Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I want to text him and say whats up/how are you? (which is totally lame) they know its lame, we know its lame. What it really says is I miss you please respond so I dont feel so in despair and rejected. I need to know you feel the same. I want to text him and say why did you end communication (which is a fair honest and straight to the point question) Yet it puts them on the defensive and further pushes them away from an issue they already do not want to deal with. I want to text him and say Im cool with just knocking boots (which should come off as an empowered woman who knows what she wants and isnt afraid to ask for it) But I know better. I know that I feel more for him but will settle for that. Of course I will settle for that, because I believe I attracted him because he was so unavailable. Im shaking my head right now. I truly believe we get what we want/need regardless of whether it is right for us, it is what we are capable of dealing with at the time. It is about who we are and where we are in our lives right now that determine who we find desirable. We sit and wonder why, but the answers are there. My answers are there. I just cant seem to figure out how to change the dynamics. I understand no contact. It is to save face, dignity, pride, and not further deepen the already open wounds.
Vince Black Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Cat...you gotta stay strong girl you seem so independent and strong willed And yes the answers are there......sometimes we just don't like them if you need to text somebody or send a "lame" email .......then send it to me it will help you save "face" ....and no settling
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Thank you Vince. It is good to know there are those out there who care.
Hersheys Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Hi Cat! I know exactly what you are going through. You seem to have a good grip of the reality of the relationship. Don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing the right thing by staying strong and not contacting him. We all know that further contact means another round of confusion and pain. Try posting here at LS instead and vent.
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Thank you Hersheys. As hard as it is, that is what brought me here. I still have this unfounded fantasy that he will call. (my ego talking) and that is what keeps me going. Sadly
KissTheRain Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I still have this unfounded fantasy that he will call. (my ego talking) and that is what keeps me going. Sadly Thats exactly what keeps me going too. She has changed her number so that I can't even get in touch with her even if I wanted, and its close to a month of NC now, and somehow I am still in hope she might just call. She left me a msg on Gmail saying she missed me, but thats about it to which I dont know how to reply so I haven't. I just don't understand how people can suddenly become so cold. Anyhow, Stay strong Cat. I need to tell me that too.
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Please tell me she didnt leave the email saying she missed you AFTER she changed her number. That would be about as cruel as one could get. As for our unfounded fantasies(we chose to see as reality), I believe that our mind is very capable of being our worst enemy at times. It carries us on the most wild journeys that have absolutely nothing to do with reality, and as a result are very harmful to the rest of our well being. How do we change this? Im still learning.
KissTheRain Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 She left me that note, like 4 days ago and she changed her number maybe like 2 weeks ago. Now I don't know what to do. the note was more like "Hey How are you, I miss you, Had a dream about you." I really don't know how to fight those toughts either, I just keep thinking of if she did call what would I say or if I do bump into her what I would do to get her back, and sometimes sleep is not the best thing either cause dreams make you feel really close to the person, and you wake up really disappointed. For 2 years we slept every night together and shared the same bed, to her it is all fine as she ain't here to me nothing has changed maybe thats why it is worse..
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Nanu, since she sent the email AFTER changing her number, I want you to do whatever you can NOT to respond to that email. That truly puts you in control and leaves her wondering what changed. Why is Nanu ignoring me? I know some say dont play games, but I say well then what do you call what THEY are doing? We are surviving, and if we are given the right tools to fight back,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, why not? She has emailed once. Can you handle waiting until say, the third email? This I believe would be appropriate without you looking desperate in any way.
KissTheRain Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 ..I wish I was that strong :-( I replied to her this morning as I think I got out from the wrong side of the bed. It was a short mail just saying: How are you? How are Mum and dad? I miss you too :-( Thats' it. Now I feel I should have waited, i feel even if she does want to get back in touch but is afraid of my reaction as when we last met I was really not in a position to deal with it. This is the second mail after she changed numbers the first one was when I left for vacation without telling her, she wanted to know where I was etc and said she missed me even then, but I dont know if she is just playing with my feelings ..? Anyway I should not hijack you thread.
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Whether she realises it or not she was playing with your feelings. Selfish as it was I believe she was wanting to/needing to know you still cared regardless of how she intended on dealing with it which is probably not what you/we would hope for. It seems to be a quick fix for the dumper. This is where it is imperative we take control and change the dynamics. ETA you did not hijack my thread, I am glad you felt comfortable to share.
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Every time I see him log into myspace it hurts me that he doesnt contact me. But I dont have the strength just yet to delete him. i am so ready to text him saying Im sorry for whatever I did. PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME WHY NOT TO
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Too late. I couldnt take it anyymore, just sent him a text asking r u ok? I know this goes against EVERYTHING but I just cant take it anymore. If rejection is emimnent I want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Im really hating that I did this.
rainshine Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I know the feeling, I too made those mistakes......so hard when you are reaching out to him and he is just not responsive.
Author Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Hi rain, and still no response. Do you want to know just how pathetic I really am? I assume I am so attractive I can have anything I want, I own the home, the beautiful pool, the great job, I really do think I am a catch. My bad. UNTIL,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, someone I care about lets me know none of this matters. What matters is that ME, I, am not enough. And I sit here still and ask why? I just dont know.
Vince Black Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 dammit I wish i would have been around....i would have done anything to stop you from the texting. but the good news is...we all slip up, we all mistakes no big deal, start anew and the bottom line Cat is that you are : attractive, you are a great catch, you do matter, and the person you matter to in this world the most is .............YOU. You are enough. And it's not your fault.
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