berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Okay, you go for a drink in a public place and he drops a roofy into your drink. Do you always take your drink to the bathroom or do you chug it before going? I actually have been roofied (when I was younger---was with girlfriends and was safe, thankfully), but never on a date. So, I do tend to be a bit careful about drinks. If I go for alcoholic drinks with a guy I've just met, I do so at a place where I know the people working (bartenders, etc) and I know they'll look after me. If I go to a coffee place or restaurant and begin to feel roofied, I am fairly certain no guy could drag me out of there. I was roofied a couple times in college and know what it feels like... if you're stone-cold sober, there's no way you're not noticing in time to do something about it. The danger is when it's mixed with getting tipsy/drinking, and you don't notice the difference, don't prepare yourself for how to handle it, and don't have any potential allies (including most women, even strangers) around. This is more MOW issue than real, when you're talking adults at a date. The real issue would be at college parties, etc, where the girls aren't experienced to be aware of their state of mind. (Even the first time I was roofied, and I was young, inexperienced, and drinking, I knew I was roofied. You really can tell.)
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Chug it, duh. Why do you have such a cynical view of mankind? What proportion of the population do you think are capable of being rapists/ killers/ the types of guys who drop roofies in your drink? IMO, it's a very very small percentage. I personally have never met someone I'd label as the "real creep" type. Even when I worked at a strip club, drunkenly grinding on guys in a g-string, nothing bad ever happened. With that assumption, it's a bigger risk to walk down the street than go out with a stranger. What statistics are YOU assuming about men, and people in general, and why? spook, it's a numbers game. This is just one aspect of it. Much of the reason why I don't date many strangers has much to do with my personal preference for men. Having said all that, no one can say that it's perfectly safe to date strange men. If you believe that, you're not being realistic. You can reduce the risk to a degree but never get rid of it completely. If you're aware of it, then you can only blame yourself for taking that risk. It's your choice.
SushiX Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Okay, you go for a drink in a public place and he drops a roofy into your drink. Do you always take your drink to the bathroom or do you chug it before going? Well who says you gotta eat or drink anything. What's the likeliness that this sort of thing would happen. The chances of you dying while driving to your date is probably her than this. You're just too paranoid!
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 spook, it's a numbers game. This is just one aspect of it. Much of the reason why I don't date many strangers has much to do with my personal preference for men. Having said all that, no one can say that it's perfectly safe to date strange men. If you believe that, you're not being realistic. You can reduce the risk to a degree but never get rid of it completely. If you're aware of it, then you can only blame yourself for taking that risk. It's your choice. By that assumption, it's not perfectly safe to do anything, including leave the house, google-investigate men, or date men your friends have vouched for. Just because they're in your circle of friends doesn't mean they haven't snapped overnight and decided to hack you into little pieces. By that logic, at least. I get the personal preference thing. The safety thing is a fallacy.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I actually have been roofied (when I was younger---was with girlfriends and was safe, thankfully), but never on a date. So, I do tend to be a bit careful about drinks. If I go for alcoholic drinks with a guy I've just met, I do so at a place where I know the people working (bartenders, etc) and I know they'll look after me. If I go to a coffee place or restaurant and begin to feel roofied, I am fairly certain no guy could drag me out of there. I was roofied a couple times in college and know what it feels like... if you're stone-cold sober, there's no way you're not noticing in time to do something about it. The danger is when it's mixed with getting tipsy/drinking, and you don't notice the difference, don't prepare yourself for how to handle it, and don't have any potential allies (including most women, even strangers) around. This is more MOW issue than real, when you're talking adults at a date. The real issue would be at college parties, etc, where the girls aren't experienced to be aware of their state of mind. (Even the first time I was roofied, and I was young, inexperienced, and drinking, I knew I was roofied. You really can tell.) If a girl looks unwell and the man with her is willing to take care of her and get her home, no one, including yourself, will make much of an issue of it. Roofies are tasteless and odourless. You can only assume you've been roofied. Seriously berrieh, do whatever you want with your life. Just don't try to tell me that dating strangers is perfectly safe. It's not. You can reduce the risk but you can never completely remove it, no matter how good a judge of character you are.
spookie Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 spook, it's a numbers game. This is just one aspect of it. Much of the reason why I don't date many strangers has much to do with my personal preference for men. Having said all that, no one can say that it's perfectly safe to date strange men. If you believe that, you're not being realistic. You can reduce the risk to a degree but never get rid of it completely. If you're aware of it, then you can only blame yourself for taking that risk. It's your choice. Of course it's a numbers game. That's what I'm saying. I think the numbers we're pulling just don't match. I respect your preference for dating non-strangers, but I think you're paranoid about the "safety" aspects of this. Of course it's not "perfectly" safe, but the hlel in life is? As someone pointed out, you probably have a higher chance of dying on the way TO the date (or to an alternate destination, a liquor store for example) than getting date-raped on it.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Of course it's a numbers game. That's what I'm saying. I think the numbers we're pulling just don't match. I respect your preference for dating non-strangers, but I think you're paranoid about the "safety" aspects of this. Of course it's not "perfectly" safe, but the hlel in life is? Okay, then you're on a date with a stranger and you chug a couple of drinks. Do you then drive yourself home?
spookie Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Okay, then you're on a date with a stranger and you chug a couple of drinks. Do you then drive yourself home? I'd be hard-pressed to interpret that risk as an inherent one in dating strangers.
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 If a girl looks unwell and the man with her is willing to take care of her and get her home, no one, including yourself, will make much of an issue of it. Roofies are tasteless and odourless. You can only assume you've been roofied. Seriously berrieh, do whatever you want with your life. Just don't try to tell me that dating strangers is perfectly safe. It's not. You can reduce the risk but you can never completely remove it, no matter how good a judge of character you are. First of all: When you are roofied, you don't lose all free will. The issue is lack of physical control and feeling of intoxication. I was able to communicate I was feeling bad and that I felt unsafe both times that I was roofied (never on dates---once at a party, at a friend's home, and once at a concert). 99% of women will help you if you communicate that fact to them. I go out downtown (sometimes even by myself, which you probably think is terribly scary!) a lot, and I have seen women roofied before -- not all the time, but, yeah, it happens. I have helped before. You should always be aware of your own state of mind---that is key. Second of all: How many roofied-on-date stories have you heard? Really? Because I've heard a lot of stuff and never heard ones. Third of all: How can you be certain someone who's vouched for by your circle of friends won't roofy you on a date? You can't. Therefore, that's not safe either. You cannot remove the risk there either. Nothing is "perfectly safe." Dating someone you don't yet know is "reasonably safe" in the conditions I've described. The bigger risks of dating don't involve ruphies or murders. They involve getting your feelings hurt and all the drama that comes with affairs of the heart...and that is a risk whether 1000 people have vouched for the guy or no one has.
spookie Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 First of all: When you are roofied, you don't lose all free will. The issue is lack of physical control and feeling of intoxication. I was able to communicate I was feeling bad and that I felt unsafe both times that I was roofied (never on dates---once at a party, at a friend's home, and once at a concert). 99% of women will help you if you communicate that fact to them. I go out downtown (sometimes even by myself, which you probably think is terribly scary!) a lot, and I have seen women roofied before -- not all the time, but, yeah, it happens. I have helped before. You should always be aware of your own state of mind---that is key. Second of all: How many roofied-on-date stories have you heard? Really? Because I've heard a lot of stuff and never heard ones. Third of all: How can you be certain someone who's vouched for by your circle of friends won't roofy you on a date? You can't. Therefore, that's not safe either. You cannot remove the risk there either. Nothing is "perfectly safe." Dating someone you don't yet know is "reasonably safe" in the conditions I've described. The bigger risks of dating don't involve ruphies or murders. They involve getting your feelings hurt and all the drama that comes with affairs of the heart...and that is a risk whether 1000 people have vouched for the guy or no one has. Well-said and I agree.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I'd be hard-pressed to interpret that risk as an inherent one in dating strangers. If you're going to consistently chug your drinks and drive home while dating strangers, then yes, that's a risky pattern of behaviour associated to dating strangers. First of all: When you are roofied, you don't lose all free will. The issue is lack of physical control and feeling of intoxication. I was able to communicate I was feeling bad and that I felt unsafe both times that I was roofied (never on dates---once at a party, at a friend's home, and once at a concert). 99% of women will help you if you communicate that fact to them. I go out downtown (sometimes even by myself, which you probably think is terribly scary!) a lot, and I have seen women roofied before -- not all the time, but, yeah, it happens. I have helped before. You should always be aware of your own state of mind---that is key. Second of all: How many roofied-on-date stories have you heard? Really? Because I've heard a lot of stuff and never heard ones. Third of all: How can you be certain someone who's vouched for by your circle of friends won't roofy you on a date? You can't. Therefore, that's not safe either. You cannot remove the risk there either. Nothing is "perfectly safe." Dating someone you don't yet know is "reasonably safe" in the conditions I've described. The bigger risks of dating don't involve ruphies or murders. They involve getting your feelings hurt and all the drama that comes with affairs of the heart...and that is a risk whether 1000 people have vouched for the guy or no one has. berrieh, what is it with you? If you're willing to risk dating strangers, that's your call. If something happens to you, that's your risk. Don't try to convince people that it's not a risk. Common sense will tell you that it is a risk, one that you're willing to take and one that I'm only willing to take very, very rarely.
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 berrieh, what is it with you? If you're willing to risk dating strangers, that's your call. If something happens to you, that's your risk. Don't try to convince people that it's not a risk. Common sense will tell you that it is a risk, one that you're willing to take and one that I'm only willing to take very, very rarely. What is up with me is that I don't see it as a risk---no more so than dating anyone. It is safe the VAST majority of the time...more than 99.9%. Now, going to a stranger's home? That's a risk. Still, in a numerical sense, a slight risk (yes, in the MOW, there might be a 100% chance of date rape or murder, but in real life, it's statistically below 1%, I'm willing to bet). Common sense doesn't tell you that having a drink with a new person in a public place is a risk. Paranoia does.
spookie Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 If you're going to consistently chug your drinks and drive home while dating strangers, then yes, that's a risky pattern of behaviour associated to dating strangers. I don't date at all, I hardly drink anymore, and I certainly drink and drive these days. So, these risks don't apply to me at all. But I'd still argue that you're irrational in placing this action in the "won't-do" category due to the risk, while continuing to engage in others that are, in reality, far more dangerous, though I respect your preference for not dating strangers.
Trialbyfire Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I don't date at all, I hardly drink anymore, and I certainly drink and drive these days. So, these risks don't apply to me at all. But I'd still argue that you're irrational in placing this action in the "won't-do" category due to the risk, while continuing to engage in others that are, in reality, far more dangerous (like, I don't know, driving). As I mentioned before, the majority of why I don't date strangers have nothing to do with rape. Of the small component that has to do with rape, it is a risk. No one has solely one reason why they put it in the "won't do" category. I'm not sure how many times I have to say it to get it through. As for drinking and driving, just another display of risky behaviour. Even if you're capable of driving, a DUI isn't something fun to get.
Author Bells Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I heard the hold saying "A Stranger Is A Friend you haven't met yet" I don't know, I really see no harm in approaching strange women in public...I mean I wouldn't do it out of the blue But say we're waiting in a LONG line somewhere...where a "wait" is required...I'd talk to her....find out if she's single (further into the conversation) then ask her out. I figured that's how most dating scenarios worked. But I HAD heard that people meet through other friends....but it's more natural that way, networking. Im sure you've heard it...OTHER than nightclubs Landrymat, bookstores, libraries, these are or WERE the most common public places to meet other singles
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