Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with spookie on the texts. I'm extremly annoyed when someone texts me any of these: How was your weekend, How have you been, What's new and How are you. I tend to just ignore those texts. I agree and do not text things like that. I make a point not to. Our texts are very specific and direct to each other. She is the one who texts me things, and I quote "whatcha doin".
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 You're right you do seem to be the guy version of me lol. I am way too headsy as well. I think you should take a step back and look at it objectively. If things were moving forward and then all of a sudden it stops...there has to be something wrong. There can be a myriad of reasons why, but it seems like something is off if she is so cold now. She almost immediately replied to my message I left a little while ago... just didn't post here yet. I directly asked to go out for dinner on her next day off. Her reply was 'sounds great not a day when im working which has been a lot'. Trust me, I want to believe it's the work and holidays that have caused the void...
Ariadne Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Maybe she freaked out after all that stuff. Maybe she is wondering what you are thinking of her after what happened and if you are still interested. Is just one of those things that make things change. Like the first time you have sex etc. Hopefully she's not ditching you yet, good luck. Plus, this was special because it was Thanksgiving so people are usually busy with that.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Did she offer up a specific day when she would be of or was it more of a general message? If I was really interested in the guy I would say hey, I'm off Thursday, how about that? If I was unsure what day would be good for me, I would still tell him that I would like to go out and I am off X day X day X day. Let me look at my calendar and see what would be best. The general text concerns me. I could be wrong, I hope I am.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Did she offer up a specific day when she would be of or was it more of a general message? If I was really interested in the guy I would say hey, I'm off Thursday, how about that? If I was unsure what day would be good for me, I would still tell him that I would like to go out and I am off X day X day X day. Let me look at my calendar and see what would be best. The general text concerns me. I could be wrong, I hope I am. That summed up the text. I agree with you... I was just about to follow up with asking a day.
spookie Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I'm glad you replied spookie. To both of your ideas: 1) I don't see that as a possibility. She was the one to text me all of the time. She would ask me how my day is, when I was up to, and always want to chat. 2) That may be a possibility and has been on my mind. Trust me, I wanted to ravish her, but I am genuinely interested in her. Since it was our second time together alone, I didn't want to push anything. When we started our talks while laying together I was very romantic yet frisky too. I touched her all over... she even asked me to put caress her in specific areas, so she was very comfortable with me. I will elaborate a bit more which I did not include in my OP. After we got back to my house that night, she immediately asked to rest her legs I me. I massaged her legs for a short while during that and was being very flirtatious. Just a bit after that she started getting very comfortable and started removing clothing such as a her top shirt, then her bra (just wearing a small tank top). We laid together on my couch and finished the movie. That's when I offered for her to stay. She was happy to, and undressed down to her underwear. That's when we laid in my bed, chatted, teased, tickled, etc... In that case, it sounds like I'm probably wrong, which is great. Maybe it is just the holidays. Do you know if maybe she went out of town to visit family? I know when I go home (to a different state) whatever I had going on in my "normal" life gets placed on hold. I turn off my phone and throw it in my suitcase, etc. Of course, that's probably not normal... but I'd wait till Monday or Tuesday even to get a better read on her.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Cherry, when I reply back asking a day, in your opinion, do you think I should bring up the other night at all or hint at my acknowledgement of the silence? (I have replied and just asked a day, nothing more) spookie, no. She was in town.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Have you ever thought, that she might just be the type of person that doesn't want constant communication? That actually is hot and cold, and just didn't feel like communicating much the past few days. Do you really need to get into she did this, she hasn't done this, what does it all mean, when all you've done is kissed and cuddled a bit? Can't you just lay back a bit, play it by ear and see what happens, or do you need some constant validation?
Shygirl15 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Sorry I haven't read every response but from your original post it appears as if she was ready for whatever, but you were a bit too slow for her. This would have been one of those situations that would have made me wonder "gee, what's wrong with him?". Because I normally do not get in bed with a guy for the first time just to get a massage.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Have you ever thought, that she might just be the type of person that doesn't want constant communication? That actually is hot and cold, and just didn't feel like communicating much the past few days. Do you really need to get into she did this, she hasn't done this, what does it all mean, when all you've done is kissed and cuddled a bit? Can't you just lay back a bit, play it by ear and see what happens, or do you need some constant validation? As most of us have done, we have talked for many hours over the past few weeks. though it's a minor investment, it still is one. I agree that some people don't want constant communication. That is why I am slow to reply to her. As I said earlier, she is the one who texted me daily. She called me almost every day when she got out of work just to say hello.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Sorry I haven't read every response but from your original post it appears as if she was ready for whatever, but you were a bit too slow for her. This would have been one of those situations that would have made me wonder "gee, what's wrong with him?". Because I normally do not get in bed with a guy for the first time just to get a massage. Perhaps... but in one of my replies, I stated that both of us did agree that we preferred to take it slow and not rush into sex. If it is true then I guess that's a downfall of being a gentleman and not a hornball.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Cherry, when I reply back asking a day, in your opinion, do you think I should bring up the other night at all or hint at my acknowledgement of the silence? (I have replied and just asked a day, nothing more) spookie, no. She was in town. No, I would not mention that night or the silence, as hard as that may be. Just be casual about it. Say, hey, just wondered if you would like to go to dinner Thursday, or whatever.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 No, I would not mention that night or the silence, as hard as that may be. Just be casual about it. Say, hey, just wondered if you would like to go to dinner Thursday, or whatever. I replied not too long after I posted earlier to you. I only asked what day was best... nothing back yet. We shall see. I do agree about what you said stating she should have elaborated. I hate to over-anaylze this because it makes me wonders and only stresses me more. Just not a good week overall for me. Blah.
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Gremio - I gotta say, I feel your pain. I was dating someone who I was having a GREAT time with as well, only to have him completely pull back and/or basically go MIA this entire week. As much as I'd like to believe it's just his schedule and/or holiday related, keeping up with cute texts just is NOT that difficult. The truth is, I just don't think we're on the same page... I decided to write him off and move on. However, I'm not sure I'd advise the same to you.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Gremio - I gotta say, I feel your pain. I was dating someone who I was having a GREAT time with as well, only to have him completely pull back and/or basically go MIA this entire week. As much as I'd like to believe it's just his schedule and/or holiday related, keeping up with cute texts just is NOT that difficult. The truth is, I just don't think we're on the same page... I decided to write him off and move on. However, I'm not sure I'd advise the same to you. Editing...
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 There are other reasons that I'd hate to just let go, but it's TMI and could give up my anonyminity. I totally understand. Trust me, there are plenty of other reasons that I don't like letting this guy go either. In all honesty, if he pops up next week, I know I don't have the strength to tell him I'm over it...because I'm not. *sigh* I'd suggest still dating other people though, that way when momentary cool-downs like this happen, you won't be as bothered.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I totally understand. Trust me, there are plenty of other reasons that I don't like letting this guy go either. In all honesty, if he pops up next week, I know I don't have the strength to tell him I'm over it...because I'm not. *sigh* I'd suggest still dating other people though, that way when momentary cool-downs like this happen, you won't be as bothered. Ah, I tried to edit my last comment and typed a long story... grrr!! The other reason is of a professional nature. Completely off topic. I just got back home from a night out with a friend. I'll summarize with that he said. Keep in mind I did not agree with him, just listened to his thoughts on my situation. I'm in my mid 20s and he's in the late 30s. His reasoning for me being where I'm at, in his words, was that "you didn't man up and get the pussy". He believes that since we were in the position we were in (in our underwear, frisky in bed) I should have gone further. I disagreed as I am genuinely interested in her, and prefer to wait, which she even had agreed. He also stated I need to stop thinking like I'm in my 40s and act like a guy in his 20s.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 If you guys both talked about how you wanted to wait before having sex, then you would just be a jerk for "going for it". Like I said earlier, you can get hot and heavy without doing the deed, so to speak.
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with Cherry, to an extent. I didn't have sex with my guy either, because of the desire to not rush things. But if I'm honest with myself, I wanted him to make me make HIM wait. The way things evolved, I've felt like he was making ME wait, which seems odd, as typically guys are the ones "going for it." It's a difficult balance - that is, between being a gentleman and giving the not-that-into-you vibe.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Hmmm....good point Star. It is a delicate balance. But if the guy is a really good kisser and he likes to do it that goes a long way. Bad kisser, no go.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I agree with Cherry, to an extent. I didn't have sex with my guy either, because of the desire to not rush things. But if I'm honest with myself, I wanted him to make me make HIM wait. The way things evolved, I've felt like he was making ME wait, which seems odd, as typically guys are the ones "going for it." It's a difficult balance - that is, between being a gentleman and giving the not-that-into-you vibe. That was something my friend brought up tonight. Give her the power of thinking she is making me wait. That night when we were open with each open, I told her I was very interested in her. Very subtle, but I made sure she knew.
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Very subtle, but I made sure she knew. I don't think subtlety ever works. You can't assume the message is being received the way you intended.
Author Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I don't think subtlety ever works. You can't assume the message is being received the way you intended. Okay... without giving TMI, I was very frisky that evening coming very close to her hoohoo (the word is only a joke, I just love saying it LoL!) when she asks me to rub her thighs, and at one point I think she got the hint I was at attention... In reference to being subtle, I told her I was interested in her but made sure it wasn't in a way such as "omg i just met you not like ago but i like you i need you". I can pretty much quote myself thinking back and said "I want you to know I am very interesting in you... I like you".
Green Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Yeah seriously this one girl who was and is majorily into me kept blowing me off and not calling me back and then after we started dating she told me I must of thought she was horible for doing that and the only reason she didn't come to a party I had invited her to was because she was scared of looking like a loser and having no one to talk to, and that she hadn't called me back on a seperate occasion because she hadn't noticed I had called till late at night and was afraid to disturb me. But I come from a school of thought that involves being very agressive when persuing a girl I like so little things like not calling me back don't stop me unless I stop caring about the girl because of her flakeyness
Star Gazer Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Okay... without giving TMI, I was very frisky that evening coming very close to her hoohoo (the word is only a joke, I just love saying it LoL!) when she asks me to rub her thighs, and at one point I think she got the hint I was at attention... It's easy for a guy to get an erection while STILL not being "into" the girl. Know what I'm saying here? You can be turned on, and still not want to f*ck her. We women WANT to be WANTED. We want to be the ones making you wait, not the other way around. In reference to being subtle, I told her I was interested in her but made sure it wasn't in a way such as "omg i just met you not like ago but i like you i need you". I can pretty much quote myself thinking back and said "I want you to know I am very interesting in you... I like you". You should know something: words mean nothing, not when it comes to conveying interest.
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