Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Thats what you think, but once you are in love you will probably want marriage, and not be happy just in a LTR. Also a break-up to me is one the of the worst things that I have ever experienced and I swore up and down that I wish I never experienced it because it is too painful once it ends, and it makes you lose a lot of trust and faith in people. Its tough to give your all to someone that you love, want to spend your life with them, and then years later they end it, and you are left on your own wondering WTF happened. Now I feel worse I'm sorry about your experiences. But a lot of people say they don't regret relationships that ended. I guess it depends how they ended. From what I heard of yours you were treated very unfairly.
CandyGirlXO Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Now I feel worse I'm sorry about your experiences. But a lot of people say they don't regret relationships that ended. I guess it depends how they ended. From what I heard of yours you were treated very unfairly. LOL don't feel bad. I could only imagine how you feel never experiencing a LTR, that would be tough, but you are a smart attractive girl who is in grad school. Eventually you will have A LOT to offer someone, and you will find that person. Yeah this makes me depressed also, I could definitely use a blizzard right now from Dairy Queen to make me feel better!
Shygirl15 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I want to marry someday, but I could deal with never marrying if I had a couple of long term relationships throughout my life. I don't know. I'm getting terribly depressed thinking about this. So Isolde, what's the longest period you have had dating one person?
SushiX Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 It's normal for a man to never be in a LTR. I find it quite bizarre for a women to never be in one. Women can just hop in and out of any relationship just like that. For men we gotta put in so much work just to even get a date!
johan Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Women can just hop in and out of any relationship just like that. You got that right, brother. Easy as pie.
Nemo Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 So Isolde, what's the longest period you have had Good thinking... maybe she's almost constantly irritable.
pandagirl Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Well, I am 30 and I have never been in a LTR. Sometimes I feel a little weird about it, but I know the reason I haven't been in any serious relationships is because I admittedly have "issues." Not any scary ones, but ones that prevent me from getting too close to anyone. However, I am a "normal" person, who has an active social life, a nice family, amazing friends, went to college, not a hermit, a career woman, etc. I do readily admit that I have to -- and am -- working on my emotional limitations when it comes to love and relationships. But, I guess part of the reason I don't feel weird or pathetic about being 30 and not having a relationship last over 6 months, is because if I wanted to be in one, I could be in one. I probably wouldn't be happy though. Isolde: I don't think you should worry too much about relationships. I feel like I have *always* been a late bloomer. I feel like my life didn't really start getting good until a few years ago, but that's a result of me being more comfortable in my skin and being more confident. Work on those thing, and the rest will fall into place. I promise.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Personally, I'd find someone who'd had multiple 2+ year-long relationships more concerning than someone who's never had one. Haha...that would be me! 5 LTRs including my ex-marriage, a bunch of STRs and dating galore, although I started dating in my very, early teens. Maybe this is a big, red flag since at present, I'm relationship-averse. Isolde, not everyone is ready for an LTR at the same age. Some focus more on school/friends, some just aren't ready to be with someone in a committed relationship, preferring to date around, and others just are late bloomers. The less pressure you put on yourself to "succeed" at this task, the more likely it will happen naturally. You're 22 years old with plenty of time to find the right guy to have an LTR with. For some reason I think you're the type that would end up in an LTR, which progresses to marriage. I could easily be wrong about that call, though.
fral945 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Just wondering about the statistical possibility of going from about 20-40 with no long term (2 year+) relationships. I'm talking about people with no mental problems, no MAJOR hang-ups, just normal everyday people who do want relationships. Do you know anybody like this, and if so, do you have any theories about why they're still single? I'd guess pretty small. I know at least one person like this, though: me! I would say I am probably not normal, though. I live life and view life very different from most people I have met throughout my life. I have a full time career that pays decent, no debt, am in decent shape, and decent looking as far as I've been told. Don't do drugs, drink, or smoke. You are welcome to probe me to find out if I have any major hangups. My best guess as to why I am single: 1) I have doubts about a God (agnostic) and I don't believe in the institution of marriage. Most women find these immediate turnoffs when I tell them this (though I still want a LTR and children) 2) My expectations are too high (especially physically and sexually) 3) I am missing the spark (charm, excitement, etc) that most women my age and younger find appealing. Generally, I live a pretty boring life relatively speaking, and young, attractive 20 somethings are more interested in a fun man over a stable man. At least these are my best guesses.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 So Isolde, what's the longest period you have had dating one person? Less than two months, and that wasn't an actual relationship.
LittleDove Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Who sets the standard for 'normal'... no one is 'normal'!!! There are a few reasons I can think of that might prevent a person from a LTR. Illness, low self esteem, issues, lifestyle, travel, career.. I know plently of beautiful intelligent women who are single and seeking a LTR. Finding a decent man isnt easy you know! there are too many commitment phobes out there. I also know a 40 year old, who has NEVER had a girlfriend(and is a virgin) hes 'normal' hes very into his work and sport, and is quite accomplished, infact if he wasnt so shy and such a hermit, he would be a catch! hes good looking, and an olympian.. Personally ive had too many relationships, 4 serious LTR(engaged 3 times, and married once), a few STR, and many, many dates/nights out partying inbetween. Also a long time where I went celibate!! (never doing that again!) Now im happy with a booty call!!!! awesome sex no strings no bs, just awesome sex and a cuddle and a bit of tv, then back to MY bed, and my dog! OMG what have i become?....a bit happy!
orangehose Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I don't know. This stuff seems really random; I don't see many correlations. You could take two people who look alike and act fairly similar and their relationship experiences could be entirely different. I think it IS pretty random - some people seem to spend most of their lives in LTRs, while others don't, and there doesn't seem to be much difference in desirability between them. I will say it IS unusual to hit 40 without having had a 2+ year relationship, but (assuming the person actually desired LTRs) I would attribute it to random chance rather than 'something wrong' with them. Likewise, I know quite a few women who didn't have relationships until their mid-twenties. There was nothing wrong with them, and they seem pretty happy in their LTRs right now.
alphamale Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Do you know anybody like this, and if so, do you have any theories about why they're still single? i've met men in their 30s who have never had a girlfriend
orangehose Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 i've met men in their 30s who have never had a girlfriend Yeah, there tend to be more guys who never marry or have serious girlfriends... Which may just be a matter of personal preference.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Set your own bar Isolde. Make it reasonable or at minimum, achievable.
You'reasian Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I'm a borderline gen-x-er... I've only had two long-term relationships that lasted 2 years or more over the span of 9 years. One of them was a very wonderful relationship, that has unfortunately made me picky. Not by physical appearances, because obviously that's a start - rather her qualities. I've met women whom were intelligent, beautiful, fun, adult but just weren't interested in settling or whom might have been interested in settling but actions were questionable in that area. When you've committed wholely to someone, grown really close and loved them as best as you can and have received it back, you'll never be the same I've learned not to rush, let her stake her interest in me first. Also mobility would be an issue since I have to travel frequently for business.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Set your own bar Isolde. Make it reasonable or at minimum, achievable. What exactly do you mean by this, TBF?
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 I think it IS pretty random - some people seem to spend most of their lives in LTRs, while others don't, and there doesn't seem to be much difference in desirability between them. I agree. A lot of people refuse to believe this, for some reason.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 What exactly do you mean by this, TBF? Create your own timeline, instead of using an external measure for who you are. There probably are reasons why you've never had an LTR. Think back to your dating experiences and try to see the pattern, not the pattern of behaviour from your dating partners but your own pattern of behaviour. If you perceive nothing or even something, then take a look at your dating partners. What non-superficial and superficial similarities were there, in most of these guys? Are these similarities compatible to you? Also, take a look at your environment(s). Is it and always has been conducive to meeting new people? Anyways, everyone can change what doesn't work for them, if they want to, although using third parties for reference can many times be detrimental, rather than helpful to the individual because everyone is different.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 I used to think that some people just aren't compatible with anyone, but I rejected this hypothesis. It just doesn't hold water. TBF, is it okay if I PM you with some more details about my past experiences? You might find it interesting, if nothing else, since you've been following my rants closely.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Go ahead and PM me Isolde. You didn't need to ask.
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 It's normal for a man to never be in a LTR. I find it quite bizarre for a women to never be in one. Women can just hop in and out of any relationship just like that. For men we gotta put in so much work just to even get a date! Who do you think these women are in LTRs with? This theory makes no sense. Unless you're speaking strictly about lesbian LTRs. Why do guys think women have it so much easier? I think guys have it way easier. There are so many "can'ts" and pitfalls for girls in dating... Guys get to generally set the pace of things.
SushiX Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Who do you think these women are in LTRs with? This theory makes no sense. Unless you're speaking strictly about lesbian LTRs. Why do guys think women have it so much easier? I think guys have it way easier. There are so many "can'ts" and pitfalls for girls in dating... Guys get to generally set the pace of things. Before sex, women are in complete control and sets the pace. After sex it becomes alot easier for men to set the pace. So women do have it easier when just dating around. Men probably have it a little easier in LTR.
Author Isolde Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 No, I think it's the other way around, unless the guy is only interested in sex. ???
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Before sex, women are in complete control and sets the pace. After sex it becomes alot easier for men to set the pace. So women do have it easier when just dating around. Men probably have it a little easier in LTR. Wow. My relationships are the exact opposite. I feel like I've always had "more say" and been more involved in setting the pace after sex, and even more as time goes on. Early on, I feel like men always set the pace. The later you go, the more men leave it to women to set the pace. Just my experience.
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