New here...and treading water

[Tryin2movepast]

Hi I am new here. My story: I had a two year emotional affair with my HS sweetheart that turn physical on a lie and produced a child.

 

We were actually middle school sweethearts 7th grade -12th grade. We broke up, moved away from home shortly after HS, met and married other people. I was married for 12 yrs and never stopped thinking of him throughout all the years. He heard about my divorce from a common friend on one of his trips back home. He look me up through one of my family members and that was the beginning of the end. He was still married but claimed to have never gotten over me and felt "stuck" in the marriage. He did not say one bad thing about her. He even shared that she was a good wife and a good mother and he had absolutely no reason to not love her except that he never stopped loving me. He shared his years of being angry with God because he would not allow him to let me go so he could love her. He shared his guilt of "keeping her" as she will never have the opportunity to find someone capable of loving her.

 

After 2 years of emotional rollercoster rides I ended the relationship changing all my phone #s and email accounts except work. He continued to call and email me at work to say he missed me but I never responded or answered his calls. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I knew I had to do it.

 

Fast forward one year later, my job offered me a relocation incentive to head up one of our offices in Asia and I accepted. He found out that I was relocating. He showed up at my home about 3months before I was due to leave - He had never been allowed at my home because I have COM that did not know about him. He knew how important it was for me to protect them and not have them involved. - SO I agreed to go out to talk with him as not to have a scene with him in the presence of my kids.

 

We had dinner and he told me that he had spent this last year getting his life together for us. Said he was divorced and was now living in my state where he had taken a new position to be closer. Said he knew about Asia and begged me to not go. To give us a chance. That evening he took me back to his condo and we made love for the first time since HS. It felt perfect. I had never felt such intensity of intimacy in my life.

 

Now began a whole new set of emotions...I had committed to this new position...but am afraid I will never find what we had again. The next two and a half months was magic. I couldn't get out of the assignment so we made arrangement for a long distance relationship until the contract was over. One night I arrive at his condo while he was still at work. I found a FEDEX envelope on the table and inside was a mortgage loan application with a sign here marker for "HIS WIFE!!!" to sign.

 

I was sick beyond words. He came in and knew that I had found it. He quickly tried to explain it away. I was in shock...how could he have done this to me. I look at him and simply said good bye! He freaked, he grabbed me and forced me to have sex with him saying " I wont let you do this to us". Nothing in my life had ever prepared me for that violation.

 

I did not report it. I thought I would just get over it with time and distance. I felt like a fool for loving this man but I still did. So two weeks later I left the country leaving him and this nightmare behind. Or so I thought.

 

Two months in country I was in an accident and end up in the emergency room where they ran some test. The nurse comes back later and asked how far along in the pregnancy I was and who was my primary OB? Needless to say I don't remember if I ever answered her or not.

 

I must have cried nonstop for weeks...then I did the dumbest thing...I called him and told him never even stopping to think it through. He was happy to hear from me and he guessed without word that I was calling to say I was pregnant. He was comforting and supportive. Said he would be there for us yada yada yada... I was disgusted by his word as I knew that this child was conceived not out of love but a rape.

 

He tried to dictate my pregnancy and how "we" was going to handle it. He basically said I need to move back to the states, he would provide for us without legal intervention, but we must keep this between us because if he had to go through a divorce he would not be able to help out with the baby financially or otherwise. I went NC for the next 5 months.

 

When I called him again I call to let him know that I had an attorney and that we were prepared to file a paternity suit unless he was willing to agree to: provide child support per the guidelines. provide a life insurance policy for the child, contribute 25$per month to a college fund. Pay for and summit to a privately collected court admissible paternity test. He would then sign the Certificate of Birth Abroad.

 

He agreed to all of this and we did it all with private attorneys and filed it in the courts. He decided that because I was not willing to work with him he did not want contact with our son. I let him walk away. I never told his wife nor did He. Two years later while cleaning out the attic she found all the paperwork he had hidden.

 

I was now back in the states and we were still in NC....until the day she called me and threaten to expose my secret if I did not drop the CS. It was a very short conversation ending after the word "Whore".

 

Since then I have been to court with this couple three times in their attempts to have CS reduced, they have call my boss, coworkers and subordinates more times than I can count. The last round of antics came after I showed he lied on his last petition for reduction of CS that claim he was unemployed. He actually took a higher position in another company making more money and figured I would not find out about it as they live in another state. Well I did my homework and exposed him in court and not only did they not get a reduction but my son got a raise.

 

She left the courtroom spitting fire. Next day I get called into my Boss's office as she had call again threating to file a lawsuit against my company for aiding my in harassing her family with frivious counter claims to their petitions. (she is a legal aid)

 

It is completely humiliating what these two have done to me and my life. I have done nothing but protect the interest of my child as I will continue to do. I have received childish text messages from unknown #s, there was even headless nude pictures circulated at my office claiming it to be me. I have tried to get a RO without success and now I am just PISSED! God help me I want revenge!!

 

When I was doing my "homework", I came across evidence that he was forced to leave his last job because of an office romance that turned into a sexual harassment claim against him. I also have evidence that he is in yet another affair. It really seems that he keeps her focused on me so she can't interfere in what he is doing and it is working. This woman has turned into a stalker of sorts. She calls my family and friend back home to try and get info on me.

 

I would love to expose this psychotic couple as such. I would love to do to them just what they have done to me. Call/email their family, friends and coworkers to let the know that they are not the perfect upstanding citizens they present in public. I want to let them know about the existence of the OC, and abandonment by his "community figure" father. I want to tell them how this woman has tx, em, called to call my son a ba$tard and other choice names. Tell them about how they doctored information in an attempt to cheat OC out of CS. I want them to feel the shame and humiliation that I have felt for the last 3yrs. Am I wrong, would it just fuel the fire or would it teach them a lesson and make them go away to lick their wounds?

[pelicanpreacher]

Some people need their comeuppance so I'd advise that you secure the services of private investigators to really get all the dirt on him. Once done, let him and his wife know that you've come into possession of whatever damaging information you've uncovered and that you will maintian it in safe keeping for now. You will then inform them that are to send a written and notarized apology to eveyone they've contacted in an attempt to disrupt your life and, if they make one more derogatory peep to anyone in your life, attempt to shirk the agreement exacted to secure the welfare of your child, or ever try to contact you again then all bet's are off and you will get extreme satisfaction in witnessing the insurance of their demise and complete destruction of their lives.

 

This man's fingernails are filthy and I guarantee that you'll find out a lot more than you know for a leopard can no more change its spots than he can undo the graft of his life's work! BELIEVE THAT!

[bentnotbroken]

I don't think you are wrong. Your situation is horrible. The only thing I probably would have done different is to report the rape. Since, you are faced with this dilemma, try to stay strong and seek support from family and friends. I am a firm believer that God has something special planned for those two..many blessings.

[Tryin2movepast]

The only thing I probably would have done different is to report the rape.

 

I regret that in hindsight. When I finally left that night I was in shock, ashamed that I allowed myself to get into that situation(I was in his apt type of thing) I just wanted to sweep it under the perverbal rug. Once I found out that I was pregnant I thought had I only reported it that night they would have given me the drug to prevent date rape pregnancies...I would not have give him to my son as a father.

 

I love my son with all my heart. He just doesn't deserve this stigma.

[bentnotbroken]

I regret that in hindsight. When I finally left that night I was in shock, ashamed that I allowed myself to get into that situation(I was in his apt type of thing) I just wanted to sweep it under the perverbal rug. Once I found out that I was pregnant I thought had I only reported it that night they would have given me the drug to prevent date rape pregnancies...I would not have give him to my son as a father.

 

I love my son with all my heart. He just doesn't deserve this stigma.

 

 

I didn't mean that you should have aborted your son, I just meant that the piece of crap would have been held accountable and his w wouldn't be in your life.

[Tryin2movepast]

I didn't mean that you should have aborted your son, I just meant that the piece of crap would have been held accountable and his w wouldn't be in your life.

Bent I know that is not what you were saying. That is what I am saying. As much as I love my son I wish I could go back to the option of abortion to save him the future of having this man as his father and this woman as a stepmother.

 

Everyday I wakeup to what's next with them.

[Tryin2movepast]

Some people need their comeuppance so I'd advise that you secure the services of private investigators to really get all the dirt on him. Once done, let him and his wife know that you've come into possession of whatever damaging information you've uncovered and that you will maintian it in safe keeping for now. You will then inform them that are to send a written and notarized apology to eveyone they've contacted in an attempt to disrupt your life and, if they make one more derogatory peep to anyone in your life, attempt to shirk the agreement exacted to secure the welfare of your child, or ever try to contact you again then all bet's are off and you will get extreme satisfaction in witnessing the insurance of their demise and complete destruction of their lives.

 

This man's fingernails are filthy and I guarantee that you'll find out a lot more than you know for a leopard can no more change its spots than he can undo the graft of his life's work! BELIEVE THAT!

Too much energy...not to mention the financial cost. I have spent over 10,000.00 on legal fees because of these people. The judge did award me 6000.00 this last round because of the fraud but I am yet to collect one dime of it. My guess is I will have to take him back to court to get it.

 

I am just emotionally drained by this situation.

[SierraRose]

I'd love to hear the story he told his W about you.

I am not one for revenge, but know you could send Christmas cards to "the family..."

[pelicanpreacher]

You must gain strength and marshall your resourcefullness to do battle for he and his wife are in seige mode and will not relent until you are completely demoralized and destroyed. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure so circle your wagons and tell Johnny to get his gun for this won't end until you end it!

 

Set them on their heels and let them worry about... "What's next"!

[SierraRose]

I agree with PP. The are trying to be smart, but you can be smarter. I understand about what you are saying about your son's DNA. I'm not trying to blow sunshine here, but I'm sure somewhere his biological father does have good traits. Afterall you did love him for a few years. I pray your child has his good traits, hopefully your son is more you. The child is innocent. He did not ask to be brought in this world and should in no way pay for the fact his biological father turned out to be an a**hole. You may not see it now, but there is a reason you didn't abort him. Remember, he is a product of you...is your shining star.

[Tryin2movepast]

You must gain strength and marshall your resourcefullness to do battle for he and his wife are in seige mode and will not relent until you are completely demoralized and destroyed. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure so circle your wagons and tell Johnny to get his gun for this won't end until you end it!

 

Set them on their heels and let them worry about... "What's next"!

I really thought this last round in court would do the trick.. He purged himself in a court of law and she was mad at me for finding out. I would not allow my attorney to peruse the purgery charge as it would not benefit my son.

 

Every weapon they have formed against me have failed. I believe in vengeance being the Lord 's . PP, I have enough now to destroy him. I could get him fired and black balled in his profession in less than 20minutes. He know this they both know this as much of it came out in the trial. That however is not how I live my life and feel that if I let them make me that person than they win my soul.

 

Besides..if he gets fired there will be no CS and my child and their child both lose significant financial support.

[Tryin2movepast]

I agree with PP. The are trying to be smart, but you can be smarter. I understand about what you are saying about your son's DNA. I'm not trying to blow sunshine here, but I'm sure somewhere his biological father does have good traits. Afterall you did love him for a few years. I pray your child has his good traits, hopefully your son is more you. The child is innocent. He did not ask to be brought in this world and should in no way pay for the fact his biological father turned out to be an a**hole. You may not see it now, but there is a reason you didn't abort him. Remember, he is a product of you...is your shining star.

SR perhaps you are right and he has some good traits....but that is worth nota right now. As for my loving him, I love what he made me believe he was. I don't know this man from Adam. He lied and deceive me. Everything he said after the first lie is a lie. You can't love someone you don't know. You can only love the ideal of who you thought they were.

[pelicanpreacher]

When you refused to file those perjury charges because of fear of how it might impact your son (and theirs) you showed them a weakness they believed they could exploit. After all, since they're aware that you know all this and won't stand up for yourself then you've given them free reign to do anything they want to you now and forever!

 

I'm suggesting that you use the veiled threat of exposure by reopening the perjury case to make him immediately cough up the money you expended on legal fees when he attempted to falsify his income trying to deny your son CS. Take this opportunity to also force him to provide a verifiably truthful accounting and acknowledgement by notarized signature through you to his wife, your family, friends, and business associates of what really occured between the two of you in order to reverse the slanderous allegations he spread which will secure his silence and decency for you and your son from here on out as well. Lay your cards on the table in a cold and decisive manner and you will have shown him that you hold a loaded gun that you aren't afraid to use. He has no alternative in face of this bluff but to fold his hand in surrender! Lord knows that if I had the same hand you're holding those two would be dancing to a different tune right now for if I had them by the b@lls their @ss's would surely follow on tiptoes!

 

They are relying on your good nature and somewhat passive personality to treat you like their punching bag and now it's time to step them back. Remember, your ability to disrupt their lives now exceeds their ability to disrupt yours so you need to put and end to their foolishness for both you and your son's sake. There is a difference between vengence and justice so the actions that I've suggested have not superceded GOD's right to exact punishment of his own! You have nothing to worry about on that score.