Gremio Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 That's what I've been doing so far, and I didn't know women did this all the time. But I just wonder if there is something dishonest about it, or what my responsibility in terms of letting them know is. Maybe none? I don't know, this is a new circumstance for me. I agree with the dishonest part. I am a male in my 20s and never dated as you're stating, and I don't agree with it. If you're interested in someone, spend time to develop that relationship. Seeing multiple people will tear you in two directions, and someone will be hurt no matter what way you go. After reading your story, I get the feeling you're not going to be happy with either person in the long run.
SushiX Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 naaahhh.. it's way easier than you think... just make sure they don't show up at once.. (keep a log ) My gosh lizzie, you're such a heartbreaker! I better watch out for women like you. So dangerous!
Author Capricciosa Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Especially if you were possibly sleeping with him. Because this is deception no matter what you want to call it. I already said that is not my intention.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 After reading your story, I get the feeling you're not going to be happy with either person in the long run. Well I don't even know that (except for guy one), so how could you??
MN randomguy Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I know that this happens, but once a week sex doesn't really cut it as a full blown relationship for me. When he was courting me, it was different, lots of dates, daily calls, etc. But this is now our rhythm, which is ok on a practical level, but not really evolving. I don't think the possibility is really there. But I think I'm experiencing the bird in the hand syndrome. I think he's got bird in the hand syndrome too. What's your 10 year plan? Why stay with someone you don't see long term with when it seems to be getting in the way of moving on. I agree with other posters about not sleeping with them both. Not only STDs but, the emotional pull of it. Life is not always about being happy and comfortable - since the things we desire most require payment - whether it be tangible or not. Take body sculpting - you can either spend $$$$ for the gastric bypass, dieticians, personal trainers or spend the time/effort to do it yourself. My interpretation of this.. Doing what is the easiest over the short term all of the time will not lead to fulfillment. You may have to dump guy 1 with no promises that guy 2 will work out. Can you handle being single? Wouldn't that be the best way to be if guy #3 comes along, who is what you really want? Nothing worth having comes for free. To answer your first question: I don't have any moral objections to dating two people at the same time, if neither thinks that they're exclusive. I just don't see the point if it isn't the case that they both have potential.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Well I don't even know that (except for guy one), so how could you?? With #2, you said he is on a sabbatical and may not be here after next year. If things do get serious, things may end in failure and you won't have any way of fixing it.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 I think he's got bird in the hand syndrome too. What's your 10 year plan? Why stay with someone you don't see long term with when it seems to be getting in the way of moving on. I agree with other posters about not sleeping with them both. Not only STDs but, the emotional pull of it. My interpretation of this.. Doing what is the easiest over the short term all of the time will not lead to fulfillment. You may have to dump guy 1 with no promises that guy 2 will work out. Can you handle being single? Wouldn't that be the best way to be if guy #3 comes along, who is what you really want? Nothing worth having comes for free. To answer your first question: I don't have any moral objections to dating two people at the same time, if neither thinks that they're exclusive. I just don't see the point if it isn't the case that they both have potential. You're a wise man randomguy. All that you say makes absolute sense. But 10 year plans are not my style, and I've been single plenty, so that is not a problem as much as letting go of something pleasant enough for something unknown right now. We've only met up 4 times so far. I was thinking earlier how i'd never been to guy 1's house the whole time we've been going out. Clearly not my boyfriend. I guess I've been killing time with him, on the fence about staying or going even before guy 2 became a possibility. Guy 1 has just been very easy up until now (still is). But a funny thing happened. I thought I saw a mouse a little while ago and I wondered which guy to call, 'cause I'm stereotypically scared of mice. Guy 1 came to mind first. But then I thought Guy 2 might be able to catch that mouse for me too. I've just gotten a little used to Guy 1 in our short time together. So it's a bit hard to say goodbye anyway. Perhaps the mouse catching can be the test for Guy 2. If he catches the mouse, I'll dump Guy 1 and take my chances. Does that sound fair?
Author Capricciosa Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 With #2, you said he is on a sabbatical and may not be here after next year. If things do get serious, things may end in failure and you won't have any way of fixing it. It's true, but most things have the possibility of ending in failure. I think regrets are worse than trying something and not succeeding in general. And he may get a job here. He's looking. But I appreciate you paying attention to all the details. And that too (sabbatical) is on my mind. (And by the way, I now saw a mouse for sure. eek!)
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