Author shylight200 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Yeah, I think I'm going to text him in a few days....I'll wait until the 2 weeks mark. And that'll give me a few days to work up my courage
Angel1111 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Yeah, I think I'm going to text him in a few days....I'll wait until the 2 weeks mark. And that'll give me a few days to work up my courage Bad idea. I don't recommend that at all. Just forget about him. If he calls, great. If not, no big deal. Let it go.
Author shylight200 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Bad idea. I don't recommend that at all. Just forget about him. If he calls, great. If not, no big deal. Let it go. Why is it a bad idea? I know I should let it go but there's a tiny part of me that still keeps hoping he'll call and since he isn't, I figured by texting him just wishing him a good Christmas break or something, I don't really have anything to lose except maybe my pride.
Gremio Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Why is it a bad idea? I know I should let it go but there's a tiny part of me that still keeps hoping he'll call and since he isn't, I figured by texting him just wishing him a good Christmas break or something, I don't really have anything to lose except maybe my pride. By reaching out to him more, and if he continues NC, you will only be more upset.
prettybaby Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 I hate the whole "if he doesn't call, let it go" rule. I mean, says who? If he's not into you, then at least you'll know for sure. I think the proactive approach is great if you know it will stay stuck in your head unless you do something about it. So if it makes you feel better, then go for it. You won't be worse off than if you hadn't done anything. Just make sure not to send anything pathetic lol Be confident, and also make sure that your ego's strong enough to handle a possible rejection. Although, at this point, I can't imagine this guy going "ew, go away" or some stupid crap like that. Even if he does reject your move, he'll probably do it nicely and then you can brush it off and move on with a clear head.
Angel1111 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 By reaching out to him more, and if he continues NC, you will only be more upset. I don't think NC has anything to do with this situaton. He's just a guy she knows who asked her for her number.
Author shylight200 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 By reaching out to him more, and if he continues NC, you will only be more upset. That's very true. If I do and he doesn't respond, I'll be really hurt and sad. But, what if, something happened that's preventing him from calling me? Like, he lost my number or he's shy or waiting for me to call first? omg, I'm becoming so obsessed with this. I can't see myself getting over this until I meet someone else
Author shylight200 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 I hate the whole "if he doesn't call, let it go" rule. I mean, says who? If he's not into you, then at least you'll know for sure. I think the proactive approach is great if you know it will stay stuck in your head unless you do something about it. So if it makes you feel better, then go for it. You won't be worse off than if you hadn't done anything. Just make sure not to send anything pathetic lol Be confident, and also make sure that your ego's strong enough to handle a possible rejection. Although, at this point, I can't imagine this guy going "ew, go away" or some stupid crap like that. Even if he does reject your move, he'll probably do it nicely and then you can brush it off and move on with a clear head. Yeah, I can't see him being mean or rude about it, he's seems like a really nice person. I'm not sure if i can handle rejection, I mean I can...obviously...but I don't know if i want to. I'm still debating it.
prettybaby Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Yeah, I can't see him being mean or rude about it, he's seems like a really nice person. I'm not sure if i can handle rejection, I mean I can...obviously...but I don't know if i want to. I'm still debating it. That's the thing. Don't put yourself in that position unless you're sure you're strong enough to handle it. Right now you have it easy actually. You wait and let things happen if they happen, and if they don't, then you simply have to keep yourself busy for a while until your mind gets over it (which it will, sooner or later). If you're most likely to bump into him again, then there's no real pressure right now, is there?
Angel1111 Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Why is it a bad idea? I know I should let it go but there's a tiny part of me that still keeps hoping he'll call and since he isn't, I figured by texting him just wishing him a good Christmas break or something, I don't really have anything to lose except maybe my pride. In most cases, men do not like women to approach them or who are forward. I know women think this is the modern thing to do but I can tell you that the majority of the time it's a bad idea. This is why a lot of successful and powerful women are alone. Because they never learn to turn it off when they're with a guy. Men get a thrill out of chasing a girl he's attracted to and she takes that away from him when she becomes forward. I've seen this over and over where a woman goes after the guy and it blows up in her face. I know there are guys who say they like it when a woman approaches them, but that's usually about ego, not true love. I'm sure a lot of people will object to what I'm saying - because they always do - but I'm just telling you what I know based on knowledge and experience. All you've gotta do is read a couple of books like 'Venus & Mars on a Date' by John Gray, or 'Getting To I Do' (can't remember the author). These are two of the best books I've ever read about the dynamics between men and women. The 'Getting To I Do' book is really titled wrong in my opinion, because the author encompasses way more than that. All that aside, let's say you call him, and let's say he answers, sounds all excited to hear from you and agrees to a date when the two of you will go out. No matter how things progressed from there, I would always wonder if he was just with me out of convenience, or because he didn't want to be rude and reject me, or what. I would never make peace with the fact that he never called me. Maybe that's just me, but I have to know that a guy is nuts about me and if I chase him, then I'll never know that. I realize that this guy asked for your number, but you don't know what may have transpired since then and you don't know what the cirucmstances are that caused him not to call. If he doesn't answer the phone and never returns your call, you're going to feel even worse. That's why I'm saying just leave it alone. And you may end up screwing up something that could work out - because you don't know for sure that he's not going to call.
Author shylight200 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 In most cases, men do not like women to approach them or who are forward. I know women think this is the modern thing to do but I can tell you that the majority of the time it's a bad idea. This is why a lot of successful and powerful women are alone. Because they never learn to turn it off when they're with a guy. Men get a thrill out of chasing a girl he's attracted to and she takes that away from him when she becomes forward. I've seen this over and over where a woman goes after the guy and it blows up in her face. I know there are guys who say they like it when a woman approaches them, but that's usually about ego, not true love. I'm sure a lot of people will object to what I'm saying - because they always do - but I'm just telling you what I know based on knowledge and experience. All you've gotta do is read a couple of books like 'Venus & Mars on a Date' by John Gray, or 'Getting To I Do' (can't remember the author). These are two of the best books I've ever read about the dynamics between men and women. The 'Getting To I Do' book is really titled wrong in my opinion, because the author encompasses way more than that. All that aside, let's say you call him, and let's say he answers, sounds all excited to hear from you and agrees to a date when the two of you will go out. No matter how things progressed from there, I would always wonder if he was just with me out of convenience, or because he didn't want to be rude and reject me, or what. I would never make peace with the fact that he never called me. Maybe that's just me, but I have to know that a guy is nuts about me and if I chase him, then I'll never know that. I realize that this guy asked for your number, but you don't know what may have transpired since then and you don't know what the cirucmstances are that caused him not to call. If he doesn't answer the phone and never returns your call, you're going to feel even worse. That's why I'm saying just leave it alone. And you may end up screwing up something that could work out - because you don't know for sure that he's not going to call. I've never been the one to make the first move...ever. I've always waited for the guy to initiate things first and just take it from there. That's why this situation is so strange to me, cause I've never had to do anything first, and I've never actually wanted a guy to call me as much as I want him to do. But I know you're right about just forgetting the whole thing and I am trying to but it's just hard to move on from this. I agree with what you wrote about never knowing if he went out with me out of pity or what, but by not calling him, I'll also never know what would have happened if I did call and if he really did want me too. I think I just might delete his number from my cell
Gremio Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 In most cases, men do not like women to approach them or who are forward. I know women think this is the modern thing to do but I can tell you that the majority of the time it's a bad idea. This is why a lot of successful and powerful women are alone. Because they never learn to turn it off when they're with a guy. Men get a thrill out of chasing a girl he's attracted to and she takes that away from him when she becomes forward. I know I am far from the norm with men, but I don't like games. I don't like to chase. I am black or white, yes or no. If she plays hard to but I get the vibe she isn't into me, I'm gone. If she was into me, she acted too immature with games and lost her chance.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I know I am far from the norm with men, but I don't like games. I don't like to chase. I am black or white, yes or no. If she plays hard to but I get the vibe she isn't into me, I'm gone. If she was into me, she acted too immature with games and lost her chance. It's not about playing games, it's about his choice. He asked her for her number. He didn't call. In the unlikelihood that he lost her number, I'm sure he's creative enough that he could find her. Case closed. The other part of that is that most men don't like to be chased, and I personally don't like to chase. I can lose respect for a man really quick if he's too passive. I have to feel valued, and I wouldn't feel that way if I went after him.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I think I just might delete his number from my cell I guess my whole point is, you don't need to do anything. Why lose faith and feel like you've got to write him off? Who says he won't call? I guess I'm the eternal optmist because if I were in your shoes, I'd just assume that he'll call someday and go on with my life. You never know what's going to happen. But if you just have to have an answer, then call him. Do what you think is best. I'm not always right, I'm just letting you know what I think. I was also concerned about how you were saying you had to build up the courage to call him. I took that to mean that you were planning to do something that went against your instinct. Anyway, I hope it all works out because it sounds like you have a real connection with this guy. Honestly, I'm really curious too as to why he hasn't called also. Sounds like he was on the same page as you. Keep us posted.
Isolde Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Angel, I'm no feminist, but I'm not sure that I agree with you completely. Dating isn't a black and white thing. As I told Cherry Blossom, there is such a thing as making your interest clear without overtly *chasing* someone. And, honestly, why do you think a guy chasing a girl denotes sincerity on his part, yet when a girl chases a guy, the guy might just go out with her because he's desperate??? That doesn't make ANY sense. It is just as easy for things to "blow up in your face" if a guy pursues heavily as it is when a girl takes a step forward. Your assessment has some truth in it, but it is way too simplistic. Guys DO like it when a girl shows interest. What they DON'T like is having no room to pursue. See the subtle distinction there? Calling someone is NOT saying, "I'm yours forever, take me." It's just a friendly and nice thing to do. If a guy felt like my calling him once in a while was "taking something away from him," I don't think he'd be the right one for me.
Isolde Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 but I have to know that a guy is nuts about me and if I chase him, then I'll never know that. I see what you're saying, here, and I think it's true for the first couple of dates, but after that, the guy needs to feel you're nuts about him, too.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I see what you're saying, here, and I think it's true for the first couple of dates, but after that, the guy needs to feel you're nuts about him, too. I'm not talking about when you're actually in the relationship, I'm talking about initially getting things off the ground. I'm all for letting a guy know I'm nuts about him, so I agree with you there. Yeah, either I'm simplistic or just like to keep things simple. Not sure which. I'm also Southern and I'm sure that colors my view of things.
Isolde Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 So do you advocate a girl not calling until x dates or... actually seeming disinterested?
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 So do you advocate a girl not calling until x dates or... actually seeming disinterested? The only time I act disinterested is when I'm disinterested. Otherwise, I'm very open and friendly. Guys tell me they love talking to me. A couple of guys have told me that I make them feel calm. I'm kinda funny sarcastic, too, and they seem to get a kick out of that. I don't see any reason to act disinterested because that's a slap to a guy. It's very easy to let someone know you're really into them without coming across as needy or scaring them away. That part has never been my problem. I don't really have any rules about 'x' number of dates, I just play it by ear. I think it depends on the guy and the vibes I get from him.
kashmir Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Damnit damnit damnit. Who gets these ideas that guys don't like to be approached or called? We like to feel wanted too. I mean, I can obviously get by without a girl paying attention to me for a long time, but when one does it's an awesome bonus. Hell, even a smile or two would be nice. Honestly, I think saying that it turns guys off is just an excuse women use because they're too shy to initiate anything.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Damnit damnit damnit. Who gets these ideas that guys don't like to be approached or called? We like to feel wanted too. I mean, I can obviously get by without a girl paying attention to me for a long time, but when one does it's an awesome bonus. Hell, even a smile or two would be nice. Honestly, I think saying that it turns guys off is just an excuse women use because they're too shy to initiate anything. I'll smile all day long at guys. But I won't approach them first. And the key word here is 'first'. I think I've stated the why of that enough times without boring you with it again. I'm not exactly sure what you meant by a girl not paying attention to you for a long time, but I've never ignored a guy that I was involved with and would never suggest that a woman do that. I wouldn't ignore a guy who approached or called me, either. I'm sure there are guys who like it when girls approach them. But I'm also guessing that if you really want to be with someone, you'll go after her. I know everyone has their own opinion about this. I'm just talking about what I think, and what I've read and seen. I can't tell you the number of times girlfriends of mine have come to me and told me about how excited they were to have approached a guy, only to be shot down within a short period of time. No need for the 'I told you so'. It kinda speaks for itself.
Isolde Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I mean, I don't think approaching works for me either but, my best friend has been together for 3 years with a guy she pretty much initiated things with. They were friends, but she said she liked him before he really seemed to have given much thought to a relationship.
Isolde Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Angel - I'm curious, theoretically let's say 10 guys approached you in 2 years and you didn't like any of them, would you take a chance if there was a guy you REALLY REALLY liked and ask him out or would you let that chance go by? If I had even ever had one guy that initiated something with me, and I liked him, I'd be much more inclined to agree with you lol.
kashmir Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I mean that I don't go out expecting to get girls looking at me or whatever. I meant it in that girls don't smile or look at me very often, so I'm used to not getting that attention and I expect not to get it. When it comes though, it's nice and makes a guy feel good.
Angel1111 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Angel - I'm curious, theoretically let's say 10 guys approached you in 2 years and you didn't like any of them, would you take a chance if there was a guy you REALLY REALLY liked and ask him out or would you let that chance go by? If I had even ever had one guy that initiated something with me, and I liked him, I'd be much more inclined to agree with you lol. I wouldn't approach him - I'd attract him.
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