maxcherry90 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I am eighteen years old, and this Fall, for the first time in my life (and despite two previous relationships which didn't nearly hold the depth this recent one did), I found myself falling madly in love with someone. We were intensely drawn to each other from the get-go and on the basis of a whole lot of common ground (both of us have been through a lot of **** in our thus-short lifetimes; we both live in the same area; have same sense of humor; crave intelligent partners; wildly attracted to each other physically). Throughout September, we carried on a spectacular relationship, constantly making love and spending endless evenings together, often to the point where we wouldn't get sleep and thus wound up going into classes the following morning in the most groggy of states. We were simply head-over-heels, and admitted to each other early on that it was a blessing we found each other; that our relationship was one of the best things to ever occur in our respective lives. Then, October came around, and I began feeling a growing disconnect between the two of us. One day, we'd be making out and dancing in the streets with joy and laughter following a wonderful date; the next, she'd be in a rather disinterested state, not particularly enthusiastic about just even holding my hand. I'd feel as though I was occasionally forcing kisses upon her, and making love eventually became entirely obsolete. I soon began to resent her, as she'd claim too busy to spend any evenings together just the two of us because of too much a workload of homework...and yet would nevertheless go out to the frat parties over the weekend (I don't drink/smoke, and thus never accompanied her). I'd ask how she could ever side with a party over her boyfriend, and she claimed she didn't want to feel guilty over making her roommate/bff go to the parties all alone. Eventually, I began consulting with mutual friends over the relationship, and they seemed befuddled by her behavior (and continue to express confusion whenever the subject comes up). A few weeks ago, I staged a last-ditch effort to interject fuel into our relationship. I took us out for a night on the town, and she had an absolute ball. She was so happy and we talked endlessly. Later that evening, we went to a party with a bunch of mutual friends, and that went alright...until the walk back home. She seemed so depressed and down, and wasn't saying a word to anyone. She just kept glaring out into the distance, and hardly responded when I tried to communicate with her. It was soon that she pulled me aside and expressed her desire to "take a break." That she felt as though she was being a terrible girlfriend, could not possibly be the sort of girlfriend I deserve, and that she goes through this stage every year around the dawning of Christmas time wherein she gets massively depressed (her explaination for not wanting to make love anymore). She said "it wouldn't be long" in regards to us taking a break. The following evening, we had another conversation in which I expressed my understanding of her feelings and acceptance of taking a break if that's what it takes to make us both as content as possible. She said that it's not that she doesn't like me, but that she cannot be my girlfriend right now. I found myself on the verge of tears throughout the whole conversation, and in response to asking her how she was able to keep it together and stay so strong/stoic throughout, she said "I guess I've just had more time for it to sink it. I literally stared at my laptop for two hours last night thinking about nothing but this." So, there it is. It's about three weeks later, and I feel like I've moved on. I'm drawn to other women. I'm not getting worked up or emotional over my ex. Even better, I have been able to communicate with my ex without any issues (we're in the same social circle, so avoiding each other would be a complex task anyway), most recently this past Wednesday where we wished each other the happiest of holiday breaks. Heck, she's even fixed my hair on a number of occasions and laughs hysterically at just about every joke I make. In the end, I cannot help but analyze it all...is there a possible reconciling that perhaps awaits us? If so, I could not help but be drawn back from a quest in pursuing other women, even if I know that's not the "right" thing to do. I look back at September, and yearn for all the wonderful feelings that came with the relationship that month...and then recall October, and all the frustration and headaches that came of that. My friends agree that I must move on (to which I concur), but nevertheless have expressed so much confusing and bewilderment toward what she wants and what she meant...is it "taking a break" or an official "break-up"? So, as a whole, I suppose I'm in a position of being whole-heartedly interested in finding myself in another relationship, and being "officially over" my ex...and yet still occasionally drawn into analyzing the whole thing.
Chivalri Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I am a lot like you in that I will go over and over my past relationships to find out where it went wrong, what might have been different, if the future holds promise, etc etc. Eventually I wind up either getting tired of it and moving on, or having a breakthrough in understanding. The one thing analysis never seems to change though, is the outcome. I have been in a similar situation where I was drawn back in after several months of 'break', and it was a similar whirlwind all over again. Still, it ended the same and in the end all I was left with is more hurt. Years later, I reflect back on it and wish I had continued pursuit of certain other women I had become close to in the meantime, but which I held off with the potential for a re-occurance. It never seems to work getting back together like that, but I also realize how hard it is to avoid It may be hard, but it might be good for you to pull away from her as much as possible, find some other people. Your relationship was very short, which should tell you something about your possible future together. If this happened after barely a month, how would a year with her be? 5 years? Try to move on, separate yourself from her, and find someone who appreciates you for more then a couple weeks of fun.
Cub Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Wow! This is extremely reminiscent of my own situation; although that fact both intrigues and perturbs me. The length, the month, her gradual distance and her presence in my social circle... I may have to use you as the control in this little social experiment of mine! But that's for later. For now, I'll tell you the reason the girl I'm dealing with pushed me away, which should tell you why your situation perturbs me; my ex had another guy on the brain. I don't know the details, but I'm pretty sure he was there before me, so she may have been using me to get over him, but it all went awry when he returned. Not to say that you're in the same situation, but I can't imagine why else she would start pushing you away so suddenly. Still, my prescription is the same: avoid the hell out of her. The girl I'm dealing with was doing the same mixed signal BS, so I know how confusing it is, but the best way to discern her intentions is to ignore her. She pushed you, now push back, friend! You may have to avoid hanging with your mutual friends while she's around, and miss out on some fun events because of her attendance (it sucks, I know), but you'll be better off in the long-run; either you'll be over her fully or she'll come running back before Christmas.
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