movingonandon Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I've got more style than I know what to do with Even so, girls try to "tweak my style", often in the most ridiculous of directions. For example: suggesting the jeans with blazer outfit , or suggesting that you can wear either a tie or a silk pocket square, but not both . I could go on. The point being: 1) are you sure you know what you're doing? and 2) Either go with flattery (i.e. "this looks so hot on you"), or forget it.
addidas Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 maybe if she was my mom and i were 12 years old lol
Author Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I've got more style than I know what to do with Even so, girls try to "tweak my style", often in the most ridiculous of directions. For example: suggesting the jeans with blazer outfit , or suggesting that you can wear either a tie or a silk pocket square, but not both . I could go on. The point being: 1) are you sure you know what you're doing? and 2) Either go with flattery (i.e. "this looks so hot on you"), or forget it. (1) Yes. (2) That's usually how I do it.
fral945 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I wouldn't mind one or two things. I would attribute that to her just being a woman. Women generally seem to be more concerned about what I look like with my clothes on, while I am more concerned what she looks like with her clothes off. OTOH, if it is continual and ongoing and I notice a consistent pattern I'd start to become irritated. It's a passive aggressive way of basically telling me "You're not good enough". Women who want to changes all kinds of little things about me are a red flag. In the bigger picture I think of a woman who will try to "fix" me in other ways, like an ongoing home improvement project.
Humbleman Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I don't mind a girl buying me a shirt or shoes, as long as it fits in with what I like to wear. If she tries to re-invent me, I'll take exception. One of my girlfriends took me out shopping and spent a lot of money on me. She bought me two complete outfits and I hated what she chose me, so to get her back, I ruined the clothes when I got home. I lied to her and told her that I had an accident with my washing machine and it tore up the clothes she bought me. I don't know if she bought my lie or not, but she never bought me clothes again.
anne1707 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I think buying him something is the way to go. When I first met my H, it would be fair to say he was not the best dresser and was conservative in style and colour choice. I would buy him things to wear that were an improvement on what he wore but maybe not as different as I would have fully liked - it was a compromise because it was also important that he felt comfortable in what he wore. I would also compliment him on how he looked in new clothes which gave him yet more confidence to experiment with different looks. Gradually more colours, different styles of clothes were bought (by him as well as me). Over time, he now has much more confidence in shopping and will actually buy things that surprise me - he will push himself to wear something different because he wants to look good (for himself and me).
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 A few things: 1. If you date a man for long enough, you'll have an influence on his style (and, if he's a man who's into style, he'll probably have an influence on yours nowadays). It happens naturally. 2. Many men actively seek women to help them with their style. I know many married men whose wives/LT live-in gf buy their clothes. Not to say they have no say (they still have preferences), but in things like pleated v. flat front, the wife/LT live-in gf usually picks out her preference. Some men actively seek advise on these things, usually those who haven't cultivated a sense of personal style. 3. If a guy has cultivated a sense of personal style (not just "comfort"), I think you have to respect that, just as you'd want him to respect yours, and stay within the bounds of it. I know many guys whose style is a reflection of who they are, and whether I love their clothes or not, I respect them for bringing a POV to the way they dress. 4. Whether or not you can tweak depends on two things in addition to the nature of the guy: 1) how serious LT the relationship and 2) how you present it. Tweaking too early on is usually not well-recieved and being too serious about tweaking creates problems. 5. Most guys don't want you to take them out and buy them all new clothes. Would make them feel "kept" and weird, beyond just the style change. I wouldn't let a new guy buy me a bunch of new clothes either... too weird. I definitely feel like I've influenced the style of many of my ex-boyfriends, especially those who hated shopping or didn't understand style... I've bought them clothing as gifts when appropriate and I've had my opinion asked (been taken as a shopping consultant for a few times when neccesary, because I'm a more efficient shopper and they asked for help). But I never sought to consciously tweak a guy's style... I'll consciously look for and give tips on very few things (proper matching of shoes, etc) and beyond that, I don't see the point in fussing over it and making anyone feel threatened.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Ooohhh....pleats, bad. My feeling is that if you are comfortable enough with this guy, and you do it in a sensitive manner, then hopefully he will be open to the suggestion. I mean c'mon, it's not like you are trying to get the guy to wear a dress or something. If he reacts in a really sensitive or defensive way, then maybe that is indicative of how he handles other areas of conflict. You would learn to tiptoe around him, and then you would be afraid to voice your opinion in other areas of the relationship. But I think you have to be at a certain point in the R to have that conversation. After 3-5 dates, no. Clothes do make the man. I dated a guy once who wore a lot of popped collar shirts and khaki pants. So not my style. His conservative dress matched his conservative outlook, and it turns out we didn't have a lot in common. He wanted to live in the suburbs. Me, city. He liked to watch a lot of sports, which I sometimes like, but not all the time. I wanted to see indie films or foreign films and he was so not interested in that.
allina Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I don't think it's a big deal to suggest a little change, but you may be getting a little ahead of yourself here. First figure out if you want a relationship with him the way he is and if he wants one with you. Is this someone you're interested in dating once you tweak his style or interested in dating period? I don't think most guys would make a huge deal out of a small suggestion like the pleated pants guy did, that's weird. My SO lives in mostly t-shirts, jeans and convers. While he makes sure his clothes fit well and aren't sloppy looking I love seeing him in something more "adult" on occasion I know that at first he only enjoyed dressing up when he was taking me somewhere nice, but once he realized he looked handsome and could still be comfortable he started doing it for himself. He's still in to his Ts and jeans but he also likes it when I buy him clothes and trying new things. I've never been pushy about things and he knows I'd love him the same no matter what he wears so it hasn't been an issue.
movingonandon Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Oh please! Pleats are under-rated, under the influence of cheapo men's fashion magazines. Just because most suits are cut like s***t (pleats or no pleats) does not mean that pleats look bad by default. That's the quintessential suit-pant, so get over it . I wear both. They provide two differet types of awseomness and badassness :cool:
Ariadne Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Hi, I think it's pretty common for women in long term relationships to start buying clothes or even dressing their partners. I know my mother does it to my father, and I dated someone at some point who admired how stilish a previous partner of his was. He told me that she helped him renew his wardrobe and was pleased with it. But in my case, I really don't care what they wear. I have trouble enough finding a match as it is.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 "Hey, have you ever considered [describe item]? You've got the body to carry it off!" [head to toe, salacious look]
You'reasian Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 You've got to find what he's willing to have tweaked in terms of fashion and go with that. Make it a compromise, give him some positive reinforcement and it should be fine.
Stockalone Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Assuming the gal would be paying for the "tweak," how many guys mind when a gal they're dating tries to ever so slightly change/modify his haircut, or shoes, or shirts...? There is no way in hell that I would let a woman by my clothes again and let her pick out what she would like me to wear. I had to deal with this as a boy when my mother was still buying my clothes and I really don't need a repeat performance by a gf. Besides, there is no such thing as tweaking a style. A person either wants to dress in a certain way or not. At least that is how it is for me. The best I can offer is that I will listen to suggestions. However, if I don't like what she has in mind, there is nothing that can be done to change my mind. If the woman doesn't let it go at that point, and keeps bringing it up again in the future, I'd run for the hills. A controlling bitch or nagging hag is not attractive.
norajane Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I recently met a GREAT new guy, but I'm having a hard time getting beyond particular style of a particular item of clothing he wears. What's this item of clothing? Speedo underwear? You MUST do something! Buy him sexy underwear and tell him how hot they make you when he wears them. Big ass jeans? You tell him you can't see his ass and you want to be able to see and drool over his ass. Mesh or muscle shirts that he thinks show off his bod? "Honey, you do realize other people think you're gay when you wear that, right?" Your approach really depends on what the item of clothing is.
Mahatma Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 giving your opinion before something is bought would not bother me. However, if a girl I was dating simply told me she did not like my shirt, that would be a huge turn off. It is as if to say "hey you'd be perfect for me if you just did not wear that button up shirt." There is a reason he chose that clothing. There is a reason he chose to wear it around you.
amaysngrace Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 You do realize that when you insult a man's taste you are in fact insulting yourself, don't you??
Author Star Gazer Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 You do realize that when you insult a man's taste you are in fact insulting yourself, don't you?? I completely disagree. His style mishap is not my own.
Trialbyfire Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 SG, maybe I've missed it in this thread but what is his fashion faux pas, if you don't mind sharing? I'm so curious now.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 It's a lame type of shirt. A polyester/silk-blend, short-sleeve, button-up dress shirt. Like something from Tommy Bahama, but without the tropical print. He usually looks like he walked straight out of a Banana or JCrew catalog, which is fine. This shirt though...
norajane Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 It's a lame type of shirt. A polyester/silk-blend, short-sleeve, button-up dress shirt. Like something from Tommy Bahama, but without the tropical print. He usually looks like he walked straight out of a Banana or JCrew catalog, which is fine. This shirt though... Does he only have one of those? Ooooops! So, sorry about that wine spill!
Ocean-Blue Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 A guy who reacts negatively to a suggestion re: clothing is not worth the time. I don't get what the big deal is. Couples (or those dating) go on shopping dates. Women suggest things and men listen and decide if they want to get it or not. Why is there so much analysis about this? They're just clothes. If he is hung up on his particular "style", he has some other issues that need attention.
Author Star Gazer Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 Does he only have one of those? Ooooops! So, sorry about that wine spill! I've seen two now. I worry there are more, and might multiply in his closet! Luckily it's getting colder here. He shall be wearing more sweaters soon...
Author Star Gazer Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 A guy who reacts negatively to a suggestion re: clothing is not worth the time. I don't get what the big deal is. Couples (or those dating) go on shopping dates. Women suggest things and men listen and decide if they want to get it or not. Why is there so much analysis about this? They're just clothes. If he is hung up on his particular "style", he has some other issues that need attention. Your post does a better job of asking the question that I think I really intended: If a guy cares too much/reacts so negatively, is that a *sign* that he's not worth the energy?
Trialbyfire Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I can relate, I can relate! One of my exes had a shirt like that, which even worse, he never pressed. It was weird because he always looked great besides that shirt. I even took him shopping one day and bought him a different shirt to replace it but this ugly shirt always came back to haunt, although I never did say anything about it to him. Eventually, that shirt disappeared. Praise the lord! Maybe it was a test.
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