WTH? He asked me to meet with him to talk after I told him I’m ok w/ our break up.

[rainshine]

We were together for almost four years we are both in our mid thirties. Last year together was like a roller coaster, we fought a lot and I was unhappy-grieving because I had a miscarriage. He sulked for a month staying in another room, I asked him to leave because I tried everything….consoled him and begged to make things better but he was despondent.

 

He moved out of my place, we were at “ no contact” for 4 ½ months. I called him to greet him happy birthday. He was upset and didn’t want to talk.

 

Then three months had past, I was with office friends having dinner on a Friday night in one of our favorite dives. I saw him in a corner eating alone. I felt bad, I followed him to his car. I gave him a hug and told him how I missed him.

I sent him a text , I told him I missed him. The next day he called, we talked and he asked me to have lunch with him. So we had a great time talking and catching up. Then I tried calling him every other day, the first two days he was responsive. After that, he would not answer his phone and when he did he didn’t want me calling him.

 

So, I wrote him an email saying that I already given up my pride and apologized to him. I know that he still upset that I kicked him out of my place. I tried really hard to make it right. But he since he want his space, I told him that I am moving on and I am okay with the break up. Then I received an email asking “Do you want to talk about our relationship?”

 

Then after three days we met and he said to me I don’t want you calling me often even we are friends. I can only see you once a month as a friend. WTH? Didn’t I say I already moved on……

 

Btw, I asked him if he is with somebody. I told him that would give me closure. And he said why are you probing me? We are already closed (as closure). He didn’t say yes or no….. how weird.

 

Any thoughts on this.....I still love the guy but he is pushing me away.

[Cat66]

What I am sensing here is a ton of mixed signals. It seems out of sympathy and genuine concern you approached him at the restaurant, and told him how much you missed him. The contact started back up, but it seems the more you opened up the lines of communication the more he shut down.

 

Then he expresses his need for space, and it leaves you asking WTF?

 

It sounds to me like you both equally on some level wanted the breakup, and uncertainty has brought you back together more than once.

 

 

I say give him the space he has asked for since he is not able at this time to accept your genuine attempts at true concern. Take it a step further and dont return his calls even in his time of weakness. He needs time to sit with and process all that has happened and come to terms with how he truly feels.

[rainshine]

Thank you Cat. I think he is enjoying his freedom right now but want me hanging on. I told him that if you admit to me that you're with someone else that will give me enough closure....so I can cut him off of my life. I don't know why he can't answer this yes or no.

[Cat66]

Men would rather cut of their right arm (most of the time) than admit to us they were seeing someone else.

 

 

Just as they would rather than admit why they really wanted to end it.

 

What do you really want? even if he admitted to you he was seeing someone else, would that change things? would it make you want to work things out or is it about validating your feelings?

 

You as well need space to evaluate what really matters.

[rainshine]

Cat, you're right about them not admitting it. Although, I saw him on a Friday night having dinner alone by himself made me think twice.

It so hard tho....when you were together for that long time. Wish I could make it up to him....he even asked me why I haven't tried to reconcile after our break up. But I was following the NC rules...and I thought that would make him come back.....

[Cat66]

It sounds to me like you want him back. But in order for that to happen for you he needs to admit something you believe to be true. Please be careful with this one. If you do come to know what u already believe, you need to be sure NOW you are ready to accept and deal with it in order to continue on.

 

 

Sometimes sadly it is just about being right, and masked by need to know to heal. Then the second stage of anger and resentment kicks in and then god help you both.

 

 

I know you want to make it up to him, but can you do this if you know he had an affair?

[Vince Black]

All you can do is give him his space and time ........and lots of it.

I know that sucks and I know that's not what you want to hear but that's the deal.

But the good news is...during that time, improve yourself, make yourself better for the future, better for you and better for any relationship you may have.

[rainshine]

Thanks Vince. I will try my best to do NC. I'm just scared of being the "forgotten" person in his life.