How does this sound?

[UnamedSeven]

Ok well, i've posted my problem here a few times, but i am now ready to talk to my friend (probably ex friend after what i tell her). I would like any and all input please :

 

My mind is trying to forget, what you forgot a very long time ago. You have to understand that while i have liked many girls after you, parts of me have never moved on from you. They never will until all of me considers you as a friend and NEVER as anything more. Until then, we should not be friends so that we can be friends sometime in the future.

 

Its pretty confusing, mainly the last part, but thats all i really have

[Geishawhelk]

You're not ready to talk to your friend, because parts of you don't consider her a friend.

 

Until all of you is over it - you're not over it.

Stay NC.

[Ronni_W]

I agree with Geisha -- if it's a matter of breaking NC to say that you need to stay NC then...???

 

And I agree with you -- it is pretty confusing...and, if I'm interpreting it correctly, it's just saying, "I need to stay NC."

[UnamedSeven]

Thanks for the post. Its going to be really hard to maintain NC because, we both go the same school, and our lockers are close. I've tried to do NC, but i've just found a way to get back. I'm standing firm this time.

 

I told her that i was and have been, very hurt by the past and how it seems that things will never be the same. She was half concerned, and half, not. Which, doesn't cut it for me.

[UnamedSeven]

I agree with Geisha -- if it's a matter of breaking NC to say that you need to stay NC then...???

 

And I agree with you -- it is pretty confusing...and, if I'm interpreting it correctly, it's just saying, "I need to stay NC."

I was more or less telling her that i would maintain a, strict, No Contact to her, so that she doesn't get upset and get pissed at me. Shes done that in the past, and turns the entire situation on me.

 

I was also telling her that by me going NC, there may be a small chance for a friendship, months or years from now. and how, i simply can not live in pain, like i am now.

[Angel1111]

It sounds like a sideways way of saying that you still want to be in a relationship with her. If that's really what you're saying, then say that.

 

If you're trying to get across to her that you can't be friends with her right now, then say that - without the explanation. It just sounds melodramtic and doesn't come across well. Something like, "Sorry, I'm not good at being friends with exes. Maybe someday in the future. Best wishes," should cover it.

[Ronni_W]

I don't know your back-story but...

What would happen (or change) if she did get pissed and upset with you? (That is, why are you still trying to ensure that her feelings are all calm and serene?)

Do YOU want an eventual friendship with her, or is that just her desire that you're trying to fulfill? (That is, is it possible that you're spending too much time trying to make her life pleasant, at the expense of taking care of your own feelings, needs and desires?)

 

EDIT: Angel's suggestion is good, too -- short, sweet and to the point.

[Surfer Dude]

You should try to be honest with yourself about this. Is it really the friendship you want or you're hoping for a relationship in the back of your mind?

 

What would be the point of being friends with her, considering she dumped you? If someone dumps you, they just don't want you in their life anymore. Or at least consider you not to be important enough that they would share something romantic with you.

 

I say, keep your NC and pride, don't let her destroy your self esteem. If she wanted to have anything to do with you, she'd let you know.

[UnamedSeven]

Thanks for the posts guys.

 

Angel1111- The problem is, we were only together for about 12 hours and then she called it off. So, she doesn't even consider herself an ex to me. It would sound weird to her and i wouldn't want to cause pointless drama with her current boyfriend (my best friend) and me. Seeing as, she tells him EVERYTHING. Even the conversations that i tell her not to tell anyone at all, in yet, he still finds out about them. And then, i ask her how he knew about them, and claims she never told him anything.. I never referred to her as an ex, nor does she consider herself one. Basically, she doesn't even count the fact that we ever were together. Although, she knows that there was a small thing between us; But thats really stretching it.

 

Ronni_W- I stopped making her life pleasant shortly after i put her and him together. I realized how dumb i was at trying to make her life good, while seeing my own, fall before my eyes. I always thought that she never even had a good life to begin with. She never met her father, and would rather die then see his face. From what she says, at least. When she does get mad or pissed at me, she generally holds a huge grudge and doesn't even tell me until I decide to talk to her.Which, i want none of that to exist between us. I can never forget what i did to her, and the pain i got, but if thats what it takes so that this whole thing goes down peacefully, then so be it.

 

Surfer Dude-Yes. I completely agree. The whole thing about this is that, ever since i put her and my best friend together, we have never stopped arguing over things that we don't even remember. There could never, ever, be anything more than just a mutual friendship between the two of us. Shes seen almost every side of me, and i still find it hard to believe that she likes me as a friend. The whole dumping and then never talking to you again thing is what i intend on bringing up to her. But, i'm afraid that can start an argument in itself. She just doesn't get it because she thinks that i was cured of everything, when she said she was sorry (which, she hardly says to me anymore). She thinks she is free of everything that was done, while, still gets mad at me for things in the Past.

 

What i am definetly sure of is that i will NOT stay around long enough to see her and my best friend have the time of their lives while im left here to do nothing except deal with the pain. I guess what i really am looking for is a very small friendship between me and her so that it doesn't cause any major problems in the future. Just so that i can see her happy amongst friends, and feel only a little pain.

 

If you want to hear the entire story behind this, feel free to ask or just send a private message and i will be happy to do so

[Angel1111]

You need to just leave this alone and totally forget about sending that message. Just be civil when you're around her and leave it at that.

[Ronni_W]

Well, you actually were NOT "together" -- by any stretch of the imagination or definition of "being together", 12 hours just does not cut it.

 

I searched a few of your earliest posts, and it just does not seem as if this girl was ever into you anywhere close to the crush that you had developed on her...and it seems as if you were aware of that, right from the start of you 'crushing' (in September or October, far as I could make out.)

 

Because you mentioned it twice, how do you feel about your role in putting her and your best friend together? If you knew you had a crush on her, what possessed you to decide to play match-maker for them? Is that possibly part of why it is so tough to let this one go?

 

Put another way, is there any chance of some unconscious guilt/blame or resentment/unforgiveness that you are misdirecting by focusing on 'her and you' (instead of 'him and you')?

 

Your pain is real and valid, but that's not to say it is appropriate for the recent and current circumstances, which I am interpreting as: She is your best friend's girlfriend. You used to have a crush on her that was not reciprocated. You and she may know (or may have known) each other quite well. You never had a "together" of any import. Her loyalties are now to her boyfriend...evidenced by her telling him everything, even stuff you ask to be kept private. Also, she is your best friend's girlfriend.

 

If I'm missing vital info, please feel free to clue me in. Regardless, though, I can't see how you can pull-off NC with your best friend's g/friend (?!?!?) without it negatively impacting your (male) friendship.

 

Internally, it seems that you turned whatever it was that you had with her into something totally different than its reality. To try to resolve that externally -- by dragging her, and consequently him, into your resolution process -- just has potential to turn into an even bigger disaster, IMHO.

[UnamedSeven]

To answer all of your questions Ronni_W, i hate having to multi-quote everything, so i will separate my answer, via paragraph.

 

She does agree that we were never together. Nor does she ever consider us close. She told me that she was so overwhelmed with someone, actually, liking her that her emotions got the best of her. So, it was like she couldn't have said no to me, because, she feels that no one has ever liked her other than her current boyfriend (my best friend). she apologized that this happened, but didn't apologize until well after all of this.

 

I'm not sure how i feel about my 'role' in putting them together. The only thing i wanted, out of everything, was for her to be happy. I had not known of my fate, this pain, and i just thought that if she was happy, then I would be happy. I can clarify on more of this, if it is needed.

 

As for your interpretation, it pretty much is all correct. Other than that i still feel that i have never gotten over her. I always felt just an attachment to her because of everything we have been through. I will continue to post later, but i have to go. I will make sure to answer the rest of your questions soon

[UnamedSeven]

To tell you the truth, the best friend, really doesn't want to get involved whenever something occurs between me and the 'ex'. He doesn't want to be in the fights that me and her always have, which basically happens every time we talk. I mean, to answer Angel's question, i can't keep a friendship with her anymore. We used to laugh and joke around, like it was a daily thing. But now, everything between me and her, consists of fights and for the past month, i have been forcing myself to joke around with her, so that things would start to go well. I just cant see myself being her friend because i will wind up destroying the friendship because of how much we both fight.

 

And yes, this whole thing is a disaster. I think all 3 of us feel that i should just leave. When i tell her this, she insists that i am paranoid and says that she doesn't think that. Its just, they have been keeping their lives a secret from me and i feel that it isn't fair. I tell them everything, and they tell me nothing about their lives. Its like, they both agreed to help me out, while saying NOTHING about the life they both have. I don't want to be in their business, but they just told me, 2 weeks ago, that they became bf and gf. I said that was great, but they also added in that this was on August 15th. They said that they didn't know how i would react to them becoming bf and gf and i was outraged that they kept in a secret for 3 months.

 

I do admit that i still have lingering feelings for the girl, but that doesn't mean i would get all pissed about them becoming bf and gf! all i want is for her to be happy and they just flat out don't trust me anymore!!