ziggue Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I recently met a guy from an Online Dating Site. He seemed really nice and we got along really well. But I wasn't really attracted enough to want to see him again. . We've been sending emails, I don't want to be a snob and ignore him. Plus found out we had a mutual friend who is very close to me that he works with so it might make things kinda awkard for him in that situation, me turning him down. Feel really bad about the whole thing. How do I let him down gently..?
Author ziggue Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 This is the first time I have ever met someone Online. All this is very new to me! Any advice would be great...
Green Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I would just send him a really clear email that incorporates the following sentance "I don't want to see you again" other then that you can add what ever you want like I hope this isn't awkward for you since you work with my friend, I hope I'm not hurting your feelings...
SushiX Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Tell him you just see him as a friend and not ready for anything serious.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I could be wrong, but I think most guys value direct honesty. I was worried about telling a guy that I didn't want to pursue anything with him because I didn't feel a connection - I thought he'd be mad because he seemed a little controlling. But he said, "Thank you for your honesty" and dropped it. It's better than stringing him along and him thinking there's some hope for something more.
Green Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I could be wrong, but I think most guys value direct honesty. I was worried about telling a guy that I didn't want to pursue anything with him because I didn't feel a connection - I thought he'd be mad because he seemed a little controlling. But he said, "Thank you for your honesty" and dropped it. It's better than stringing him along and him thinking there's some hope for something more. I prefer women who can't say no
ashleigh422 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Chances are that you are going to feel really bad anyways. I think you should just come clean with the guy.. he seems nice enough and you dont want to waste his time. Id send him an email if it will be less uncomfortable and tell him gently.. don't say that youd like to be friends, unless you REALLY do.
SierraRose Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 This is the first time I have ever met someone Online. All this is very new to me! Any advice would be great... Zig, I can tell you this...Online dating is not all it's cracked up to be. I have found, more often than not, it is disappointing. I am very selective on who I choose to meet and 99% of the time the man's profile is not an accurate presentation what/who he really is. Some common scenarios are: old pictures posted. I was checking this one guy's profile out. He looked great and had 3 pictures on his profile. There were two pics that really caught my eye, then I looked closer. One he didn't have a shirt on (yes, he looked hot!), the second a short sleeved shirt. In the shirtless pic he had one tattoo on each arm. The shirt pic, I noticed he had numerous tattoos on each arm. Tattoos are $$$ and it's done over time...I'm guessing the shirtless pic was at least 8 years old. I have also found, the "single" men aren't all single, but in fact married looking for something on the side. Not to mention, the pervs, nerds and plain old freaks. I am not saying they are all like this but be cautious in your judgment. Talk for a bit on IM, and don't be quick to give out your number. It's a good way too weed out the loosers. If a guy is looking for something other than an honest to goodness LTR, it will come out in the IMs...if you feel uncomfortable (go by your gut) then just end it there, no detailed explanation needed. When you actually do meet, if you feel the man is not for you, tell him. Remember, if he is looking for a LTR he is not going to want to waste his time (or money) on a woman who his not interested. One thing you can say, and it works for me.."Hey I'm very flattered you are interested in me and ty for dinner (drinks, coffee, whatever the date was) however, I really don't think we're a good match..." He will appreciate your honesty and the fact you are not leading him on or playing games... Another suggestion-for a first meeting don't commit to a dinner date. I recommend coffee, or drinks... Good luck in your Online dating!
jlr5175 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Letdowns are never easy even though we search for an easy way to let some one down. Plain and simple, a letdown is just that, a let down. He'll be hurt a little bit but he will move on.
SierraRose Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 One more VERY important thing with online dating...SAFETY This is for just in case you do happen to meet a man that has undesirable intentions. -Don't ever meet someone without telling a friend -Always gather as much information about him as possible and email it to that friend (include his online profile, any screen names, phone number, etc...) I go to the extent of getting his full name and where he lives. Do a address search at Whitepages.com..if he is listed, then you have even more info...you can never be too cautious! -Give your friend details where and what you are doing...time, place, etc... (don't ever have him pick you up at your home and always meet in a public place) -Either text or call upon arrival -CALL your friend midway thru the date, let her know how it's going and approximate time you are planning on leaving. -Call when you are safely in your car at the end of the date. -NEVER LEAVE YOUR DRINK UNATTENDED I'm not trying to scare you, but your safety is of the utmost importance. Most of the men are harmless; however, you are meeting a stranger. Keep in mind no matter how sweet, sencere you think he has been both online and the phone-he could also be really good at what he does. The only one who is going to look after you, is you.
Author ziggue Posted December 2, 2008 Author Posted December 2, 2008 Thanks guys. I'll figure out something to say in the email. Update: Online guy has spoken to our mutual friend at work about us going out on the weekend. I got a phone call off the mutual friend recommending and him and saying he's a really good guy. I feel kinda forced into going on another date with him now... Plus my friend will probably make me feel like a bitch for turning him down. How awkward. . Thinking I shouldn't have mentioned I had a connection to that place now... .
curiousnycgirl Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 So go out with him again, what is the big deal? I had a friend who swore by the 3 date rule. She claimed the first date you might be off, the second he might be off - if you haven't clicked by the third date, it's not going to happen. I say go out with him again, and if he still doesn't do anything for you - just tell him you like him a lot, but as a friend, you're just not feeling it. But hey you never know! I met my b/f online 4.5 years ago. It's not all roses, but it's more better than worse. Oh and BTW he is nothing liek what I thought I was looking for. Who knows?
OpenBook Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 I could be wrong, but I think most guys value direct honesty. I believe that they do value it... with a generous dollop of kindness thrown in. Men's egos are fragile, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I think they appreciate our handling of their egos with kid gloves even more than they do our direct honesty with them. For example, you could tell him you're just not feeling any spark with him... but reassure him that he didn't do anything wrong, and there's nothing wrong with him. It's just the combination. I did this once with an "online guy" to stop a budding relationship that just wasn't happening for me. He seemed to take it very well, and wrote me a nice "goodbye & good luck" reply back. Of course, I am talking about the great guys out there who deserve to find that magic. For the jerkwads, you have my unequivocal blessing & encouragement to be as rude and mean to them as you can possibly be!
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