ellie01 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Hi Guys, just trying to take my mind off of the fact that my ldr boyfriend is at a bucks-show weekend at the moment. I encourage him to go have fun with his friends and haven't let on that I'm uncomfortable with him going to a bucks show. I just don't like the thought of out-of-control image you get when you think of what goes on at those occasions. paranoid?! maybe. does everyone one get a little anxious when their SO is out getting drunk and playing up? Is it normal to feel like that?!
Geishawhelk Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Your parachute's stuck shut....... it's a long fall.
Author ellie01 Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 haha! Probably true at the moment! I need to take my own advice hey - trust and get over it
Geishawhelk Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Would he have told you about it, if he'd wanted to hide anything? The other factor is - you don't 'own' him. The emotional commitment is there, but people really have a right to behave in a way they see fit. Your job is to deal with you, at your end. If he does anything to betray your trust, yet again, the only way you can deal with it is to address how it makes you feel, and go from there. Changing the behaviour/manner of others, is impossible. Changing ourselves, our perception, our opinion - is all we can do.
Author ellie01 Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 It has nothing to do with owning someone, which I don't believe you can either. As I said I encourage him to go out with his friends like I do with mine. We have a very solid 6 year relationship 4 of which weren't long distance. I just hate the thought of out of control drinking for a whole weekend and having naked women dancing in his face.
Adunaphel Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 This is not advice (I am not the right person to give good advice on such matters), just a thought, but I wonder if it is the best idea not to let him know that you feel unconfortable about it. I think that the feeling of "having to get over something" can damage a relationship. Anyway, to answer your question, I think it would be normal for many women to feel a little anxious, and a few (like myself) would be freaking out. It sounds like you are handling it quite well.
Geishawhelk Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 It has nothing to do with owning someone, which I don't believe you can either. As I said I encourage him to go out with his friends like I do with mine. We have a very solid 6 year relationship 4 of which weren't long distance. I just hate the thought of out of control drinking for a whole weekend and having naked women dancing in his face. No sorry, I wasn't really implying you did own him. Bad term. No offence. But you're level-headed enough to know what I mean. He's in a bit of a cleft stick here, isn't he.....? Looks bad if he doesn't go (his friends might give him a hard time) and looks bad if he does (it worries you, as above....) Let me tell you a story. True. My partner used to be a Regional Director of a company where the majority of his colleagues and subordinates were men. (He was director of Sales and Installations for a major household Power Supplier) They had loads of "boys' night-out"s and he obviously, as a Director and group co-ordinator, was either roped into going, or was expected to attend. An awful lot of these evenings were....how shall we put it.... distinctly in favour of 'men's tastes'. He hated them. Still does. (He never looks at porn, hates girlie magazines, and is just not inclined towards any kind of commercial, public sexual diversion or amusement, at all. I would add that our relationship is the best one I have ever been in. There are no problems in the bedroom department! ) But he had to go along with it, "for the ride" as it were. And he made out it was a good night, and an enjoyable occasion... because it's what a guy is supposed to like, and do, huh? However, on one occasion, he and some of the guys were discussing a particular bawdy men's evening, and somehow, it came out that one of them actually confessed he didn't really like doing things of this kind. At least 4 other guys in the room agreed with him. Those kinds of evenings began to tail off, until, by the time he left, they'd gone down from once a week, to maybe twice in 6 months. My point is, I think some guys do just go along with the others, because it's expected of them. Just a contribution.........
cybersister Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I agree that it does no harm to let him know your concern. Also ( I too am in a LDR) we just agree if we are going to go to party that we will text when we are home safely. Yes, occasionally one might have a bit much to drink and not remember to text, but it is the best balance we can find to say that we each have our own lives but we recognise that as human beings it is normal to worry, and even doubt from time to time, and we do our best to reassure each other that all is well. I would hate for him to think i did not care where he went or what he did, so if I am concerned, feeling jealous or insecure I tell him so.
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