So hot and then so cold... completely perplexed.

[Gremio]

I have always been the go-to guy for advice when it comes to relationships. When a friends meets someone, they usually ask me my opinions on if they're a good fit, together, if I think they click, etc. Rarely have I ever asked for advice, but I must admit I am looking for some now.

 

I met someone a few weeks back... and to explain her is quite easy. She is the type that's a perfect 10 (to me). The woman you see out, guys drool over, and are even too scared to say hello without sweating from being so nervous. Truly stunning. She was a friend of a friend, and I didn't know much about her, but I was introduced to her recently. We hit it off almost instantly, exchanging numbers, and not too soon after we started talking until the early morning, texting each other sweet nothing here and there, and so forth.

 

The first night we spent together, all we did was get together at my house and watched a movie together. Completely innocent, but I could tell (in my opinion) she was a little shy... I know I was! The night was wonderful, and we parted ways.

 

We talked everyday for about two weeks... and to be honest, I am intentionally taking it slow. I don't respond immediately, I hold back on contacting her, as I know how smothering works. I am making sure not to do it, but also keeping in mind not to ignore her.

 

Now here comes my dilemma... A few nights ago was wonderous in my eyes. She came to my home, she had a small gift for me, as I did for her too. Trinkets honestly, but the type of small thing that really means something. I made some desert for us, and fed both of us it while we chatted on the couch. We watched a movie together, and almost immediately she asked if she could rest her legs on me. I happily obliged. We got comfortable during the movie (nothing sexual) and laid together... and as it ends, our first kiss. Before you know it, it's the early morning and she is falling asleep next to me on my couch. I whisper asking if she wants to go home or would she like to lay in my bed and fall asleep... she preferred the latter.

 

We went to bed together (before minds wonder, we did not have sex) and in my opinion, really connected. We laid in my bed for hours at that point, me massaging her, kissing her back gently in between exchanging our pasts. She was very comfortable, asking me to massage specific areas of her body... her skin smooth as silk. Some may ask why there wasn't intercourse... but part of our talks, and something that both of us agreed upon, was that it is never good to have sex too soon. We thought alike that it is best to wait, as it makes that moment so much more special.

 

The next morning, she was more tired than I, and I let her sleep while I got work done at home. I made coffee for her as I knew she would love some when she would wake up. We talked for about an hour over coffee... she had to leave for work and we parted ways.

 

Honestly, that quite sums it up at this point. That was four days ago now. Since then, she has been a ghost. The texts all but stopped... and not even a phone call. I understand the holidays late in the week, but I'm completely perplexed. Her last text seems so flirty and sincere, yet she is all but non-responsive at this point. I'm at a crossroad because I don't want to contact her (as I know how to take a hint) and I firmly believe that no one is ever too busy to not contact you... not even a few minute phone call.

 

So here I am asking your opinions at this point.

[Green]

seriously I don't mind like seeming like a creep who couldn't take the hint... I'd recomend contacting her and inviting her to do something if she keeps blowing you off then you can take the hint. Hey this is exactly the reason you didn't have sex with her... because things like this happen with people you don't know that well... If it makes you feel better I did sleep with a girl I'm currently seeing to soon and now it feels like the crap hit the fan

[Gremio]

I don't see how our night not ending with sex could be the culprit of this quietness. We clicked because our feelings were very similar... we are very open people and have very few sex partners by choice As I said, she even agreed that she prefers to wait when I said that to her as we laid in bed in our underwear, cuddling.

 

This is so frustrating to me because I am not the type to date anyone. I am very picky when it comes to dating. I don't date multiple people, and she is the only woman I have been seriously interested in in over a year.

 

All I can say is... AHH!

[movingonandon]

um, what you describe is nice'n sweet, but certainly not 'hot' and hardly consequential; just call her, if she blows you off twice, move on...

[Gremio]

She works a late shift, and our schedules our pretty opposite. We don't talk on the phone that much, moreso through text when she is working.

 

My main problem at this point is what to say. The last text I received was a couple days ago, and as I said previously, seemed flirtatious to me. If I did call her, which I hesitate to do as to not seem needy/desperate, I'm not too sure what to say. I only bring this up because the silence of the past few days bothers me, and makes me want to ask why, but I know better not to ask.

 

Relationships are always funny things.

[Star Gazer]

It's completely unclear to me what, if any, efforts YOU have made to contact her in the past 4 days. Please explain.

[Gremio]

It's completely unclear to me what, if any, efforts YOU have made to contact her in the past 4 days. Please explain.

 

*grabs phone* Three texts Wednesday, she replied once. Sent her a message for Thanksgiving, received one back. The last texts I sent were on the 27th, one asking a direct question about her plans for that evening, and another saying good night. There hasn't been a response since mid-day the 27th. I have only called her once, since as I said earlier, our schedules conflict and it is hard for us to talk on the phone.

 

I now realize that communication didn't cease in four days, but the situation seemed to dwindle since the last time I saw her, which I explained late in the first post. I give this much info because before the other night we were together, she contacted me all the time. She would always text me, call me as soon as she left work and would wake me up, which I never minded because I enjoyed talking to her.

[Green]

I wasn't implying you should have had sex I was just pointing out this is the reason you didn't have sex... because if you had sex with her now you'd be even more depressed. I say move on if you've really been trying to contact her and she ignores you... Try inviting her to something and see how she responds

[BlueHarvest]

It is the holidays you know, she probably has other friends and family to think about.

 

How long you two been seeing each other? 1 month? Less? More? You have to take all this into context. Respond with how long ya'll been with each other and I'll try to help you out with more info.

[Gremio]

I wasn't implying you should have had sex I was just pointing out this is the reason you didn't have sex... because if you had sex with her now you'd be even more depressed. I say move on if you've really been trying to contact her and she ignores you... Try inviting her to something and see how she responds

 

I'm gonna throw out my thoughts... which is very abnormal for me...

 

I was thinking about calling her a bit later before she goes to work, and if she doesn't answer, leave a message asking to go out soon. This is why I hesitate: I am a very die-hard, strict person. I feel strong in my thinkings, such as a person should never disappear (I take that as a strong hint), cheat (should NEVER happen), and so forth. My concern is that now that this has happened (the silence, which is unusual) I see it as a lack of communication and/or non-interest (which I cannot fathom based on our past, her saying things as "we" when we were together).

 

Perhaps I am just way over-thinking things... AHH. It's been a crazy week.

[Gremio]

It is the holidays you know, she probably has other friends and family to think about.

 

How long you two been seeing each other? 1 month? Less? More? You have to take all this into context. Respond with how long ya'll been with each other and I'll try to help you out with more info.

 

We met each other the beginning of the month, and have talked every day for three weeks. We've been together alone twice.

 

Honestly, I look at myself in a third person POV and I see myself as over-thinking, it's just been a rough week overall and is causing my mind to overthink everything right now.

 

I absolutely agree about the spending other time with other people. The only reply I can say to that is that since we have talked everyday, her texting me when she was at work, calling me when she left, and then ceasing completely has me lost, especially after the last night we spent together was, in my mind, a wonderful night.

[Green]

Try not to think about it just give it your best shot which in my opinion means, acting cool (not asking her whats wrong) and trying to invite her to something fun like a good concert... other then that don't torment yourself with this

[prettybaby]

Just call her already. You're afraid to look needy, but it seems like you're more likely to come across as cold instead. Why do you impose yourself so many rules? The way you picture this situation in your head and the way it comes across to her is probably totally opposite.

[BlueHarvest]

Just call her already. You're afraid to look needy, but it seems like you're more likely to come across as cold instead. Why do you impose yourself so many rules? The way you picture this situation in your head and the way it comes across to her is probably totally opposite.

 

Baby speaks the truth. Calling her once in 4 days is not considered needy at all.

 

I've been seeing this girl the same amount you have right now. We call each other every 2-4 days. It varies but there is no set pattern but that's about the skinny of it. Just call when it feels natural. Let things flow naturally and try not to over-think the situation.

 

People like you and me tend to over-analyze every little detail. We look at the details and think that every small comment is a comment directed purposefully and harshly at us.

 

Read this and you'll see some of the same issues I was experiencing. Maybe it'll give you some insight.

[Gremio]

Just call her already. You're afraid to look needy, but it seems like you're more likely to come across as cold instead. Why do you impose yourself so many rules? The way you picture this situation in your head and the way it comes across to her is probably totally opposite.

 

It's possible. The biggest wonder I have is that when we spent the night together last, I told her I had feelings for her, which was part of our hours long conversation. We opened up to each other greatly, which is why I don't see how I am being cold on my end. I have texted her the past few days but she has been silent. I am concerned that since I told her that, maybe that was the issue. There are so many "what ifs". I'm hoping that by me opening up perhaps caused her to lose interest, but I never got that vibe from her.

 

Why so many rules? Well, perhaps it's part of my learning experiences growing up. My first LTR was seven years ago. I had some bad gut feelings from the start, but wanted to work things out. Communication wasn't there, and after three years together and some mental and physical abuse by her, we separated. I still think back and should have trusted my gut before the relationship lingered and the abuse started.

 

My last LTR had issues, and one #1 rule that I tell everyone is to never get back together after you break up, as you break up for a reason(s), and it will always happen again. I didn't listen to myself and tried it... of course it didn't work out again and another life lesson was learned.

 

I know that was a long explanation, but that is why I am so strict. I failed to listen to my gut and rules in the past, and have only been burned by doing so.

[Gremio]

Baby speaks the truth. Calling her once in 4 days is not considered needy at all.

 

I've been seeing this girl the same amount you have right now. We call each other every 2-4 days. It varies but there is no set pattern but that's about the skinny of it. Just call when it feels natural. Let things flow naturally and try not to over-think the situation.

 

People like you and me tend to over-analyze every little detail. We look at the details and think that every small comment is a comment directed purposefully and harshly at us.

 

Read this and you'll see some of the same issues I was experiencing. Maybe it'll give you some insight.

 

Thank you for the reply and the link. I will read it ASAP.

 

I will call her in a bit. We don't call much but mainly text. We probably have hundreds of texts but only less than 10 phone calls since we met because of our schedules. Her calling me isn't the concern... what has been eating me is how quick she was to talk to me before, asking me how my day is, texting when she got to work, etc. It's eating me because I know it takes five seconds to do that simple action, but it hasn't been done recently.

[Cat66]

You sound as lost and confused as I am. How could everything be so seemingly perfect then NOTHING!

 

 

I completely agree with what you said "I firmly believe that no one is ever too busy to not contact you... not even a few minute phone call."

 

I think they are only too busy when they just arent interested. What other reasons are there besides the ones you mentioned in my post, and still even then, NOTHING?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I think at this point that you just need to ask her to do something. She may be feeling vulnerable, too, after that last episode. She may be thinking, gee, I really poured my heart out to this guy and he hasn't asked to see me again. What's up????

 

If she is not interested, you will know because she will make excuses as to why she can't hang out. They will sound really legit, so you will tend to believe them, but the next thing you know...she's just not really around anymore.

 

Good luck with this one.

 

Also, just because you don't want to have sex, doesn't mean you can't get a little hot and heavy, you know what I mean? It sounds like it was all wine and rose petals, soft kisses and sweet nothings. I know some people like that, but a lot of us want a little more manliness in the bedroom.

[Gremio]

Cherry, I called her a bit ago. No answer, so I left a message. We shall see.

 

I did ask her about her plans Wednesday, but that was never answered.

 

I will say this about the other night. It was sweet and cuddly, but after a short time, I was definately frisky with my hands... on the brink of brushing against her but extremely cautious not to overstep any boundaries.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I think that she lost interest after the night together. That sounded kind of intimate and she might now be scared that you have strong feelings for her and she is not on the same page.

[spookie]

I see a couple of possibilities here:

 

- She is annoyed at your texts because she is one of those people (like me) who finds texts infuriatingly annoying. Esp. the ones prodding you for conversation. Sweet nothing ("Happy Thanksgiving!!!" etc.) texts I completely ignore; "How was your weekend?" ones just piss me off. If you really want to know, stop being a pussy about it and call me and ask.

 

- The lack of anything sexual happening that night could be indicative of her lack of serious attraction toward you. I know if my crush and I ever came anywhere near a bed, we wouldn't able to "just cuddle" in our underwear; we'd melt into each other, instead. That's what strong feelings for someone SHOULD make you want to do. There's something to be said about taking it slow, but when your definition of slow involved sleeping in the same bed and not messing around, I think that means you're close friends who are lonely, not lovers. Taking it slow with someone you really like means staying out of the bedroom altogether, IMO, until some commitment has been established. In every R I've ever had where I wanted to cuddle but not to fcvk, I was just using the person as a therapist and a warm body. So, she might be blowing you off cause she wasn't that into you in the first place.

[Isolde]

I disagree with Spookie. There are many reasons why I would want to only cuddle and kiss with someone this soon in a relationship (though it would probably be VERY difficult to get near a bed). I don't think any of us can say for sure if she's into you. You need to ask her out, clearly and definitively, one more time.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I agree with spookie on the texts. I'm extremly annoyed when someone texts me any of these: How was your weekend, How have you been, What's new and How are you. I tend to just ignore those texts.

[luverly]

You're right you do seem to be the guy version of me lol. I am way too headsy as well. I think you should take a step back and look at it objectively. If things were moving forward and then all of a sudden it stops...there has to be something wrong. There can be a myriad of reasons why, but it seems like something is off if she is so cold now.

[Gremio]

I'm glad you replied spookie. To both of your ideas:

 

1) I don't see that as a possibility. She was the one to text me all of the time. She would ask me how my day is, when I was up to, and always want to chat.

 

2) That may be a possibility and has been on my mind. Trust me, I wanted to ravish her, but I am genuinely interested in her. Since it was our second time together alone, I didn't want to push anything. When we started our talks while laying together I was very romantic yet frisky too. I touched her all over... she even asked me to put caress her in specific areas, so she was very comfortable with me.

 

I will elaborate a bit more which I did not include in my OP. After we got back to my house that night, she immediately asked to rest her legs I me. I massaged her legs for a short while during that and was being very flirtatious. Just a bit after that she started getting very comfortable and started removing clothing such as a her top shirt, then her bra (just wearing a small tank top). We laid together on my couch and finished the movie. That's when I offered for her to stay. She was happy to, and undressed down to her underwear. That's when we laid in my bed, chatted, teased, tickled, etc...