASH? Excuse me dear but you were the one KNOWINGLY messing around with a married man. You should be apologizing to this woman not threatening her.

 

How did you expect her to act when she found out you were screwing with her husband and THREATENING her marriage.

 

I feel sorry for you. You will never have a meaningful relationship with that kind of nasty non compassionate attitude.

[OWoman]

my MM W is nuts....

 

Some are - my MM's one is positively toxic as well as being certifiable. But sadly MM's don't come with a full pedigree listing their W's mental health.

 

If she's going to write mean stuff on your blog, it will have her IP number listed next to the comments. Harvest this, together with the comments, and send it to her ISP laying a complaint - ISPs have codes of conduct and terms of service and if their clients use their services to harass or stalk others, this is against the TOS and, depending on which country you're in, against the law. The ISP will be obliged to pull the plug on her service and she may find herself blacklisted and unable to find an ISP if she carries on with such behaviour.

 

Or, if the law in your country allows, you can have her charged with cyberstalking, in which case she faces arrest, trial and the possibility of a criminal record if she persists.

 

Good for you standing up to her - you have no need to take her abusive behaviour. She needs to grow up and act within civilised norms, and the law.

[SierraRose]

When I am contacted out of the blue with a wrath of nastiness, damn right I'll give it back and no, I won't take it. I am supposed to accept whatever she throws my way as payback? I wrecked her marriage? Let's get something straight..I can't break a M that wasn't already broken in the first place. I am not justifying my A with her H; however, keep in mind SHE had 2 As in the past. THe M never fully recovered from that. He was always faithful to her, until this summer. Point is this...the A with he and I is just a small part of an already damaged marriage; she is finding it easier to place the entire blame for the downfall of her M on me.

[OWoman]

3 months is nothing in the healing process. I'm sure she is still suffering big time. You are a vindictive type, eh?

 

I think the wife is the one being vindictive and childish - Sierra is simply standing up for herself and telling the woman to behave. I think she's showing a great deal of restraint - I'd have laid charges.

 

An xMM's BW once went psycho on me (also a good while after I ended the A) and I stood up for myself, too. As a result she got fired, MM got fired for failing to keep her on a leash and allowing her to harass colleagues (me) and they both landed up getting deported as their visas depending on their work permits which depending on their jobs. There really is no need to play the martyr and put up with their toxicity. They need to work through their own issues, not try to make it someone else's problem.

[whichwayisup]

Then again, do yourself a favour, block her or create a new myspace account and if she contacts you again, IGNORE HER instead of fighting back because all that does is puts more drama in your life.

 

Do you want to heal, let go and move on from this? If yes, then do everything possible to cut her and her husband OUT of your life. You play her game, email her back or whatever, then you deal with her responding back.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I have not had any contact with MM. I have not contacted the W. She is looking into my life.

It has been almost 3 months. I respect his decision to be with W. I will not challenge that; however, if you challenge me??? NOT IN MY HOUSE... I will chew u up and spit u out....

 

um, I believe it was YOU who stepped into HER house FIRST. Now shut up and deal with it.

[noforgiveness]

I think the wife is the one being vindictive and childish - Sierra is simply standing up for herself and telling the woman to behave. I think she's showing a great deal of restraint - I'd have laid charges.

 

An xMM's BW once went psycho on me (also a good while after I ended the A) and I stood up for myself, too. As a result she got fired, MM got fired for failing to keep her on a leash and allowing her to harass colleagues (me) and they both landed up getting deported as their visas depending on their work permits which depending on their jobs. There really is no need to play the martyr and put up with their toxicity. They need to work through their own issues, not try to make it someone else's problem.

 

 

So how many married men have you slept with? Is this a sport to you?

 

You actually sound proud of the fact you got them fired and deported.

[noforgiveness]

um, I believe it was YOU who stepped into HER house FIRST. Now shut up and deal with it.

 

They never quite get that. They somehow always feel justified in their behavior.

[Trimmer]

I think the wife is the one being vindictive and childish - Sierra is simply standing up for herself and telling the woman to behave. I think she's showing a great deal of restraint - I'd have laid charges.

Charges? For what? "Calling [the OP] names" and what else - possibly frequenting her myspace page, the only evidence of which is a visitor counter which shows that there have been visits to the page? One nastygram and a few extra page views (of a PUBLIC page on which she posts her thoughts) to check up on her? And she thinks she's being cyber-stalked? She should find out what it feels like to be cheated on.

 

Incidentally, I still don't get the whole "I post my innermost thoughts on my public Myspace page, and then I get upset when someone I don't want to see it comes around and looks at it." Now, if she's fraudulently logging in to somewhere where she should not have access, then I'm against that, but what's the deal with freaking out over someone being able to access a public page that's designed for anyone to be able to access it?

 

...however, if you challenge me??? NOT IN MY HOUSE... I will chew u up and spit u out....

As LB pointed out, it works both ways... She's obviously gotten into your head. There are different ways to chew, and as we know, not everyone spits.

[SierraRose]

um, I believe it was YOU who stepped into HER house FIRST. Now shut up and deal with it.

 

Ummm....NOT TRUE, my friend..If you read my orginal post, her H and were friends years ago....HE FOUND ME ON THE INTERNET AND RE ENTERED MY LIFE, WHEN I WAS LIVING WITH MY B/F....Read and do your homework before you make a nasty, ignorant post!

[Lizzie60]

I'm not sure how MySpace works.. but how did she find you?

 

I would have noooo idea how to find someone on there? I guess she knew your name or something..

 

I thought people had to be 'invited' in order to write on someone's page..

[SierraRose]

Then again, do yourself a favour, block her or create a new myspace account and if she contacts you again, IGNORE HER instead of fighting back because all that does is puts more drama in your life.

 

Do you want to heal, let go and move on from this? If yes, then do everything possible to cut her and her husband OUT of your life. You play her game, email her back or whatever, then you deal with her responding back.

 

 

It's all been done already...plus her step sister emailed me (she is very nice) she is also very close with the H, she clarified W is not mentally all there...H is trying to do his best to quiet things down with her, for the kids-get thru the holidays..them move on...

Step Sister suggested if I am contacted again by W, to let her know and she will address and do her best to stop it.

[SierraRose]

I'm not sure how MySpace works.. but how did she find you?

 

I would have noooo idea how to find someone on there? I guess she knew your name or something..

 

I thought people had to be 'invited' in order to write on someone's page..

 

She knows my name...she is also VERY IT savvy...

[SierraRose]

Charges? For what? "Calling [the OP] names" and what else - possibly frequenting her myspace page, the only evidence of which is a visitor counter which shows that there have been visits to the page? One nastygram and a few extra page views (of a PUBLIC page on which she posts her thoughts) to check up on her? And she thinks she's being cyber-stalked? She should find out what it feels like to be cheated on.

 

Incidentally, I still don't get the whole "I post my innermost thoughts on my public Myspace page, and then I get upset when someone I don't want to see it comes around and looks at it." Now, if she's fraudulently logging in to somewhere where she should not have access, then I'm against that, but what's the deal with freaking out over someone being able to access a public page that's designed for anyone to be able to access it?

 

 

As LB pointed out, it works both ways... She's obviously gotten into your head. There are different ways to chew, and as we know, not everyone spits.

 

I never said I was being cyber-stalked...yes, she is continually checking up on me as she admitted. I do not post my inner most thoughts on my space either...as W said in the email...she is seeing what I am up to...

 

I have a blog page and yes it is public

What she did is post nasty comments on my page...I took care of that too...

Things have been quiet, this was a shock to me because there has been NC...