Running Away

[TeaAbraham]

My ex and I just moved to this wonderful town this past August. It is so beautiful and pretty much perfect in every way that is important to me. I am going to the university, which offers every program I wanted, and then some, and is especially great as it is in the middle of this great town. I have a great job, I can work from home and the pay is good. There are so many opportunities here for me. The university is a leader in the field that is most important to me. The people are nice, I am 30 minutes away from a big city. I am at the foot of the mountains, I can drive 20 minutes and be in alpine paradise.

 

Everything was so perfect, but now I just feel like running away from it all. It was horrible seeing my ex and my best friend together. Everything seems tainted. Everything reminds me of them. Everything has lost it's spark. I want to go somewhere far away where I know I will never run into them, and where I can start anew. Pretty puerile, I know.

 

I feel like if I stay here, however, I will know that I have truly moved on from the situation, and that I didn't just run away from my issues. Obviously I am in a pretty unique situation in that I can move away if I wished to, and there is nothing substantial keeping me here. Actually, I wouldn't really be able to move away for 8 months, and by then I shouldn't feel the need anymore. Gah. I guess the trouble is if I wanted to apply to a new school I would have to do it by the new year.

 

Anyway... just feeling like running away from it all.

[Surfer Dude]

I understand how you feel.

 

I was in a LDR with my ex, we never lived in the same city, but I'm still sometimes haunted by memories of her when I go certain places. If I stay in my room longer than a few minutes, I start remembering great times we had there.

 

The problem is that all those places have been stained only in our minds. That's why so many therapists recommend moving out and finding a new place to live after traumatic breakups and divorces. It just becomes difficult to enjoy anything in that town/house/living space/whatever.

 

I can't help you much if you're unhappy with the town where you live, but as for living space, you can always rearrange furniture a bit and make some changes, it really does help a lot.

[UnamedSeven]

It was horrible seeing my ex and my best friend together. Everything seems tainted. Everything reminds me of them. Everything has lost it's spark. I want to go somewhere far away where I know I will never run into them, and where I can start anew. Pretty puerile, I know.

I made the mistake of getting my best friend and my ex together (the 2 friends i mentioned earlier in a different post that you Quoted me on. They were the same two that i haven't 'lost' but i am losing them). Me and my ex were pretty close friends and we were over one of my long-time friends houses' and i started to act all clingy and crap and she fell for it.

 

She called the next day to break it off due to her liking my best friend.

 

I was devastated and all i originally wanted was for her to be happy. "If shes not happy with me," i thought, "then she has to be happy with the one person she truly likes, my best friend." So, i got them together and they are still together (since June) and my life has never gone so downhill. They constantly hang out as much as they can (because they now go to different highschools) leaving me with absolutely no one to talk to. They say they are there, and they thank me for getting the both of them together, but that was only because i was about to cut all ends. They were determined to feed me lies in order for me to stay.

 

I feel like if I stay here, however, I will know that I have truly moved on from the situation, and that I didn't just run away from my issues. Obviously I am in a pretty unique situation in that I can move away if I wished to, and there is nothing substantial keeping me here. Actually, I wouldn't really be able to move away for 8 months, and by then I shouldn't feel the need anymore. Gah. I guess the trouble is if I wanted to apply to a new school I would have to do it by the new year.

 

Anyway... just feeling like running away from it all.

I implore you, do whatever it takes to stay where you are. I have empathy for you for most of this situation, and you cant let yourself be over-run by the past. I have never let go of the past, and i don't think i can. I've basically just stopped remembering.

 

if you are able to take a few minutes, please read this. Thanks a bunch! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171495/

[norajane]

You can "run away" by doing things that you didn't do with her. By trying new things, trying different activities, going to different hang-outs, restaurants, bars, neighborhoods.

 

When I broke up with my ex, one of the most liberating things for me was not giving a sh*t anymore what the weather was like. He was a big outdoor sports nut, and our relationship revolved around the weather and if he could ride his bike, swim, play softball or football, work on his house, blahdeblah, or if the weather was bad then he'd want to spend the whole time with me. I LOVED that a sunny, beautiful day meant I could enjoy it without caring that I wouldn't be seeing him b/c his sports would take precedence. I LOVED that I was free to plan events based on what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, and not based on whether it was raining and ex would want to do something with me, to squeeze it in between sunny days.

 

You are FREEEEE! You can do anything and everything. Don't let your past with her limit you!

[davidjor]

funny story here, i once dated this girl for 5 1/2 years and we broke up for a number of reasons. Anyway, within 2 weeks she started dating this guy she worked with. Needless to say, i was devastated i would call her house and they would both laugh at how devastated i was.... He, would answer her phone and tell me how the would have sex in my bed bla bla bla. Anyway, after about 2 weeks i went totally NC with her for about 3 years. Then, after 3 years we happen to both do a benefit motorcycle poker run to raise money for a kid with cancer. In which time i ran into her and her at the time husband (the guy she started dating and was laughing at me).... Anyway, we were all three standing talking, she started telling me about her new Lexus... I looked at her husband and said "YOU KNOW WHAT MIKE, ? I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU HAVE TO PAY THOSE 600.00 PER MONTH CAR PAYMENTS NOT ME....." and i started laughing at him....

 

it was revenge, and to this day i talk to her about once a month. I get to hear how much she regrets us breaking up, and how our lives would be if we were together now.... All i can say, is we all make decisions we have to live with the rest of our lives... Once i start moving forward and get over a relationship, there is no way i ever step back into it with the same girl.

 

'THE OLD SAYING GOES, SHE MADE HER BED NOW SHE HAS TO LAY IN IT"

 

NEXT !!!

[Sysyphus28]

My ex and I just moved to this wonderful town this past August. It is so beautiful and pretty much perfect in every way that is important to me. I am going to the university, which offers every program I wanted, and then some, and is especially great as it is in the middle of this great town. I have a great job, I can work from home and the pay is good. There are so many opportunities here for me. The university is a leader in the field that is most important to me. The people are nice, I am 30 minutes away from a big city. I am at the foot of the mountains, I can drive 20 minutes and be in alpine paradise.

 

Everything was so perfect, but now I just feel like running away from it all. It was horrible seeing my ex and my best friend together. Everything seems tainted. Everything reminds me of them. Everything has lost it's spark. I want to go somewhere far away where I know I will never run into them, and where I can start anew. Pretty puerile, I know.

 

I feel like if I stay here, however, I will know that I have truly moved on from the situation, and that I didn't just run away from my issues. Obviously I am in a pretty unique situation in that I can move away if I wished to, and there is nothing substantial keeping me here. Actually, I wouldn't really be able to move away for 8 months, and by then I shouldn't feel the need anymore. Gah. I guess the trouble is if I wanted to apply to a new school I would have to do it by the new year.

 

Anyway... just feeling like running away from it all.

 

I saw her and a "mutual friend" hanging out in the new town we moved too. I think you should stay in this cool town and enjoy and explore it alone. You will do fine without her. I am.

It takes a little while but all of a sudden you feel self-empowered. It is gradual and NC is important.

[EmperorR]

I feel the same way but I won't let her win, I'll stay in this damn apartment. SLeep in the same damn bed and go to the places I took her, she can't still my joy or my mind.

 

Happiness si teh best revenge.

[TeaAbraham]

You can "run away" by doing things that you didn't do with her. By trying new things, trying different activities, going to different hang-outs, restaurants, bars, neighborhoods.

Good advise norajane. I can run away in a different way.

 

I feel the same way but I won't let her win, I'll stay in this damn apartment. SLeep in the same damn bed and go to the places I took her, she can't still my joy or my mind.

 

Happiness si teh best revenge.

 

Haha Emperor. Yeah, I'm slowly being able to do things that remind me of her. I was able to actually sleep in our bed last night (guess it's just my bed now). I was able to watch that movie that we watched three years ago in the middle of the night after being with each other and making pancakes. Baby steps.

 

Happiness is good revenge. It upsets me though because the last time I saw her I was telling her how I was going to crumble once she drove away. She said I was going to be fine. I want to be happy, but I don't want her to know that I am fine after what she has done to me. It's not good to show her that you can f*ck people over like she did and they will be A-Ok. I guess that is less important though. I guess being happy even in this apartment and even in this bed and even in this town means that I don't care about you anymore. You mean nothing to me, and I will be happier with someone else than I ever was with you.

 

I still don't want her to know that I am okay granted what she's done. I am not okay yet though, so I guess I don't have to worry about that for a while, haha.