LittleDove Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 It feels as though my egox has left a HUGE mark in my life... EVERYTHING I see tv shows, remind me of him, certain songs, comercials, and as im sorting through my boxes, the MEMORIES attached to certain things...its really strong, and makes me ache for whats been lost. I find his kids things amongst mine..it makes me want to cry. my mind wanders as often as I allow it to.... im getting good at 'watching' my emotions, rather than feeling them. Thing is in a rational way, I dont want him or miss him. Its this stupid 'habit' thing. But then when im with my new bf, I feel better...(although its no where near as intense as egox- i dont think im in love) I dont get lost in memories, I just 'am'. Its as though having someone else, blocks away the pain... so does it all(the hurting and dwelling) go away when we meet someone new?? or when we fall in love again???
spupwc Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 LDOVE, I also have a huge mark,void,loss,emptyness because of my ex.. I want her still but don't, and the want is so over powerful then not, I am trying so hard to move on but my thoughts r so automatic.. everything reminds me of her...I was dating someone for a month or so but wasn't feeling it, I hurt her and now I just can't do that anymore. I've been talking to a few women but that's as far asi let happen, wen we decide to go out, I break it... maybe I just need to see if I can be truly interested in someone by giving them a chance but I'm afraid of hurting them or crash and burn... I do think if I find someone and we're def. interested in each other, it wud help take the sting out from the ex...
EmperorR Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 it may help but you want to make sure its not a rebound
Author LittleDove Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 I am not running into a rebound thing, my bf is a booty call that became exclusive... Thats why I can say, I dont think this is 'love' like it was with the egox...im not feeling much, hes very distant, hes a typical man, going slow, non communicative, dating... whereas my egox was a socipath, and so we began in a very twisted and intense way. Us against the world... it was an all consuming relationship, and I worry I will want that again now. I was more thinking about the eurythmics song...goes something like... "the miracle of love...will take away your pain, when the miracle of love, comes your way again.." I see it happen when im with my bf, im more in the moment, enjoying his company, than thinking of the past... So I wondered if having someone new, takes away the pain. Im moving interstate soon, and not looking to start anything I wont want to leave...booty has already said he will visit me for holidays! I wonder about this because the egox didnt swell on me for long before he met up with another woman, who he moved in with, and admitted to me, that being with her was a rebound thing... It had allowed him to move on almost effortlessly. He told me, he just 'got lost in her' and hadnt really thought about me, I was so far away, and she was right there. When I saw him, he even said, he hadnt had time to really think of us, until he SAW me. Yeah shallow egox. Meanwhile ive had 6 months of dwelling, thinking, missing, yearning, crying, hurting, waiting...while he was already in the arms of another. So will it take as long as it takes to meet someone who rocks my world, before I can move on too????
amaysngrace Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 So will it take as long as it takes to meet someone who rocks my world, before I can move on too???? No. You have to realize that you are your own best friend. That it's better to be alone than to be in bad company. To see that you spend ALL of your time with yourself so you might as well like who you are. Once you become your own best friend than nobody can ever make you feel empty again because you know that you are more than a good person for you to be around. And anyone else just comes second. So that's why it's really important to take good care of yourself. Everything you've been giving to others, like stupid egoX, give to yourself. I also think that if you think too much about egoX even though you have a booty on the side means you are just settling when you are with booty guy. Never settle.
Author LittleDove Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Oh amasngrace, I KNOW ive settled....but its temporary!!! booty and I had another talk, I am definate about my move early next year(march), and hes not moving 1000kms away. So in march that it. booty isnt really a "boyfriend"....hes an X who I enjoy sleeping with who is now exclusive, because we like knowing we have got that, and 'thats' about all I want from a guy right now! we have a very honest relationship/friendship. Theres no bs. He is aware that the break up has affected me deeply. He knew me BEFORE this, and hes amazed at how much 2 years of abuse has changed me. I seriously doubt anything more will come of booty, but we will remain good friends, and i will probably stay in contact a long time. I am working on becomming more at one with myself...I actually dont mind my own company at all! lucky me i know people who simply cannot be alone...sucks to be them id imagine. I was watching music videos tonight and saw that song by eurythmics and it played on my mind, that all. Then I wondered...if its true...
Jenny123 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Go 4 it girl- think meeting someone does help u move on and is a distraction. As long as both ur cards are on the table- who's complaining?! Wish I had a booty friend!
LovieDove24 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 No. You have to realize that you are your own best friend. That it's better to be alone than to be in bad company. To see that you spend ALL of your time with yourself so you might as well like who you are. Once you become your own best friend than nobody can ever make you feel empty again because you know that you are more than a good person for you to be around. I really like this advice AmysnGrace. Having a relationship or rebound thang is much easier than forming a healthy relationship with yourself. But its truly the best one to have. Today I am having a great day. I looked in the mirror last night, forgave myself for not being perfect and told myself I was beautiful. Sounds corny, is overly cliche, but honestly loving yourself is the best because it is so authentic and it wont ever just abandon you the way people in relationships can.
ninjaturtles Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 No. You have to realize that you are your own best friend. That it's better to be alone than to be in bad company. To see that you spend ALL of your time with yourself so you might as well like who you are. Once you become your own best friend than nobody can ever make you feel empty again because you know that you are more than a good person for you to be around. I really like this advice AmysnGrace. Having a relationship or rebound thang is much easier than forming a healthy relationship with yourself. But its truly the best one to have. Today I am having a great day. I looked in the mirror last night, forgave myself for not being perfect and told myself I was beautiful. Sounds corny, is overly cliche, but honestly loving yourself is the best because it is so authentic and it wont ever just abandon you the way people in relationships can. Amysngrace and the person who replied to this- you both made my day!! I was in the habit of jumping into relationships, immediately after a failed one in a bid to 'get over the ex'. I never wanted to feel pain or work on myself. I was very insecure however the past year has taught me so much. Not only have I found true happiness being single, I realise that it's better to feel secure being single, before getting into a relationship. This way, you don't depend on your SO in an unhealthy way. Plus, you don't settle for blatantly unhealthy partners, all in a bid to be in a relationship. ---The key is learning to be happy by yourself.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Okay, my theory on this. There are two parts to moving on. Part is missing the person and the other part is missing the elements of a relationship. The human mind intertwines the two. If you can separate the two in some way, it would make it far easier to move on, since each element is now in smaller bite size pieces. I think in some ways, we all naturally do the separation process when we demonize our exes.
0hpenelope Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Does it take another love to forget the ex? No. I'd rather heal all on my own than depend on finding that one magical person who will make everything better. I have too many friends who made this mistake and read too many stories on LS to not try and be smart about how I'm moving on from Lawrence. Not deluding myself. It does get lonely sometimes, but seeing that I have a lot of life plans... yeah, it's definitely worth it to be single for a long, long time.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I think this is actually wise advise. Tough as hell to do, but likely worth it in the long run. It would be a great goal to be happy even when a person is alone. Funny how I was probably more happy most of the time when she was gone or at work and never felt lonely. Probably because I new she was coming back eventually. I have been seeing a couple different women lately and they can make me forget about those pangs of lonliness every so often, but it's not quite the same yet, because its so soon and a person has to kind of wash the memory of the EX away before really enjoying new people. How great would it be to never feel lonely, even when you're by yourself? Sign me up.
0hpenelope Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 How great would it be to never feel lonely, even when you're by yourself? Sign me up. It's a matter of perspective, I think. I've adopted one of the many mini-wisdoms CaliGuy + other LS users has bestowed upon LS: "I'd rather be single than married and miserable." Visits to the Divorce forums help reinforce that. My heart goes out to all of those LS users. A lot of them had hoped to dodge the divorce bullet, but to have them shot in the face or slapped with that reality... it's a little heartbreaking to read about. Then kids are involved sometimes... Oh man. Yeah. Being single doesn't have to mean being lonely. I'm planning a big trip in the Spring, in fact - with friends. Few of them are taken, few are single. All want to have a good time. How I'll deal with the taken ones' indiscretions, I'll just... deal when I get there. I'm not okay enough to go back in the dating pool; I'm not desperately lonely. And I honestly don't have the patience to deal with boyfriend drama right now (and for a while) so I'll pass, thanks. I'd rather give my love (volunteer work, devoting my time to Science, helping friends, etc.) to something more worthwhile than a quick, rebound, feel-good relationship.
HighPlainsDrifter Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 It's a matter of perspective, I think. I've adopted one of the many mini-wisdoms CaliGuy + other LS users has bestowed upon LS: "I'd rather be single than married and miserable." Visits to the Divorce forums help reinforce that. My heart goes out to all of those LS users. A lot of them had hoped to dodge the divorce bullet, but to have them shot in the face or slapped with that reality... it's a little heartbreaking to read about. Then kids are involved sometimes... Oh man. Yeah. Being single doesn't have to mean being lonely. I'm planning a big trip in the Spring, in fact - with friends. Few of them are taken, few are single. All want to have a good time. How I'll deal with the taken ones' indiscretions, I'll just... deal when I get there. I'm not okay enough to go back in the dating pool; I'm not desperately lonely. And I honestly don't have the patience to deal with boyfriend drama right now (and for a while) so I'll pass, thanks. I'd rather give my love (volunteer work, devoting my time to Science, helping friends, etc.) to something more worthwhile than a quick, rebound, feel-good relationship. I agree with the being married and miserable line. It only would make it worse. It's hard though when all of your friends are married or in relationships and have the whole holiday experience going on the way you would like it to be for yourself. It does make a person kind of want to force a relationship just for companionship. I have probably been guilty of that to an extent. Then you just end up hurting people and that's not ever what I want to do. It's just such a big adjustment going from being attached to being free. Maybe free is a better way of looking at the situation than the term single.
sedgwick Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Does "egox" mean "ex?" I've never seen that term before.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 The more I think about this, the more it strikes me as a case of rebound/transference, if it takes a new love to move on from the ex. It's one thing to compare new and old and find that old doesn't cut it and another to rely on someone else to branch to.
Surfer Dude Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I don't think it takes another love to get over ex. Many people have done it without rebounds, including myself. Actually, if you can get over it without wanting to screw another person, it can be quite gratifying in the end, because you have faced your inner demons by yourself and defeated them, instead of just avoiding them. HOWEVER, being with someone who cares and loves you a lot sure does help heal some old wounds. Nothing quite helps you appreciate life again as much as new true love. Sex doesn't really cut it for me, it's more of an ego boost thing to rebound after breakup. But if it works for you, hey who am I to judge Besides, it wouldn't be fair to use your new partner as means of forgetting your ex. It just isn't right.
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